It’s interesting how many people out there want to rewrite the rules in life. They want to rewrite them so that it fits their chosen lifestyle. Some even say, “I play by my rules”. Have you ever heard anyone say that? One can say that’s a courageous attitude to take. Others may say that’s a very unrealistic, even childish attitude to take. It’s OK to make your own rules, just be prepared for when the rest of the world confronts you about them (and doesn’t agree). Some rules of life are rules that cannot be changed or altered. Why? Because people are people!

One of my favorite books is Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. It’s probably one of the most read books when it comes to the art of relationship building. If you’re a person who truly wants to learn about understanding people (as well as yourself) better, then this is a book that I highly recommend. I periodically re-read this book in order to not become rusty on the teachings it provides. Here are a few golden nuggets from it that have helped me and many of my colleagues and friends:

Six Ways to Make People Like You Better

1.  Become genuinely interested in other people.

Believe it or not, I was asked how I could network with people so easily. When I asked that person what he meant by that he told me that it seemed as though I was sincerely interested in the other person.  Ding Ding Ding….We have a winner!! Of course I was interested in the people I meet when I networked.  Having a sincere and genuine interest in others is key to enjoying a conversation with another human being.

2.  Smile. 

This is one of the simplest exercises for one to doJ. A smile can brighten someone’s day. A smile can open a door for you when you least expect one. A smile can melt someone’s rudeness (or it may not…but why not try). A smile confuses an approaching frown. There is strong truth in the saying that says, “the world looks better from behind a smile.” Hey, if you smile at someone, they might smile back. Then how would that make you feel?

3.  Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. 

This one may sound weird to some of you, but believe it or not it’s true!  I was really surprised when I learned this and started to say a person’s name with a little more frequency whenever I was having a conversation with them. What started happening, after I was saying the person’s name with a little more frequency, was that the person started to open up to me more. They started to talk in more detail about the topic we were discussing or about something that they experienced earlier that day. They even at times got more personal with what they chose to disclose about themselves. The only different thing that I did now was to include their name with a little more frequency within the sentences I was using.

4.  Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. 

Here’s one that many of you have probably come across before or have heard about. A person will always want to talk about themselves when given the opportunity. Why? Because who else knows us better than ourselves. Since we know ourselves better than anyone else, it stands to reason that we’d find it easier to talk about this particular subject more than any other. When a person starts talking about themselves, they begin to naturally get fired up about the conversation. They begin to have enthusiasm.  Once that is experienced by a person, that person will easily continue to talk and feel good doing soJ. Be a good listener. Be an active listener, don’t be a lousy listener, and encourage them to talk about themselves more.

5.  Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. 

I’m sure no one saw this one coming. What can be more interesting to a person than talking about what’s interesting to them? Nothing, that’s what. No matter how one spins it, a person will generally want to speak and have a conversation with someone (hint…hint…hint) about something that they are interested in.

An approach on this that’s often used by expert networkers is to ask a person, once they find out what the person’s chosen profession, how they got into their line of work. The person will then begin to talk about not the position or occupation, but about how they got into their line of work. To them, having someone interested in their story, no matter how brief or boring is interesting. So the next time you’re in a conversation with someone, be aware of what they say interests them. It comes out in conversation, early on more often than one may think. If you listen and determine what some of their interests are, you’ll be in a better position to make the conversation more interesting to them and more memorable in a positive way. When a person remembers enjoying their conversation with you, most likely that person will want to speak with you again and with more frequency.

6.  Make the other person feel important (and do it sincerely). 

As I just mentioned above, when another person feels good about the conversation they are having with someone, they most likely want to repeat was caused that feeling. If you can help the other person feel important or help them recognize their value (sincerely), that person will remember how you made them feel and will want to associate themselves with you more often. Note that I emphasized the word sincerely here because if you make a person feel important, and you don’t truly mean it. Once they find out that you’re not being sincere about it, they will want to not spend time with you. Or worse, they may make a strong effort to not associate themselves with anything about you and may go out of their way to let others know about your insincerity towards them potentially damaging your reputation. So let’s be sincere when making others feel important.

