Beware of the four gallingly common strategies that people use to shoot down a person’s ideas. These tactics are all the more common against a person who’s been identified as a leader within their organization…but why?  In the world we’re in, there are many people who unfortunately don’t like to think about how to solve a particular issue. They’d rather do what is probably the simplest thing a person can do.  Point out what may be wrong with an idea without giving an alternate solution for the problem the idea is attempting to address. I’m sure you’ve probably never witnessed such a scenario.

I always think back to the first time I read about an interview with the great statesman Dr. Albert Schweitzer where he was asked the question of what’s wrong with men today. His answer, “Men simply don’t think.”  (Note: My last two sentences where not meant to give a feminist any extra fodder against men out there, the answer was given by a famous person who happened to be a man as well.8-) )

The four strategies that I’ve seen people often use to shoot down a person’s ideas are:

(1)    Death by delay

(2)    Confusion

(3)    Fear Mongering

(4)    Ridicule

These four types of “attacks” on a person’s ideas are often done through a couple of dozen questions, comments, and/or arguments. Any one of these questions can cause an unsuspecting person to cave in and give up on their idea.

1. We tried that before and it didn’t work (<– this one is one of my personal favorites).
2. No one else does this, why should we try it really.
3. You can’t have it both ways.
4. Ah! What about THIS? [“this” being a worrisome thing that the proposers know nothing about and the attackers keep secret until just the right moment].
5. Good idea, but the timing is all wrong.
6. It’s too much work to do this.
7. It won’t work here. We have a unique situation.
8. It puts us on a slippery slope.
9. We simply can’t afford this. / It’s just too expensive.
10. You’ll never convince enough people.
11. You’re abandoning our core values.
12. It’s too simplistic to work. / It sounds too simple.
13. Sounds like [something horrible] to me!
14. People have too many concerns to do that.
15. It’s too difficult to understand.
16. You have a chicken and egg problem here.
17. Your proposal doesn’t go far enough/your proposal goes too far.
18. We’re simply not equipped to do this.
19. Money [or some other problem a proposal does not address] is the real issue here.
20. You’re exaggerating the problem.
21. You imply that we’ve been failing!
22. What’s the hidden agenda here?
23. What about this, and that, and this, and that…?
24. We’ve been so successful. Why should we change? (if it’s not broken, why fix it?)

What’s Your Response?

One of the more common responses people often do to is often the first thing they should not it they want to succeed with their idea. All too often people push out the ‘troublemakers’. Why do that? Here is a golden opportunity. Why not just let them in and treat them with respect. Allow them to always be part of the solution. Listen to their concerns and criticism. The opposite of respect in that situation is shooting back. If you start shooting back at a person who is criticizing you, others will see that you are shooting at them and may become sympathetic to the other person even if his attack wasn’t fair!

Another type of response that often backfires is drowning a person in a half-hour’s worth of evidence. Drilling them basically into the ground with information as to why your idea is a good one that will definitely work. It’s better to communicate in ways that are simple, clear, short and to the point. Research by authors John P. Kotter and Lorne A. Whitehead had shown that the most effective people, instead of just spraying verbal bullets, respond in a way that is simple, clear and filled with common sense.

Never let it get personal, no matter how much you want to lash out.  Just understand that the person is really attacking the idea, not you. Keep an eye on the entire audience and not just the one critic. It’s very easy to get hung up on the guy who’s attacking your idea.

Last Words…

The saying that states, “He who laughs last, laughs best!” is not one that I agree with. The phrase that often is more accurate to me is, “He who laughs last, doesn’t really need to laugh at all!” He lets his idea prove him right.

When one has an idea, it’s never simply the idea that makes it to be a working idea. One thing is to be able to generate an idea by digging up data, analyzing it, and putting it together in some form of logical way. But it’s another thing all together to gain the support one needs in order to get the idea off the ground and working!

Cheers!

Gil

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Sleep. Now there’s a word that many people working today wish they had more of. If you’re one such person who wishes they had more time to sleep (I’m raising my hand here too), then know that you’re part of a growing group that believes they just have to deal with not getting enough sleep.  With the ever increasing complexity of people’s lives over the last few decades, it may appear that we are just doomed to putting up with feeling a little tired all the time. But how true is that? Do we really have to deal with not getting the amount of sleep that we need? Can we really learn to function on less sleep than we may actually need?  How much sleep is enough? Is how sleepy we feel a good judge of whether or not we are getting enough sleep?

