Empathy enables a person to establish a connection with others and is necessary for mutual interaction and full comprehension of the experience. It is probably one of the most important aspects of being a leader in every situation. Without it, a person is virtually guaranteed to become out of touch with the environment, he or she is in. Without empathy, a leader cannot lead. Without empathy, a person cannot be in any type of mutually beneficial relationship. Without empathy, a person is basically asking to be completely alone in life.

Have you ever wished to be more empathetic in order to become a better leader? In order to have a better relationship with a friend, loved one or colleague?

There are many great and free resources about empathy available. Here are some great articles, posts and videos that talk about empathy and it’s importance in leadership, parenting and relationships: 

1. 5 Tips for Empathetic Listening — Really a quick read from Stepcase Lifehack on the five simple steps one can use to be more empathetic. 
2. Are You Empathetic or Sympathetic? — A brief post by Robbie Miller Kaplan (author of the book “How to Say It When You Don’t Know What to Say”) on how he words sympathy and empathy are often thought to be the same, and yet they are distinct expressions. 
3. Avoiding the Five Pitfalls to Becoming an Empathetic Listener — A very concise article about why more people are not better empathetic listeners. 
4. Being a Good Manager/Mom: Be Empathetic — Quick post from Sarah Rottenberg who describes it well by saying that a recent post got her “thinking about what I think it takes to be a good manager. And I think it’s simple: be empathetic.” 
5. Empathetic Voice Improves Doctor-Patient Communication — Doctors who use an empathetic voice with patients can elicit more information about their health problems and encourage them to stick to their treatment regime, a Monash researcher has found. 
6. Empathetic Understanding and School Leadership Preparation — a paper written by Diane Ketelle and R. Pete Mesa, Mills College. Successful leaders seem to share one thing in common – empathy. The authors posit that empathic understanding is foundational to leadership. 
7. Empathy and Showing Empathy — Interesting article descibing the importance of empathy in leadership positions. 
8. Empathy is in Our Genes — a quick read from the Thaindian News website citing a few research studies on the topic. 
9. Empathetic Customer Service — a short article on how empathy played such an important role in the lasting of one of America’s successful companies of it’s day. 
10. Exercise in Creative Classroom Management — How to Become a More Empathetic Teacher – The title speaks for itself. 
11. Gandhi’s Neurons: The Practice of Empathy – Article by Bruna Martinuzzi on 
12. How to be an Empathetic Listener – article on steps for being a better listener with empathy. 
13. How Empathetic are You? — Interesting article with a link to a test where one can determine their Empathy Quotient. 
14. How to Practice More Empathy in Your Business Management — Sometimes it’s hard to be a business manager, especially when you are in difficult situations with your employees. One of the important things that you need to exercise in these difficult situations is empathy.
15. How to Teach Your Kids to be Empathetic – A story post from the website “Effective Parenting” that gives a good example of the results of teaching empathy to a child.
16. Make Empathetic Listening your Super Power — a very good article on being empathetic.
17. Mirror Neurons – Video of discussing a recently discovered system in the brain that may help explain why we humans can get so worked up watching other people.
18. Principles of Empathic Communication — From Leadership University, an itemized summary of “Habit 5 — Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood” from Stephen Covey’s “THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE”.
19. Resilience: Compassion and Empathy — The quality of your relationships, and not the quantity of them, is what matters for you in terms of your emotional resilience. One of the attributes that differentiates people with higher quality relationships from people with lower quality relationships is their ability to be compassionate and empathetic.
20. The Art of Empathetic Listening — an article by Gian Fiero, an educator, speaker and consultant who specializes in business development, career planning, and personal growth issues.
21. The Benefits of Empathic Listening – an article with some good guidelines for understanding and being a empathic listener.
22. The Caring Child: How to Teach Empathy – Good article of giving a child a head start in having the ability to be empathetic.
23. Three Steps to Empathetic Listening — Oftentimes, people are too busy, they don’t make the effort, or they simply don’t know how to listen empathetically to others. And it is because of this that people have difficulty getting in touch with their feelings and they harbor negative emotions about others.
24. What’s Empathy Got to Do With It? — a very good article by describing empathy in detail along with ten leadership tips on being more empathetic.
25. What is Empathy? How to be Empathetic – Very short and concise article by Gwendolyn Cuizon on empathy.

