If you’re in the workforce today you’ve probably experienced misunderstandings that occur due to people being of differing generations. You may not know or believe that misunderstandings can occur due to people being of different generations, but they do and it’s simply a fact of life. This simple fact is probably more important today than ever before and here’s why. For the first time in human history, we have four separate generations working together in society. Each generation has its own characteristics, strengths, likes and dislikes, and working style.

“The prospect of managing workgroups consisting of such a wide potential age range presents several challenges, but it also can yield significant opportunities. .… acknowledging generational differences offers companies access to a wider array of creative ideas and, perhaps more important, ensures that the firm’s talent pool is fully tapped.” - InformationWeek article by Katherine Spencer Lee (February 4th, 2006)

The four generations being mentioned here are the “Traditionalist” (born between 1900 and 1945), the “Baby Boomers” (born between 1946 and 1964), “Generation X” (born between 1965 and 1977), and “Generation Y” (born between 1978 and 2000).

Some Generational Traits for The Four Generations

One day, there was a manager of the Baby-Boomer generation named Bob who was waiting to meet with one of his subordinates in his office. He had what he perceived as great news. His sub-ordinate John, who was of Generation-Y,  walked into Bob’s office and sat down. Bob asked John to close the door and once he did, Bob proceeded to tell him that he had great news. Bob told him that there was an opening for senior director position and that John was selected for the position. The only thing he had to do was move to one of the company’s other offices four states away. Now Bob knew that John was working towards becoming a Senior Director and now here was his chance. Upon hearing the news, John did not react the way Bob expected. John appeared flattered that he was being seen as senior director material by upper management. He also said he needed to think about the offer. This perplexed Bob because he was not able to understand John’s hesitation. After all, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. The next day, John came into Bob’s office and told him that he was not interested in taking the position. In addition, he said he was resigning in order to pursue other areas of interest. To say that Bob was surprised would be an understatement. Bob could not understand John’s reasoning here. In addition, one of the first things to come across Bob’s mind was that John did not have ambition or the drive to move up in the world and that would be a big hindrance n John’s career. Have you ever witnessed this type of scenario (or been involved yourself ) before?  Is it that John is not driven to take advantages of the opportunities that present themselves?

For a Generation-Y person, balance in life is very important, as it is for many generations. The difference here is that for a Gen-Y person, balance means “Work is not ALL ; flexibility to balance ALL interest.”

Below are some traits specific to different generations. (Note:  these are a generalization of the different traits seen for each generation. There will undoubtedly be individuals who do not fit the “mold” so to speak for the generation they are part of)

Understanding Multi-Generations (Avoiding Conflict)

Traditionalist, Baby-Boomers, Generation X, and Generation Y have different views on things when it comes to career goals, rewards,  balance and job feedback. Some of them can be quite opposite to each other which can lead to many of those multi-generational misunderstandings. As a leader, it’s always in the best interest of the group you’re leading, in what the group is attempting to accomplish, and in your effectiveness as a leader to understand how members of different generations view the world.

Views on Career Goals:

Traditionalists:      Leaving a legacy.

Boomers:               Having a Stellar Career.

Gen-Xers:              Having a Portable Career.

Gen-Yers:              Having a Parallel Career.

Views on Rewards:

Traditionalists:   A job that is well done.

Boomers:            Bonus or a Cash award. Promotion, recognition, the corner office

Gen-Xers:           Freedom; Giving them a day off.

Gen-Yers:            Having work that is meaningful.

Views on Retirement:

Traditionalists:   Reward for so many years of loyal work.

Boomers:            A time to retool.

Gen-Xers:           A time to renew yourself.

Gen-Yers:            Recycle

Views on Changing Jobs:

Traditionalists:   Stigma.

Boomers:            A regression or demotion.

Gen-Xers:           Necessary.

Gen-Yers:            Part of daily routine.

Views on Feedback:

Traditionalists:   No news is good news.

Boomers:            Once/year is more than enough.

Gen-Xers:           “How am I doing?” is asked often; Give feedback when they ask for it.