You Can’t Handle the Truth!  (Jack Nicolson as Col. Jessup in “A Few Good Men”)

How do we know if we are getting the minimum amount of sleep in order to function? According to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM), the following are signs that you are definitely not getting enough sleep:

• You have a hard time paying attention during meetings.
• You feel tired and lack energy during the day.
• You are unmotivated and have trouble “getting going.”
• You need to use an alarm clock to wake up on time in the morning.
• You are irritable, grumpy or lose your temper easily.
• You start to doze off when you are driving a car. (DANGEROUS!!!)

A poll conducted in 2005 by the National Sleep Foundation showed Americans averaged about 6.9 hours of sleep per night. This represents a drop of about two hours per night since the 19th century, one hour per night over the past 50 years, roughly 15 to 25 minutes per night since 2001. In another study done at the University of Pennsylvania, investigators found that subjects who slept four to six hours a night for fourteen consecutive nights showed significant deficits in cognitive performance equivalent to going without sleep for up to three days in a row.

How would you like to go to work (or lead a group, or attend a business and/or social function for that matter) on the equivalent of not having gone to sleep for two or three days!?!

So What Can We Do?

The world we live in is an exciting and wonderful place to be. The means of communication, travel, the sharing of ideas and images has never been as easy and readily available as it is today. Because of this, it’s also a very fast and complex world that demands more and more of our time and energy. In order to function well we all need to rest well.

Sleep hygiene is defined as “the controlling of all behavioral and environmental factors that precede sleep and may interfere with sleep.” It’s the practice of following guidelines in an attempt to ensure more restful, effective sleep which can promote daytime alertness and help treat or avoid certain kinds of sleep disorders. Trouble sleeping and daytime sleepiness can be indications of poor sleep hygiene (Wikipedia).

Below are some excellent tips (provided by AASM) for getting a better night’s rest:

1. Don’t go to bed unless you are sleepy.
   If you are not sleepy at bedtime, then do something else. Read a book, listen to soft music or browse through a magazine. Find something relaxing, but not stimulating, to take your mind off of worries about sleep. This will relax your body and distract your mind.
2. If you are not asleep after 20 minutes, then get out of the bed.
   Find something else to do that will make you feel relaxed. If you can, do this in another room. Your bedroom should be where you go to sleep. It is not a place to go when you are bored. Once you feel sleepy again, go back to bed.
3. Begin rituals that help you relax each night before bed.
   This can include such things as a warm bath, light snack or a few minutes of reading.
4. Get up at the same time every morning.
   Do this even on weekends and holidays.
5. Get a full night’s sleep on a regular basis.
   Get enough sleep so that you feel well-rested nearly every day.
6. Avoid taking naps if you can.
   If you must take a nap, try to keep it short (less than one hour). Never take a nap after 3 p.m.
7. Keep a regular schedule.
   Regular times for meals, medications, chores, and other activities help keep the inner body clock running smoothly.
8. Don’t read, write, eat, watch TV, talk on the phone, or play cards in bed.           

9. Do not have any caffeine after lunch.           

10. Do not have a beer, a glass of wine, or any other alcohol within six hours of your bedtime.           

11. Do not have a cigarette or any other source of nicotine before bedtime.           

12. Do not go to bed hungry, but don’t eat a big meal near bedtime either.           

13. Avoid any tough exercise within six hours of your bedtime.
    You should exercise on a regular basis, but do it earlier in the day. (Talk to your doctor before you begin an exercise program.)
14. Avoid sleeping pills, or use them cautiously.
    Most doctors do not prescribe sleeping pills for periods of more than three weeks. Do not drink alcohol while taking sleeping pills.
15. Try to get rid of or deal with things that make you worry.
    If you are unable to do this, then find a time during the day to get all of your worries out of your system. Your bed is a place to rest, not a place to worry.
16. Make your bedroom quiet, dark, and a little bit cool.
    An easy way to remember this: it should remind you of a cave. While this may not sound romantic, it seems to work for bats. Bats are champion sleepers. They get about 16 hours of sleep each day. Maybe it’s because they sleep in dark, cool caves.

Have you ever gone through a day wishing that you had gotten more sleep?

What are some ways you relax at the end of the day (let’s keep it clean here. This is a family friendly blog )?

What are your thoughts on how much sleep we are or aren’t getting today?

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When it comes to influence one thing is certain. One’s ability to create and maintain a positive relationship is a must have skill. Without the ability to have a relationship with someone, there is absolutely no way to have influence. One can argue that power (through the manipulation of money and/or violence) can allow a person to have influence. I say that is simply not true influence but more so an investment and use of fear. If given the choice, a large number of leaders would prefer to use the power of influence over the power of fear in order to get things done.

