But I Don’t Know How to Network with People!

At a recent event, someone I hadn’t met before came up to me and asked me for advice on how to network. I was flattered that the person asked me.  At the same time, I was puzzled. I asked him why he wanted my advice.  He mentioned that he noticed how easy it seemed for me to meet people and start a conversation. He also mentioned that I looked calm, relaxed and sincerely interested in the person I was speaking with. That last comment really caught my attention and it’s something I hear often.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and could tell they really weren’t interested in anything you had to say? They might of even come up to you first, introduced themselves, and started the conversation. Unfortunately, I’ve experienced that very scenario far too often.

The person who asked me about networking advice apparently didn’t understand one key thing. In order to best network with others, one needs to sincerely be interested in the other person. This point is so important, I feel I need to say it one more time. In order to best network with others, you must sincerely be interested in the person you’re networking with.  Believe me, most people can tell when someone is genuinely interested in them or not.

After his comment, I immediately wanted to say, “Of course I’m interested in the person I’m speaking with!”…but I didn’t. What I did do was ask him why he wanted to get advice on networking. He told me he wanted to get to know people and at the same time have people get to know him. He told me he felt uncomfortable going up to someone and introducing himself. I mentioned that’s a fair feeling to have. Especially if you’re not use to networking. A way to get over that feeling of discomfort is to simply start doing it. Going up to people and introducing yourself. However, it’s useful to  remember a few important points:

1. Be Yourself – First and foremost. Don’t try to be something you don’t believe you are. I’ve always liked being informal and in most networking scenarios, being informal is the way to go. Remember, people who you want to network with will want to know the real you! Usually people like you and will want to do business with you because of who you are. One thing I see that really helps a lot of people in networking, including myself, is choosing to have an outgoing and friendly attitude. People don’t always remember what you say, but they will very likely remember how you made them feel.
2. Breathe – Before networking with someone, if you need to, it’s OK to take a slow deep breath and then a slow exhale.  More than once if you want. It will help you relax before you join a conversation or start a conversation with people you don’t know.
3. Know Your Audience / Know Where You Are – The reason I say this is because there are many different types of environments where it’s great to network with others. Networking at a conference for example, at a party with neighbors, or at a function for work. Many environments are formal, while others are very informal. An example of a formal environment may be at a business gala during the reception portion of the event, while an informal environment may be a sporting event. You don’t want to network at a party with neighbors the same way you would network at a conference representing your company or service.
4. Look People in the Eye – When speaking with someone, remember to look them in the eye when they are speaking to you. Its considered polite. Not looking someone in the eye when they are speaking to you makes it look as though you’re not really interested in them. At the same time, not looking someone in the eyes when you are speaking to them makes it appear as though you are not being sincere. Quick Note: It’s OK to periodically take a quick glance away from the person because you don’t want to appear as though you’re simply staring at them either. 🙂
5. Avoid Getting Tongue-Tied by Preparing a “Brief” Self-Introduction – Having a self-introduction prepared that is clear, interesting, and well delivered is a very helpful tool to have. Especially when starting a conversation with someone you don’t know. How do you do that? The simplest way is to write it down. Prepare what you are going to say to someone when introducing yourself and then practice, practice, practice! The more you practice, the more it will sound natural and unscripted. What you write down will depend upon the nature of the event you’re preparing for. Regardless of what you write down or the type of event it is for, what you say about yourself shouldn’t take any longer than 8 to 10 seconds.
6. It’s OK to Ask Questions – When you are talking with a person you just met at a networking event, feel free to ask questions to help keep the conversation going. In my experience, I’ve found that I really enjoy learning about other people (and many people sincerely enjoy talking about themselves). When I meet someone I pay attention to what they say in order to learn something about them. For example, if a person works for a particular company, a question I always ask is, “How long have you worked with XYZ Corporation?” (Instead of XYZ Corporation, use the company they’re associated with.) Many times the next question I ask after that is, “How do you like working for them?” At that point I’ve gotten the conversation going with them and often, they are more than happy to speak about their experiences. You can ask any question you feel is appropriate for the situation (about them or something else).
7. Worried About Rejection? Don’t Be – It happens to everyone. Anyone who says they’ve never been rejected is really only saying that they’ve never tried much! There will be people who don’t respond to your introduction the way you would like. The reason may be completely unrelated to you. If you find yourself in that situation, don’t take it personally. Just move on. Creating and maintaining an outgoing, friendly attitude no matter how someone reacts to you will always make things easier. It also helps to have a sense of humor.
8. Make It a Choice to Have Fun! – As I mentioned earlier, keeping a healthy sense of humor is a key ingredient to networking. Another one is simply to relax. At many networking events, I’ve run into people who are so serious about networking. They treat networking as though it is a necessary evil they need to do. Sometimes a person can be so serious with networking numbers that they alienate the very people they’re attempting to network with. Unfortunately, I’ve seen that happen far too often.

Remember a cardinal rule about networking:

The goal of networking is to establish a lasting working relationship with someone else.

If you find yourself nervous in networking scenarios, know you’re not the only one. Everyone has different levels of experience and expertise when it comes to networking and no one is born being good at networking. No one! The great thing is that everyone gets better at networking the more they do it. The more you practice networking, the more you just may be surprised at how easier it gets!

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