Gen-Yers:            As often as possible.

Probably the one interesting thing to remember here is that this multigenerational clash has virtually always existed. The Traditionalist generation had issues with their parent’s and grandparent’s generation. Generation-Y will be dealing with the next generation and their views and how different it may be from theirs. So the next time you find yourself saying, “Kids these days! What is the matter with them. Why don’t they <_fill in your gripe here_>? ” think about how you were with your parents and grandparents (be honest ). The next time you find yourself calling your boss as an old fogy, think about how they were brought up to see the world and make an effort to understand them. You may find yourself a little bit more patient with them.

Great Articles and Resources on the Generational Differences Discussion:

“Gen Y, Gen X and the Baby Boomers: Workplace Generation Wars” — by Steff Gelston (CIO.com)

“Generational Differences at Work” by Melissa Dittman. A psychologist studies ways to help traditionalists, baby boomers, gen Xers and millennials work better together, despite their generational differences.

“Managing Generational Differences in the Workplace” by Margaret Heffernan (Fast Company.com)

“Mixing and Managing Four Generations of Employees” — by Greg Hammill, director, intern and student programs, at FDU’s Silberman College of Business.

“Multigenerational Leadership Clout” — Phillip A. Tanzilo, MBA (Transformational Learning & Leadership)

“Multigenerational Leadership” — by Cheri Baker, owner of Emergence Consulting®

“Social Media Tips for a Multi-Generational Workforce” by Jessica Simko

“The Gen Y Factor: Secrets to Attracting and Engaging ‘New Age’ Attendees” by Karen Brost

“The Leaders We Need Now” by Tamara J. Jackson (2010 Harvard Business Review)

“What You Need to Know About Mentoring the New Generations”  by Devon Scheef and Diane Thiefoldt (2004 The Learning Cafe)

Some Great Podcasts and Videos:

“Generational View of Publishing” — Video on the future of publishing. It is an amazing piece.

“Millennial Generation” — Diane Thielfoldt  of TheLearningCafe.net discusses the Millennial generation and the impact of generational differences in the workplace

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Managing vs. Leading. I’ve heard many things and read many articles about being a manager versus being a leader. At the same time there have been many articles and seminars on what I’ll call the components of a manager and the components of a leader.

Being a leader. Is it the same as being a manager? Is being a good manager the same as being a good leader?  What does coaching and the ability to coach mean when it comes to being a good manager? When it comes to being a good leader? What does guiding have to do with leadership? With managing With directing? A manager has to know how to plan, organize, direct and control but a leader may not know how to plan, organize,  direct and control. Yet they are still a leader!

Managing vs. Leading vs. Directing vs. Guiding vs. Coaching vs. Supervising

What are some of the differences in the above? The meanings for many of them have some overlap, but they are still words with distinct meaning. Here are some definitions for each (according to WordNet):

Directing — showing the way by conducting or leading; imposing direction on. “felt his mother’s directing arm around him”; “the directional role of science on industrial progress”

Guiding —  direct the course; determine the direction of travelling; exerting control or influence; “a guiding principle”

Coaching — to teach and supervise (someone). The first use of the term coaching to mean an instructor or trainer arose around 1830 in Oxford University slang for a tutor who “carries” a student through an exam.

Supervising — managing by overseeing the performance or operation of a person or group; under observation or under the direction of a superintendent or overseer; “supervised play”.

Managing — (in management) the act of getting people together in order to accomplish desired goals and objectives.

Leading — (in management) the  process of social influence in which one person can enlist the aid and support of others in the accomplishment of a common task.

It’s easy to see from above that all the words really have a part in working successfully with a group. Sooner or later, every member of the group will personally be involved in performing one of the above. (In the scope of this post, I’m keeping a distinct separation between “Management” and “Managing”. Why? Because, leadership / leading is an intricate part of management. But it is not the same as managing.)

One saying  I often hear is:

“Managers do things right, while leaders do the right thing.”