If you know of other good articles on the subject of empathy that you believe someone else needs to read or know about, share it with us in the comments below!

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A while ago I read a story about an elderly man who approached the famous nineteenth-century poet and artist, Dante Gabriel Rossetti. The old fellow had some sketches and drawings that he wanted Rossetti to look at and tell him if they were any good, or if they at least showed potential talent.

After looking over the first few carefully, he knew that they were worthless and showed no sign of artistic talent. But Rossetti was a kind man, and he told the elderly man as gently as possible that the pictures were without much value and showed little talent. He was sorry, but he could not lie to the man.

The visitor was disappointed, but seemed to expect Rossetti’s judgment. He then apologized for taking up Rossetti’s time, but would he just look at a few more drawings — these done by a young art student?

Rossetti looked over the second batch of sketches and immediately became enthusiastic over the talent they revealed. “These,” he said, ” these are good. This young student has great talent. He should be given every help and encouragement in his career as an artist. He has a great future if he will work hard and stick to it.”

Rossetti could see that the old fellow was deeply moved and asked, “Who is this fine young artist?” he asked, “Your son?”

“No,” said the old man sadly. “It is me — forty years ago. If only I had heard your praise then! For you see, I got discouraged and gave up — too soon.”

The author of the above story is unknown, and this story has been mentioned in many books, blogs and seminars. For me it’s a perfect example of how much some encouragement can mean to a person who may need it in their life. We may not always know when a person needs the encouragement or we may not see the result of it, but giving encouragement may be one of the most powerful tools each of us has in positively changing our world.

A Person with a Gift that Was Never Opened

The above story always reminds me of something that happened to one of my uncles. He always wanted to learn how to play the piano. Now in his early sixties, he noticed me playing piano and then guitar one day. He looked at me with a strange and at the same time proud look. After I was finished playing he came over to the piano and started playing a little bit. His level of playing was more by ear and at a beginner level of playing. I asked him what was on his mind when he was watching me play. His response was, “I wished I learned how to play an instrument at your age.”

When I saw how quickly my uncle picked up a melody and how easy it seemed to him, as a musician myself I realized he had a natural gift for playing music. I asked him why he never started learning an instrument earlier in his life. He told me that while he was in his pre-teens and then his teens, his mother would always be telling him that he didn’t have a musical ear and couldn’t possibly learn how to play an instrument. This discouraged my uncle so much that he accepted what he called his personal “lot in life”. No one ever told him he had a natural talent for music. People would see him in musical instrument stores and in school (playing on the piano) and never say anything to him about it. At the time he was a little too shy to ask another person’s opinion about his musical ability.

Who Would Benefit from Encouragement?

What would have happened to him had someone given him a little encouragement?

Would he have created some of the world’s favorite music? Would the elderly man in the first story have gone on to paint some of the most beautiful images people would ever see? We’ll never really know will we.

Have you ever noticed something in someone else that you believed deserved some praise?

Have you ever seen a person discouraged at something good they are attempting to accomplished? What remarks could we share to uplift that person’s spirits?

“Those who are lifting the world upward

and onward are those who encourage

more than criticize.” – Elizabeth Harrison

We never know how much the encouragement may mean to someone else until we give it. That someone else may be you in the future. Hey…you never know .

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If you think you don’t need one and want to “Get Ahead” in your career or business endeavor, you may want to think again. Mentors are probably one of the most important people you’ll have in your life. They are people who have either already navigated the landscape that you are currently working your way through or can simply give you sincere constructive criticism to help make the most of a given scenario. Mentorship refers to a developmental relationship in which a more experienced person helps a less experienced person develop in a specified capacity. The less experienced person in a mentoring relationship is sometimes referred to as a protégé or a mentoree.