When you have a conversation with someone who is not interested in you, you can kind of tell that they’re not interested in you. How does that make you feel?  The conversation turns out to not be reciprocal in nature. The rule of reciprocity becomes apparent and either you understand and follow that rule or you don’t. Just don’t be surprised when others don’t want to help you out with something when you’d like them to later on…. 

What are your thoughts here?

                What are some other ways to make people like you?

 *   *   *

Here are some other great sites and articles on winning friends and influencing people:

How to Win Friends

Killer attitude: the rules of unstoppable confidence

Networking and People

The Friendship Blog  

Tips To Maintain Friendship With An Ex

Your Smile Didn’t Matter  - Seth Godin’s Blog

Related Posts

• Networking and People (8)
• You Can Tell a lot from a Person’s Handshake (1)
• A Little Note: Some Good Ways and Some Not So Good Ways to Network (4)
• The Importance of Eye Contact (0)

Today I went to an annual ritual enjoyed by many in the corporate world.  Today was my company’s annual holiday party. Complete with raffles, cash bar and plenty of food, the atmosphere was ripe for mingling between colleagues.  What I personally never fail to notice is how many people come to such parties and then basically sit by themselves with maybe one other colleague. At a similar company party many years ago, I asked one of my then colleagues, who told me he preferred sitting by himself most of the time, why come to the event then?  His answer was, “To be seen.” He wanted others, especially upper management, to see that he was a team player and that he goes out of his way to be at the company party. I couldn’t help but be a little surprised and puzzled by his rational!

That answer stuck with me for a while because here was someone who I respected as a colleague. He was smart in his work and always got the job he was responsible for done. But at the same time I couldn’t help but wonder really as to why even come to the company party if you’re not going to, at the very least, mingle.

One of the biggest benefits of going to company holiday parties is that it gives people the great opportunity to have face to face time with company personnel at all levels. There is no other place that a person can have such an opportunity within the company all at one location. Today I was able to find people who I used to work with a couple of years ago and quickly catch up. It was also nice to run into people I usually converse with via email or phone call and have a face to face conversation. But one of my favorite things to do at company parties (in addition to what I just mentioned) is introduce people I know to other people that I know. I’ve been asked why do this if they don’t necessarily work with each other? The reason is to help place a name with a face.  This has provided the people I’ve introduced with information they can use at a later time if it turns out that one of them actually needs something from the department the other person works in. There have been plenty of times when I’ve needed to find out something or get something done where a person I was introduced to earlier was able to help me out. If I hadn’t met that person earlier, via an introduction from someone else, I may not have been able to get some things done in as timely a manner as they were done. Another, big advantage of attending company parties, such as the annual holiday party, is that you get the opportunity to meet your boss’s, boss’s , boss. Believe it or not, the executive a couple of tables over from where you’re sitting is there so that she can meet the people who are on her team and get to know them.

So if you do in fact go to your company’s holiday party this year, or any other company get together that would occur after work, don’t just be seen!  Get out there and enjoy the opportunity to meet face to face with your colleagues of all levels. Chances are they’ll appreciate you coming over and having a conversation with them. If you’re looking to move up in the company, the ability to talk with others at a company party will give a better impression than if you simply sat at a table and spoke only to the same person for the entire time!

What do you do at company holiday parties?

Related Posts

• You Can Tell a lot from a Person’s Handshake (1)
• Networking…The Great Equalizer (6)
• But I Don’t Know How to Network with People! (10)
• 51 Amazing Articles on Leadership and Success in Life (2)

Everyone who is in just about every type of endeavor today has a vested interest in being a networker. Today, with the rise of social media and the influence of online networking groups, the need to be able to network with others is more important than ever and that is why I call networking The Great Equalizer.