This saying may be a little too blatant for my tastes, but it does shed a little light on the views of each type of position. It means that managers do things by the book and follow company policy, while leaders follow their own intuition, which may be more advantageous to the company. Managers use authoritarian and transactional style, which means subordinates have to follow a manager’s  orders while leaders use charismatic and transformational style, which means followers are inspired to follow their leader’s wishes.

Unlike with managers, people follow a leader on their own choice but people have to obey a manager.  In a way, a leader’s authority is derived from effectively balancing the task of being a genuinely accepted member of a group, while having adequate detachment to constantly adjust the course the group is heading. Groups are also usually more loyal to a leader than a manager because the leader is responsible in taking the blame when things go wrong. When things go right, the leader is often last person to accept any recognition for it. He/she often will recognize and thank the group for the success.

In the motivation department, a leader will often use passions and incite emotions to motivate people.  A manager on the other hand will not often use the language of emotions or passions but more often use logical and official methods to motivate people to complete a task. This is why leaders can be seen to be more emotional than a manager.

Risk

“Leaders stand out by being different. They question assumption and are suspicious of tradition. They seek out the truth and make decisions based on fact, not prejudice. They have a preference for innovation.” — John Fenton

Leaders will often appear to be risk-seeking while managers may often appear to be more risk-averse. Therefore, managers look for comfort and seek to avoid conflict where possible while leaders are comfortable with risk by finding ways others avoid and willing to break rules (within reason) in order to get things done.

Leadership. It’s really about coaching, guiding, and inspiring others to reach a goal. Sometimes a leader will stand in front, sometimes to the side, sometimes even behind the people he or she is trying to help reach a goal.

Even if we don’t formally have anyone reporting to us within an organization, we are still leaders because everyone in one form or another has the ability to influence others. So Where Do You Fit In? Manager or Leader? How do you see yourself? The decision one makes about that will determine where they go in an organization (and most likely the way they are seen as well).

Here are Some Great Books that I Highly Recommend on the Above!

If you have any comments on any of the above, or if you have additional thoughts to add, please feel free to share them with us in the comment section below.

Thanks and Take Care!

Gil

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Keeping one’s word. It’s probably one of the easiest ways to build credibility and also one of the easiest ways to loose it. Keeping your word is also one of the simplest ways to show character and integrity. Why do I say that? Let me tell you what recently happened to me and how someone, unfortunately, tainted their character by doing something as simple as not keeping their word on more than one occasion.

The other day I was with someone who had introduced themselves to a colleague of mine and I at a function earlier in the year. His name was Robert and the function we met at was being hosted by an organization that I am a member of. I also help to run many of the organization’s functions and this particular function was no exception.  Near the end of the event Robert came up to my colleague and said he was also a member of the organization and that he wanted to help the organization out. He told my colleague that he had a great deal of experience in engineering and some IT (information technology) background. At that time is when my colleague brought him over to meet me. I help the organization out with operations management. Robert mentioned that he was very excited about what he learned at the event and about all the future events and functions the organization was preparing for. With that he asked if he could help us out. More specifically, in the operations and technology realm. I said that’s great to hear and we proceeded to talk about how and where he may be able to be of help.

We left it off with me scheduling an appointment for him to contact me within the next couples of days with an outline of the ideas he was asking my colleague and I about and how the organization may be able to implement them with his help. Robert said, “Yes, I will definitely give you a call tomorrow. If not, then the day after at the latest!”  After he left, my colleague told me that would be great to get his help and apply some of his expertise to some of the organization’s projects. I said, “Let’s see what he comes back with.” I said, “I am interested in following up with him on some of the ideas we were just discussing. They sound interesting and his expertise would be a benefit to the organization.” 

What I didn’t mention so quickly to my colleague is that I also wanted to see how reliable this person would be. After all I had just met the person that day at the event. Not meaning to sound negative or unappreciative, but a person’s character and integrity is extremely important for me. One of the most basic characteristics of character is the ability to keep their word. I hold my own personal standards for keeping my word and maintaining my character very high. It’s one of the reason’s many people trust me, I’ve been told, and I take that trust very seriously. When it comes to other people, I’ve seen a few too many times when a person “looks good” and “smells good” but are no good when it comes to their own character. All too often I’ve been disappointed in a person who says one thing and does another.