It All Started with a Visit

A few years back I was visiting the headquarters of a very well-known international computer consulting firm. This particular firm serviced my company on many occasions and I was always happy with how their consultants handled my company’s requests. An acquaintance of mine, Larry, was one of the company’s management. While I was there, I noticed that many of the members of his team talked with him as though he was one of their buddies. The atmosphere in his area of the complex felt very positive and energetic to say the least. The team members that I met that morning and that reported to Larry mentioned that he was a very good manager. Words such as “respect” as well as phrases like “he rolls up his sleeves to help out when needed” were used to describe Larry. Overall, I could tell that many of his team members really enjoyed working with him and for him. They trusted and respected Larry.

Do you know anyone at work like Larry? Someone trusted and respected by his peers and subordinates?  How do you think they got that way?

This same day, there was another gentleman at the headquarters by the name of Mr. Chiracson that (I later found out) was one of the Senior Vice Presidents of the company. According to Larry and some of his other colleagues, he enjoyed using fear and intimidation in order to get things done and to maintain order. To him, if an employee was quiet and always on edge and concerned about his position, he would be a very attentive and productive employee. Have you ever known of a boss or a manager such as this person?  One thing that made Mr. Chiracson a little more interesting was that he would always have a smile on his face when he was talking to an employee. The smile was always more of an arrogant or pompous type of smile where he enjoyed being the boss and being intimidating to an employee by way of him not letting on what he was thinking. It turned out that one of the more common thoughts on his mind when he was talking with a subordinate in the company was, “how could I make this subordinate be a little more on edge about his job so that the company can get the most production out of him?” This was something I discovered later on from one the company’s board of directors who knew Mr. Chiracson and me.

Mr. Chiracson and I had the opportunity to meet in one of the coffee kiosks that were located near the front entrance to the building I was in that day while we were both on line waiting to pay. When I saw him, he was behind me and wearing a company badge with his name and picture on him. During this time, this particular company was not high on security within the front portion of the building and so I was not given a badge to where while at the company. Mr. Chiracson said good morning to me in a somewhat haughty and loud tone. He asked me how I was doing that day. Me being myself and always choosing to be in a good mood and enjoy the day said, “Well actually I’m having a very good and enjoyable day. Thank you for asking.” As soon as I said that, his face changed to more one of surprise and then more of inquisitiveness.  I introduced myself by my first and last name gave out my hand to shake his. He hesitantly took my hand to shake it but it was so limp, it would have been better to not have bothered to shake. One thing that always gives me a negative impression is a weak (dead-fish) type of handshake. It does nothing more than communicate lack of respect, insincerity and/or a low self-image. After I introduced myself, he said nothing but was just looking at me first with an open jaw and then with a look of slight discomfort and I could almost say irritation.

Do you know anyone at work or some organization like Mr Chiracson?  How do you think they got that way?

I will not forget this particular encounter because I later found out from Larry that Mr. Chiracson (believe it or not) never enjoys hearing any of his subordinates or anyone in the company below him for that matter, to be in such a good and relaxed mood. Especially when speaking with him. Now granted I never mentioned that I did not work for the company to Mr. Chiracson, but he never asked me if I did.

By Influence or by Fear…Which is Better?

The reason this sticks out in my memory is that Mr. Chiracson was a Senior Vice President for the company and that such a position requires a great deal of influence ability. It was clear however that Mr. Chiracson, did not use true influence as much as he used fear. A few years later, Mr. Chiracson was dismissed from his position. My friend Larry was later on forced to move on in his career when the company merged with another firm causing this particular location to close its doors.  The irony that I saw happen was that Larry soon found another position from an acquaintance of one of his team members. The new position was a higher level position and Larry was recommended for it by a colleague who saw the position influence he had in the last company he worked in. Mr. Chiracson, I found out was out of work for almost a year from what I was told. There “apparently” weren’t many offers being given to him and from what one person (actually the same person who I mentioned was a board member earlier in this post) told me, it was because his reputation was one of a person who didn’t have influence and really caused a hostile work environment to exist. If a person is perceived as being the cause of a hostile work environment, that is what I call, the “kiss of death” in corporate America today. But that is another topic of discussion…

Would you rather have the power of influence or the power of fear? Why?

Check out some of the great reads below!

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Last week I was fortunate enough to be a participant in a two day leadership retreat. I was one of among thirty or so regional leaders chosen for a year long training program where participants will be involved in the development of a community based project. The two day leadership retreat was the first time everyone involved in the year long training program would be getting together. When I found out that I was going to be one of the people chosen to go through the course, I was really happy and looking forward to being part of the group. That was back in November of last year.

As the time for the retreat come closer, I began to think about how the retreat would be handled by the staff organizing it. After all it was suppose to be the first in a series of learning workshops for the coming year and the tone of the first program in the process would most likely be the tone to expect in future trainings. For me, not knowing what to really expect caused a little bit of anxiety for me but at the same time I still was greatly looking forward to it.