So what is the big deal about having a mentor vs. doing it on your own with the help of your network? According to Katharine Hansen, Ph.D in her article The Value of a Mentor:

“Where a typical network contact might be associated with quick introductions, exchanges of business cards, and phone calls, your relationship with a mentor likely involves long lunches and time spent in the mentor’s office. A mentor is often in a position you’d like to be in and has the clout and connections to guide you to a similar position. He or she is someone you probably have unusually good chemistry with who will share stories with you of his or her own climb to success. An effective mentor isn’t afraid to criticize constructively. ”

The value of a mentor in your life for work, business, or even family reveals itself through time. More importantly the time saved by putting to use the input received from a mentor.

A Difficult Situation to Be In
A while back, in a position previous to the one I have now, I was having difficultly with my new supervisor. The issue of him trusting me was apparent within a couple of months after he became my boss. For the life of me I could not understand why he mistrusted me so much. In my eyes, there was no reason why he needed to.

Action items and deliverables assigned to me where always completed on time and in apparent good order. Whenever there was a question of getting the task accomplished, I would always have a contingency plan in place to help ensure the completion of the goal. Even though I did everything he asked of me and then some, there was always tension with my supervisor thinking that I was attempting to usurp his authority and take his position.

Regardless of what some of you may think, taking my supervisor’s place that was not my intention at the time.

A Mentor to the Rescue
One of my mentors, Steve, was a Senior Director within the HR department of a large corporation and we would meet periodically over lunch. I took the next time Steve and I met for lunch to go over the situation I was facing with my supervisor. After discussing it for a bit, Steve pointed out something to me that I was not aware of at the time. I am the type of person who when asked to get something accomplished goes out of their way to get it done. This would include reaching out to people in other departments at all different levels.

What I wasn’t aware of was that by doing so my name was getting around the company as a point of contact for my department. This would lead to people in other departments contacting me directly when they had a quick question instead of my supervisor. At the time I didn’t think anything of it, but Steve pointed out to me that my supervisor may be the type of person who needed to be the focal point for his organization. To add to the issue, whenever I reached out to people in other organizations, I would not always tell my supervisor every single person I spoke with (showing how green I was at the time).

Steve proceeded to give me some ideas that I could try in order to remedy the situation with my supervisor. He advised me of how important it was to let my supervisor know who I’ve contacted outside of the organization in order to accomplish the tasks he assigned me to do. Even if the contact appears minor to me, my supervisor may not believe so and by keeping him in the loop he would be able to feel more in control of his organization. After all, being his organization, he is ultimately accountable for what goes on within it.

Another item that Steve pointed out to me was the possibility of there being a personality conflict. My personality is to be open and relaxed around people. Not talking up a storm, but by nature I prefer to avoid long moments of awkward silence. If such an awkward moment of silence occurs, I am most likely to be one of the people who breaks the silence by asking a question or bringing up a point that people may find interesting. My boss on the other hand was much more reserved and would not interrupt a long awkward moments of silence. Steve suggested using a mirroring technique to help bridge the possible gap the different personalities my supervisor and I had.

After applying the advice Steve suggested, I noticed the level of mistrust begin to diminish. What was most surprising for me was how quickly my supervisor’s mistrust of me dissipated. Within a couple of weeks my supervisor was appearing more comfortable around the things I was doing. I kept him more ‘informed’ by letting him know everyone I spoke with in order to get the tasks he assigned me done. After a while, he became comfortable enough with me reaching out to so many people in different departments (and them contacting me directly) that he eventually told me he didn’t need to know everyone I spoke with. As long as the job got done, he was fine with the way I did it.

Looking back on the whole scenario, I realized that I was very fortunate to have Steve mentor me at this time. Had he not given me his advice based upon his own past experience, the situation would have most likely resulted in a different ending. One where the mistrust my supervisor had for me could have turned into a reason for him to push me out of his organization. The input from Steve allowed me to have a successful track record with that company that eventually led to me receiving a promotion.

If you Decide to Choose a Mentor
There is no limit to the number of mentors you have in your life. Some people have one, others many more. Some mentoring relationship last for less than a year, others last a lifetime. The number of mentors you decide to have is ultimately up to you. Just like with all mutually beneficial relationships, mentorships require time and need to be nurtured.

If you choose to find a mentor, and a mentor decides to choose you, it may be one of the most valuable and profitable relationships you ever have.

Feel that the above information was valuable to you, or that someone else may find this information useful, then feel free to share this site with them.

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