Strike One! (Keep Your Word!)

That scenario was almost two months ago and in that time, Robert never contacted me. Since that day at the function, he did not call once. He had my contact information and it was easy to find me due to my position with the organization that he himself was a member of. My name and contact information were on the front page of the organization’s website.

 “Honesty is making your words conform to reality. Integrity is making reality conform to your words.” - Stephen Covey

A week or ago Robert contacted me apologizing for the fact that he didn’t call when he said he was going to. He said he tried contacting but was having difficulty with my email and that it kept bouncing back on him. He asked if we could get together over lunch or coffee. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I mentioned that we can get together for coffee at “so and so” time, at “so and so” place, if he were up to it. I really wasn’t going out of my way to meet with Robert so I told him where I’d be when I’d be picking up my afternoon coffee.

Two Strikes! You’re Out!!

When the time came for me to get my afternoon cup of coffee, I went down to a corner cafe where I get my coffee and there was Robert. Once I got my coffee, Robert and I sat down at a table and proceeded to discuss the reason Robert was there. I was also sincerely pleased to see that he was there and willing to discuss what he wanted to discuss with me when we originally met.  He had a lot of questions about what he could do to help the organization. He proceeded to remind me of some of his skill sets and that he would be glad to use them for the benefit of the organization. After I finished my coffee, we decided to wrap things up and move onto the next step. I told him to call me Sunday evening after 7:30 PM. That is when I was reserving time with someone else to plan out some things for the organization. He appeared really excited to finally start working with me on ways to help the organization.

That was almost two weeks ago. The weekend came and went. Robert never contacted me that Sunday or the week after. As of the time of this article there is still no contact from Robert after he was so “gung-ho” to go and help the organization. My thought now of Robert is that I simply cannot trust him to keep his word. If he can’t keep his word on something as basic as contacting me when he says he will, why should I think any differently of him keeping his word with other things.

In an article titled “Keeping Word Never Goes Out of Style”, is one of the best definitions for keeping your word that I’ve come across:

Keeping your word = To honor any commitment you make to another person.

Keeping your word is basically the core of integrity. It’s essential to leadership and without it, there is no way a person can be an effective leader.

Why do I say that?

1. Integrity is required for trust. If people can’t trust your word, they won’t trust you.
2. Trust is necessary for influence. People choose those they let influence them, and this is based largely on trust.
3. Influence is essential for impact. You can’t make the impact you want to make as a leader unless you can influence others and shift their behavior.

Has anyone ever who told you one thing and did another? Probably on more than one occasion? How did that make you feel? What impression did that make you have of the other person?

Keeping your word can be difficult at times as well as expensive, and inconvenient. But make no mistake about it,  the cost of not doing so is even more expensive. It will ultimately cost you your leadership!

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It’s a question I find myself asking every now and then. Being a leader always comes with it added responsibility in some form or another. Added responsibility because everyone has things they are responsible for in their life. Whether it is their rent or mortgage, grocery bills, school homework, parenthood responsibilities, job responsibilities, you name it. We all have them in some mix. When a person is a leader, added responsibilities come about. With that added pressures, added stress, more hours most likely needed in order to get things done. So why would someone want to be a leader?

Is it a need to be important? Is it a need to be needed? Is it a need to be loved or desired? Is it a need to make a difference in something or for someone? Is it a need to have a reason for their own existence in the world?

Definitions of Leadership:

• a person who guides others toward a common goal, showing the way by example, and creating an environment in which other team members feel actively involved in the entire process. A leader is not the boss of the team but, instead, the person that is committed to carrying out the mission of the Venture. Below are some qualities a strong leader may possess.
• a person who rules or guides or inspires others
• a guiding or directing head, as of an army, movement, or political group.
• a person who goes before or with to show the way; conducts or escorts others

Looking back in my life, I’ve seen myself placed in various roles of leadership. Most of those times I didn’t want to be in the leadership role but I knew that if I didn’t do something, something I believed needed to be done, would not be done. That’s probably one of the strongest reasons a person takes on a leadership role. A person’s own beliefs and convictions cause them to see the importance of acting on them when they believe the time to do so is needed.

