Let’s Do Lunch! (…You Call Me)
Sometimes you have to choose between staying in touch with a person and rarely ever connecting. There are many people I’ve met who will say, “Let’s get together for lunch or coffee”. Maybe even meet up on a Friday or a Saturday night at a regional club or restaurant. What’s funny though about some of these people is that unless you call them, you never hear from them. Oh, they do respond to an email, text or phone call. But unless you’re the one initiating the connection, a long time will go by without an ounce of evidence that they even know you. What’s up with that??
Was It Something I Said or Something You Said?
It can really be amazing when a person asks you to get together for lunch or something of the sort and then they “only” expect YOU to contact them. True meaningful relationships are always a two way street. Now there will always be times when one person becomes so busy that they don’t reach out to anyone, and yes I’ve been guilty of that many times. But, when you notice a person is always expecting you to call them, that can say something entirely different and that’s when you may need to re-analyze the relationship you have with that person.
The other day I was at an event where I ran into a person that I’ve known for a few years. That person is looking for new employment opportunities because he knows he is going to be laid off in a couple of months. What’s odd is that he’s known this for a few months already – Yes, I can just here the people out there reading this post who may just have been laid off themselves without notice saying, “I wish someone had told me a few months back that I was going to be laid off!”…unfortunately, this person’s situation is not the norm when it comes to layoffs and unemployment. The reason that I say that this was odd was because I had into this same person a couple of months earlier. It was then when he told me that he was looking for other opportunities, not at the current event we were both attending. A couple of months back, he told me that he wanted to touch base with me over lunch or coffee to ask me some advice and see if I had any lead or ideas about possible opportunities that may be out there. Since that other event a couple of months ago, he never reached out to me to see if we could set something up. What does that say? Hey, maybe there is something that he is not saying about what he thinks of me? Maybe he is just forgetful? Maybe he’s really not serious about what he said a couple of months back when he told me he was looking for a new opportunity?…I really can’t say the reason. What I can say is that in all relationships, the communication and more importantly the “initiation of communication” needs to be a two way street.
Should You Be the Initiator…Always?
Should you always be the person to initiate a conversation or meeting between friends all the time? Some say yes, some say no, other’s say, “Does it really matter?” On that last one, I say it does to a point. It all depends upon what you think of that person and if they are really someone you want to dedicate a portion of your time to. Even if that portion is only getting together for coffee or lunch, which is time that you could be doing something else. Time is a precious asset in a person’s life. Is it for you? I’m not really going to give you or anyone an answer to that last question because it’s really up to you if you want to keep up a relationship with that person.
What Say You?
This is always the interesting part…asking for other’s opinions. What can you really say about people who always say they want to connect with you but unless you initiate the connection, you never hear from them. How would that make you feel after a while when you realize that, unless you make the effort to reach out to someone, you never hear from them? I say again, true relationships are always a two way street. True relationships, true friendships, are always a two way street. What say you?
…Cheers!
Comments
6 Intelligent Opinions, Leave Yours on Let’s Do Lunch! (…You Call Me)
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Relationship Advice on
Sat, 6th Aug 2011 7:58 pm
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Gil Pizano on
Sun, 7th Aug 2011 10:09 pm
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Julia on
Wed, 10th Aug 2011 7:41 pm
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Gil Pizano on
Thu, 11th Aug 2011 10:12 pm
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Charlotte on
Sat, 27th Aug 2011 1:19 pm
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Gil Pizano on
Sat, 27th Aug 2011 11:41 pm
Funnily enough, I’ve got thoughts of a career change and have a fairly wide network as well.
Thoughts of where to start wihout impacting my current situation as well as ensuring there’s an opportunity to mend the current situation abound as well.
On the ‘Call Me’ scenario though, it’s both a personality and a time thing, I think. Uncertainty whether it’s the right thing to do, whether the other person can help, whether they even care or have the ability to help are all things going through a person’s mind.
At the end of the day, it’s a dynamic thing with lots of variables affecting the relationship. Good question to ask, Gil.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the topic! You point out very important things to keep in mind…Cheers!
I completely agree that true relationships are a two way street. I’ve even let a friendship go because I got tired of being the initiator time after time — and especially when the friend acted annoyed if I didn’t initiate! I especially get frustrated when I run into “friends” who especially frustrated when I run into someone at the grocery store and they sound remorseful that we haven’t gotten together in so long — yet they never call or make contact. I’m honestly through with always being the initiator; I actually enjoy being alone more than that!
Julia, yes it definitely is a two-way street and your decision to let a friendship go is a hard decision to make for many should it need to be made. Interestingly enough, if you were always calling them they may not realize that the friendship ended (that is until they run into you at the grocery store 🙂 ). Thanks for the comments Julia!!
Not everyone is outgoing and self-confident. Consider the possibility that the person waiting for your invitation is lacking confidence about your interest in their situation – or lacking self-confidence in general.
Once you’ve demonstrated your interest by initiating contact and your relationship is on a more even footing, then they’re more likely to relax and reach out in future.
If that doesn’t happen – then make a choice whether to pursue the relationship or let it go … and reserve judgement about why the relationship did not develop into anything – it’s not a reflection on either of you … maybe just wasn’t a good fit.
Very good points you make Charlotte. You are right in that not all relationships are necessarily a good fit and it’s true that not everyone is confident enough to make the move to reach out to someone. Probably a question one should ask is, “should it always be you who reaches out?” Thank you for taking a moment to share!
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