The location of the two day retreat was just over an hour from where I live. People in the group had the option of going to the retreat center on a private coach rented by the organization holding the retreat, or to go by car. Since the organizers hinted that the retreat would actually be starting on the bus on the way over I chose to take the bus ride. I will say it was a fun bus ride, I got to learn about some of the people who were going on the retreat with me. Coincidentally, one person I got to know was actually someone I was communicating with via the social media world. Thomas Clifford is more known to many in the northeast as “Director Tom”. For those of you who don’t know him, check out his blog!

Once we all got to where we would be spending the next two days, we got to work on various team building, leadership development and personal self-awareness exercises. There was also plenty of instruction given on the various areas of leadership to complement the exercises. For me, some of the facilitation seemed to almost cross the line of sounding as though they were facilitating to grammar school children. Author’s personal note: I’m not the type of personality that takes very well to a learning environment where instructors sound as though they are speaking to grammar school children. But given the number of people that were there (two to three facilitators for thirty to forty participants) each with a distinct personality, it would be difficult for anyone’s teaching style to please or be taken well by everyone.

I Needed to Make a Choice

Being that I was chosen to participate in the group, and the year long leadership training that went along with it, I chose to keep one very important aspect…an open mind. That said, the next two days turned out to be very eye-opening to me. Why? Because I was able to get a much better understanding about others as well as myself. Not saying that it was some sort of religious experience necessarily, but I did learn a great deal more than I expected. Looking back now in retrospect, I would not have been able to get as much out of those two days or learn as much as I did if I didn’t choose to keep an open mind and listen to what others had to say. That alone taught me the most because how many things would I have missed or have go over my head if a decided to keep a closed mind (remember I mentioned earlier that I was interpreting the teaching style of some of the facilitators as “grammar school teaching style” like).

Do you remember a time when you decided to keep your mind closed when someone was telling you something you didn’t agree with or believe? Was it possible that you missed an important lesson in the process? Do you remember a time when you chose to keep an open mind when someone was telling you something you didn’t believe or agree with?  I guess it can be more comforting to think YOUR way is the only right way…they say ignorance is bliss. But at what cost?

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Today I went to an annual ritual enjoyed by many in the corporate world.  Today was my company’s annual holiday party. Complete with raffles, cash bar and plenty of food, the atmosphere was ripe for mingling between colleagues.  What I personally never fail to notice is how many people come to such parties and then basically sit by themselves with maybe one other colleague. At a similar company party many years ago, I asked one of my then colleagues, who told me he preferred sitting by himself most of the time, why come to the event then?  His answer was, “To be seen.” He wanted others, especially upper management, to see that he was a team player and that he goes out of his way to be at the company party. I couldn’t help but be a little surprised and puzzled by his rational!

That answer stuck with me for a while because here was someone who I respected as a colleague. He was smart in his work and always got the job he was responsible for done. But at the same time I couldn’t help but wonder really as to why even come to the company party if you’re not going to, at the very least, mingle.

One of the biggest benefits of going to company holiday parties is that it gives people the great opportunity to have face to face time with company personnel at all levels. There is no other place that a person can have such an opportunity within the company all at one location. Today I was able to find people who I used to work with a couple of years ago and quickly catch up. It was also nice to run into people I usually converse with via email or phone call and have a face to face conversation. But one of my favorite things to do at company parties (in addition to what I just mentioned) is introduce people I know to other people that I know. I’ve been asked why do this if they don’t necessarily work with each other? The reason is to help place a name with a face.  This has provided the people I’ve introduced with information they can use at a later time if it turns out that one of them actually needs something from the department the other person works in. There have been plenty of times when I’ve needed to find out something or get something done where a person I was introduced to earlier was able to help me out. If I hadn’t met that person earlier, via an introduction from someone else, I may not have been able to get some things done in as timely a manner as they were done. Another, big advantage of attending company parties, such as the annual holiday party, is that you get the opportunity to meet your boss’s, boss’s , boss. Believe it or not, the executive a couple of tables over from where you’re sitting is there so that she can meet the people who are on her team and get to know them.

So if you do in fact go to your company’s holiday party this year, or any other company get together that would occur after work, don’t just be seen!  Get out there and enjoy the opportunity to meet face to face with your colleagues of all levels. Chances are they’ll appreciate you coming over and having a conversation with them. If you’re looking to move up in the company, the ability to talk with others at a company party will give a better impression than if you simply sat at a table and spoke only to the same person for the entire time!

What do you do at company holiday parties?

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