I don’t need to tell anyone who’s held a leadership position of any kind that the added pressures that usually find themselves with the role can at times get to them. After all, we are all only human (although some may beg to differ on that…but that is another separate subject of philosophy). We all have our weaknesses, but not all of us realize them, come to grips with them, or offset their negative impact. When the pressures of leadership causes a person to lose control of their emotions, and get angry or upset, it can derail whatever the person is attempting to do. One of my favorite books on leadership is Donald Phillip’s “Lincoln on Leadership”, in it the author states a fact that for leaders is sometimes too difficult to accept:

“The plain fact of the matter is that, for any person to successfully lead others, he or she must deal with the reality and be ready to accept the fact that leadership at times can bring out the worst in us. And understanding, as well as coming to grips with the darker side of your personality, is key to dealing with real-life situations.”

Contrary to what some may believe, Lincoln had a strong burning drive to achieve whatever goals he set his mind to achieve. It was an almost uncontrollable obsession for him and with that came a natural strong temper. As human beings that are meant to interact with others, leaders must accomplish the paradoxical task of managing their darker side. Lincoln had an interesting way of dealing with his “darker side”. What did he do? Whenever Lincoln found himself getting angry or upset at someone, he would write that person a very chiding letter outlining the audacity the other person had in doing whatever it was that upset him. He would lay out everything that was on his mind about that person at the moment within the letter. When he finished the letter, he proceeded to place it in an envelope for mailing. After he sealed the letter, he wrote on the back “Not sent”. He felt better for having released his negative feelings, but probably realized that chewing a person out would not serve any real purpose.

Some Paradoxical Words on Leadership

A number of years back, I came across a story that mentioned 10 paradoxical commandments of leadership. It wasn’t until years later that I discovered their origin.

Below are the “Paradoxical Commandments of Leadership” written by Kent M. Keith back in 1968 when he was a sophomore in college as part of a booklet (The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council) for high school student leaders.

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

(and one more)

The world is full of violence, injustice, starvation, disease, and environmental destruction.

Have faith anyway.

(The last one above is from Kent Keith’s book “Have Faith Anyway: The Vision of Habakkuk for Our Times”)

When I read them, I was really intrigued at how straight forward these “commandments” seemed to be. How powerful they were, and still are, when it came to pointing out the hard obvious trials that anyone who wishes to follow the path of leadership experiences. For me, they are powerful words that today help me remember there is a bigger reason to keep going. A bigger reason to be a good friend, a good brother, a good colleague, a good son, and a good leader. The bigger reason for me may not be the same as yours, but for me it is a reason that drives me none-the-less. Your reason may be a different one from mine, but as long as it drives you, it is a reason for you to have and move towards accomplishing your goals.

I’ve witnessed many people who’ve appeared to be great leaders and yet never saw themselves as a leader. At the same time, I’ve witnessed people who thought of themselves as a leader, but were really anything but (that is only one person’s opinion of course ).

Do you know of anyone who you would consider to be a good or even great leader? Why do you believe they are? If you see yourself wanting to be a leader, what has been your desire for leadership?

Some Great Books:

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Exercise. Some of us dread it, others can’t wait to get to it. It’s true that exercise can become additive and almost an obsession at times to some people (I myself have been bitten by the exercise workout bug). When I’m forced to go more than a couple of days without working out, I find myself having more trouble getting through the day unscathed by life’s all too familiar stresses and challenges.

The other day, I was in the gym working on my cardio and I remember feeling my mind begin to relax and get into what I was doing. It was at that time that I would also begin to remember things that I had thought about earlier. Things that I thought were great ideas at the time I was thinking about them but for one reason or another had forgotten to write down and so forgot the idea. Has that ever happened to you?  Forgetting something you thought earlier was a good idea only to have it escape your mind? Come on, be honest! It’s only you and me here at the moment.