In today’s world, if one wants to have a successful career or a successful business or organization of any kind, there is really no such thing as a safe haven. The ease of communication across the World Wide Web has enabled virtually anyone in the world to gather some form of information about virtually any topic including you and/or your venture. So what do you want people to know about you?

Online networking vs. in person networking

I’ve been in many conversations with people who are adamant supporters of either online network or in person networking. Many have said, “Yes, both forms of networking are important, but I prefer online networking over in person networking”.  My response is “Why not both?” Both forms of networking have their distinct pros and cons of course.  But when it comes to one or the other, I say go for both and then prioritize how much of your time you’re willing to spend on each form.

One of the pros for online networking versus in person networking is the number of people you can reach in a short amount of time. There are a number of professional and social websites that allow a person to build their network. One of my favorite professional networking sites is LinkedIn.com.  On LinkedIn there are over 50 million professionals connected. Other sites such as facebook, zoominfo.com, Twitter, and Plaxo to name a few are great and they are all very helpful in building your network. One of the cons of online networking is that for all the people you meet online, it’s not always easy to make a strong personal connection when meeting someone online versus in person. When you meet someone in person, there is a strong “human factor” involved.

So what’s the pro of “in person” face to face networking? As mentioned a moment ago, it’s the ability to have the human factor involved. When a person meets someone face to face, there is a stronger sense of the person they are meeting. When people meet each other face to face, the opportunity to read facial expressions, body posture, the feel of a person’s handshake, all add to the overall judgment of one person by another. This to me is one of the strongest attributes of networking. Why? Because when I network with people I enjoy learning about them and what they are looking for when meeting others. For me, I can tell a lot from the way a person speaks with me and the way they greet me or others. For example, ever have someone shake hands with you and it’s like holding a limp dead fish?  If you have, how does that make you feel about the person you’re meeting? If this doesn’t give you a negative impression of the person, then you’re in the minority. Many people do not enjoy shaking the hand of someone who shakes with a limp grip.

According to a University of Alabama study :

“(People) with a firm handshake were more extraverted and open to experience and less neurotic and shy than those with a less firm or limp handshake.”

Studies also show that a person who shakes with a limp dead-fish style grip are seen as not having much confidence in themselves and that they may not be able to be counted on. What type of person would you want to have a personal or business relationship with, a person who can be counted on or a person who can’t be counted on? When you meet someone, wouldn’t it be nice to know if you could count on them or not? At least get a little sense of “Can I believe or trust what this person is saying?” When meeting someone in person the human factor plays a big part. Try shaking someone’s hand via an online connection.

(Please Note: This article is specific to western style cultures. Different cultures have different norms when it comes to face to face networking. So when networking or meeting people in different cultural settings, it’s wise to research the norms of that culture prior to being involved in such a setting.)

Which form of networking is best for me?

This all depends upon a person’s goals. If a person simply wants to meet people to socialize online, they can go online and join the multitude of online social networking forums. If a person wants to meet people and spend more time with others for, let’s say, dancing or book readings, face to face in person networking may be the best option. When it comes to business, I say use both forms and not just one or the other. Both forms of networking are very important and can lead to a relationship that is both enjoyable and mutually beneficial.

Overall, the message here is that both forms of networking are important. In today’s world, it is so easy to make a connection online via a business or social networking group that it is becoming more the norm.

A Great Equalizer

Going back to my earlier description of networking being a great equalizer, I hold it to be true today more than ever because regardless of what form of networking you choose to do, the people in your network will also be networking. As part of their networking, they too will be research others via peers and contacts. The nice thing about networking that I find is that the more you network, the more information is shared. The information shared will always be about a company, organization or an individual and a person’s experience with them. During this interaction, the pros and cons about the person are placed in full view. If the person or organization has done anything unethical, or legally questionable in the past, the information will always come out via networking sooner or later. At the same time, if the person has done good things (e.g. done good work, helped make a connection, succeeded in providing a service as requested, etc.) this will also come out via networking sooner or later.

Probably what is most fascinating is that everyone, regardless of level or position, can gather the information about anyone for any reason. In turn, everyone today has the ability to share information about themselves, or about an organization they belong to or a service they can provide. No longer is the ability to reach someone left to the powerful executive or well connected politician. Everyone now has the same ability, thanks to the forms of networking in use today. So regardless of the person, whether it’s a CEO of a multibillion dollar international company or a freshman in college, people can both gather and provide information about themselves to and for anyone else for any purpose. The playing field has now been set and is now open to all via today’s various forms of networking.

Great Networking Sites

Below are some of the many networking sites that I’ve come across and use either for personal or business reasons. If you know of any others not shown below, why not share them with others via a comment!

1. Biznik.com – An online community of entrepreneurs and small businesses dedicated to helping each other succeed.
2. Classmates.com – Great online community for connecting with people you went to school with.
3. Ecademy.com – A business network for creating contacts and sharing knowledge.
4. Entrepreneur Connect.com – A community by Entrepreneur.com where professionals can network, communicate, and collaborate with others.
5. Eons.com – a social networking site for baby boomers. The site provides games, photo and video sharing, groups, how-to lists, interviews, links and information on health, relationships, fitness, debt, retirement and insurance.
6. Facebook.com – The one and only. This site is one of the most used social networking sites of the internet.
7. Fast Pitch.com – Network where professionals can market their business and make connections.
8. Focus.com – This is a community focused on helping business decision makers and IT professionals make decisions.
9. LinkedIn.com – Probably the number one online business networking site on the internet.
10. Meetup.com – an online social networking portal that facilitates offline group meetings. The site allows members to find and join groups unified by a common interest, such as politics, books, games, movies, health, pets, careers or hobbies.
11. PartnerUp.com – An online community connecting small business owners and entrepreneurs.
12. PerfectBusiness.com – A network of investors, entrepreneurs, and business experts encouraging entrepreneurship and mutual success.
13. Plaxo.com – An enhanced address book tool for networking and staying in contact with your network.
14. Reunion.com – a very good networking site to get back in contact with people you went to school with.
15. Ryze.com – A business networking community that allows users to organize themselves by interests, location, and current and past employers.
16. StartupNation.com – An online group focused on the exchange of ideas between entrepreneurs and aspiring business owners.
17. Talkbiznow.com – an online comprehensive interactive business networking site for business professionals. By displaying how each member is connected to any other member, it visualises the small-world phenomenon.
18. Twitter.com – Probably one of the most powerful networking sites out there. Why? Because it provides people with quick snippets of information. People use this site to share news articles, latest happening links, pictures, and videos in addition to a quick 140 character message.
19. Upspring.com – A social networking site for promotion and social networking.
20. Young Entrepreneur.com – This is a forum-based site for small business owners and entrepreneurs who are passionate about promoting business for themselves and others.
21. Ziggs.com – A professional connection portal founded on the principles of professionalism and respect. People can create their own professional webpage that highlights who they are and what they are about here for free.
22. Zoominfo.com – One of the sites most visited by corporate and individual recruiters looking to fill a position.

For other great books on networking, check out the online store.

Related Posts

• But I Don’t Know How to Network with People! (10)
• An Annual Ritual: The Company Holiday Party (2)
• You Can Tell a lot from a Person’s Handshake (1)
• 25 Great Articles on How to be Empathetic (8)

At a recent event, someone I hadn’t met before came up to me and asked me for advice on how to network. I was flattered that the person asked me and puzzled at the same time. I asked him why he wanted my advice.  He told me that he was observing me and noticed how easy it seemed for me to meet people and start a conversation with them. He also mentioned that I looked calm, relaxed and sincerely interested in the person I was speaking with. That last comment caught my attention and is something I hear a lot.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone who you could tell was not interested in what you did or what you were saying? They might of even come up to you, introduced themselves to you first, and started the conversation.

Unfortunately, I’ve experienced that very scenario far too often. The person who asked me the networking advice apparently didn’t understand that in order to best network with others, one must sincerely be interested in the person they’re networking with. It’s been my experience that people for the most part can tell when someone is not really interested in them.

My first thought after his comment was “Of course I’m interested in the person I’m speaking with!” and I wanted to say that but I didn’t. What I did do was ask him why he wanted to get advice on how to network. He told me he wanted to get to know people and have people get to know him, but he felt uncomfortable going up to someone and introducing himself. I told him that’s a fair feeling to have if you’re not use to networking. The way to help get over that feeling is to simply start doing it. Going up to people and introducing yourself, but remember a few important points:

1. Be Yourself – First and foremost. Don’t try to be something you don’t truly believe you are. I’ve always liked being informal and in most networking scenarios, being informal is the way to go. Remember that people who you want to network with, and eventually surround yourself with, will want to know the real you. People who like you and will want to do business with you because of who you are. One thing I see that really helps a lot of people in networking, including myself, is choosing to have an outgoing and friendly attitude. People don’t always remember what you say, but they will most likely remember how you make them feel.
2. Breathe — Take a slow deep breath and slow exhale.  More than once if you want. It will help you relax before you join a conversation or start a conversation with people you don’t know.
3. Know Your Audience / Know Where You Are — The reason I say this is that there are many different types of environments where you can network with others. Are you networking at a conference, at a party with neighbors, at a function for work? Many environments are formal, while others are very informal. An example of a formal environment may be at a business gala during the reception portion of the event, while an informal environment may be a sporting event. You don’t want to network at a party with neighbors the same way you would network at a conference representing your company or service.
4. Look People in the Eye – When speaking with someone, remember that looking them in the eye when they are speaking to you, as well as when you are speaking to them, is considered polite. Not looking someone in the eye when they are speaking to you makes it look as though you’re not really interested in them. At the same time, not looking someone in the eyes when you are speaking to them makes it appear as though you are not being sincere. Quick Note: It’s OK to periodically take a quick glance away from the person because you don’t want to appear as though you’re simply staring at them either.
5. Avoid Getting Tongue-Tied by Preparing a Self-Introduction — Having a self-introduction prepared that is clear, interesting, and well delivered is a very helpful tool to have in your possession when starting a conversation with someone you don’t know. How does one do that? The simplest way is to write it down. Prepare what you are going to say to someone when introducing yourself and then practice, practice, practice. The more you practice, the more it will sound natural and unscripted. What you write down will depend upon the nature of the event you’re preparing for. Regardless of what you write down or the type of event it is for, what you say about yourself shouldn’t take any longer than 8 to 10 seconds.
6. It’s OK to Ask Questions – When you are talking with a person you’ve met at a reception or some other kind of networking opportunity, you can ask questions to help keep the conversation going. In my networking experience, I’ve found that I sincerely enjoy learning about other people (and many people sincerely enjoy talking about themselves). When I meet someone I pay attention to what they say in order to learn something about them. For example, if a person works for a particular company, a question I always ask is, “How long have you worked with XYZ Corporation?” (Instead of XYZ Corporation, use the company they’re associated with.) Many times the next question I ask after that is, “How do you like working for them?” At that point I’ve started the conversation going with the person and most of the time, they are more than happy to speak about their experiences. You can ask any question you feel is appropriate for the situation (about them or something else).
7. Worried About Rejection? Don’t Be – It happens to everyone. Anyone who says they’ve never been rejected is only admitting that they’ve not tried it much if at all! There will be people who don’t respond to your introduction the way you would like. If you find yourself in that situation, don’t take it personally. Just move on. Creating and maintaining an outgoing, friendly attitude no matter how someone reacts to you will always make things easier. It also helps to have a sense of humor.
8. Make It a Choice to Have Fun! — As I mentioned earlier, keeping a healthy sense of humor is a key ingredient to networking. Another one is simply to relax. At many networking events, I’ve run into people who are so serious about networking. They treat networking as though it is a necessary evil that must be done in order to succeed in life. Sometimes an individual can be so serious that they alienate the very people they are attempting to network with. Unfortunately, I’ve seen that happen far too often.

Remember a cardinal rule about networking:

The goal of networking is to establish a lasting working relationship with someone else.

If you find yourself nervous in networking scenarios, understand you’re not the only one. Everyone has different levels of experience and expertise when it comes to networking and no one is born being good at networking. The great thing is that everyone gets better at networking the more they do it. The more you practice networking, the more you just may be surprised at how much easier it gets!

Related Posts

• Networking…The Great Equalizer (6)
• An Annual Ritual: The Company Holiday Party (2)
• You Can Tell a lot from a Person’s Handshake (1)
• 25 Great Articles on How to be Empathetic (8)

If you want to network with others, there are at least two things needed. First and simplest of them is that it helps to go where there are people. Second, and probably the most important is that it helps to be genuinely interested in people.

Dale Carnegie, one of the most influential people of the twentieth century when it came to winning friends and influencing others, once said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

What kind of people do you want to network with?

Given the choice, would you rather network with people who care mostly about themselves or would you prefer to network with people who have a sincere interest in you? If you’re like most people, my guess is that it would be the later.

I recently attended a networking social after work.  The event was sponsored by a local professional organization and it promised to be a huge gathering of professionals from the surrounding area. When I got there one of the event’s organizers came up to me and welcomed me to the event (being welcomed by someone is always a great experience when attending a social gathering, whether you know them or not). This particular event was quite large indeed, with over 200 people gathering in this downtown hot spot all with the main purpose of meeting other professionals and entrepreneurs.

The event was great! I met a large number of people from all different backgrounds. Each person had something to offer others and it never ceases to amaze me how much I continue to learn about people at events such as these.

One person who I will remember unfortunately is a young lady who I met due to her standing next to someone I knew. The person I knew said hello to me. I said hi back and starting to ask him how he was and what he had been up to. After a brief sentence or two, my friend motioned over to the person standing next to him and I proceeded to introduce myself saying that it was a pleasure to meet her. But almost immediately she appeared to not care much about knowing who I was (not that I was selling anything or telling her anything about me other than introducing myself). She proceeded to speak with my friend and not give me much thought. My friend proceeded to speak with both her and me discussing a couple of recent events that had occurred locally. What was soon apparent, or so it seemed, was that this young lady did not care what I had to say with respect to what the topic of conversation was. The young lady needed to leave the event a few moments later, but before she did she proceeded to give my friend a warm professional handshake and a smile saying it was a pleasure meeting him. She then turned to me, raised her hand up to the side of her face and with a slight smile waived her fingers slightly at me without saying a word and proceeded to leave the event.

Now I don’t let these scenarios effect my enjoyment of an event. I make it a point to choose to enjoy my time at social gatherings and help others enjoy their time if they wish to do so. At this particular event, I met a lot of great people and had a great time overall.

What’s the reason for me sharing this little story? The reason is because, even though this young lady didn’t appear interested in knowing me, she left a not so good impression. If she was at the event to meet people and network, she failed with me because I have little choice than to remember the way she made me feel “as though I was not of any importance to her in that brief conversation.” How do you believe I should treat her if (and when) I run into her in the future? How would you be if you were me meeting her at future social or professional events? I’ll leave that up to you to think about how I would and should treat her.

My message here is that why burn bridges and make enemies with people you don’t know. Granted we can’t please all of the people all of the time, but making bad impressions is not always the best way to network with others. As I’ve mentioned in other posts before, whether you intend to network with people or not, we are always networking!

Do you have any networking advice or stories to share? What is your advice to people who want to network? There are many people (including myself) who would love to know!

Cheers!

Related Posts

• Winning Friends and Influencing People (4)
• Networking and People (8)
• The Importance of Eye Contact (0)
• Increasing Likeability (0)