The word “exercise” comes from a Latin root that means “to keep, to maintain, to hold off.” For me exercise has to be one of the most beneficial things in life that we are able to partake in. I’m not just saying that because of the obvious health benefits that one can get from exercising on a regular basis, but more so from the mental clarity that it gives a person.  When a person exercises on a regular consistent basis, toxins from the body are naturally extracted at a higher rate. Muscles that would begin to atrophy over time from lack of use, will in fact remain strong. If one of your goals is to lose weight or maintain the weight you’re at, keeping muscles strong and conditioned make it much easier to do so. When a person’s muscles are strong, weight is at an ideal number and toxins are diminished, a person cannot help but feel better. Both physically and emotionally. Why? Because the way a person physically feels affects their emotional state. This better feeling of themselves usually translates into having a better and more positive attitude in life that can easily be seen by subordinates, colleagues, friends and family.

Leaders who appear physically fit are viewed as better leaders. According to an article on weeklyleader.net:

“Fitness does so much more than just keep the extra weight off and prevent us from blaming the cleaners for shrinking our clothes. It increases mental stamina and endurance as well. It helps one weather stressful events with aplomb, and to keep ones head when all around them are losing theirs. The leader of the group, the one expected to make a good decision under stress and chart an effective course, should take advantage of the extra mental acuity and sharpness that comes with being physically fit.”

I have to say that recently I became a little fascinated with how exercise was helping me to become a better leader and so I decided to see if anyone out there had made any kind of study on the connection. One study that I found, from the Center for Creative Leadership (CCL), found that individuals who exercise are significantly more effective leaders than those who don’t. According to the study, executives who exercise rate significantly higher on skills such as leading others (interpersonal savvy,  inspiring commitment, and creating synergy), leading by personal example and results orientation than non-exercisers.

Probably one of the simplest and easiest exercises to do is to take a walk.  According to the Franklin Institute, walking is very beneficial to the brain because it “increases blood circulation and the oxygen and glucose that reach your brain.” As you walk, you effectively oxygenate your brain. Maybe this is why walking can “clear your head” and help you to think better.

So the next time someone tells you that leadership and exercise do not have anything to do with each other, you can rest assured that you know better and are (hopefully) the wiser.

What’s your favorite exercise?

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Empathy enables a person to establish a connection with others and is necessary for mutual interaction and full comprehension of the experience. It is probably one of the most important aspects of being a leader in every situation. Without it, a person is virtually guaranteed to become out of touch with the environment, he or she is in. Without empathy, a leader cannot lead. Without empathy, a person cannot be in any type of mutually beneficial relationship. Without empathy, a person is basically asking to be completely alone in life.

Have you ever wished to be more empathetic in order to become a better leader? In order to have a better relationship with a friend, loved one or colleague?

There are many great and free resources about empathy available. Here are some great articles, posts and videos that talk about empathy and it’s importance in leadership, parenting and relationships: 

1. 5 Tips for Empathetic Listening — Really a quick read from Stepcase Lifehack on the five simple steps one can use to be more empathetic. 
2. Are You Empathetic or Sympathetic? — A brief post by Robbie Miller Kaplan (author of the book “How to Say It When You Don’t Know What to Say”) on how he words sympathy and empathy are often thought to be the same, and yet they are distinct expressions. 
3. Avoiding the Five Pitfalls to Becoming an Empathetic Listener — A very concise article about why more people are not better empathetic listeners. 
4. Being a Good Manager/Mom: Be Empathetic — Quick post from Sarah Rottenberg who describes it well by saying that a recent post got her “thinking about what I think it takes to be a good manager. And I think it’s simple: be empathetic.” 
5. Empathetic Voice Improves Doctor-Patient Communication — Doctors who use an empathetic voice with patients can elicit more information about their health problems and encourage them to stick to their treatment regime, a Monash researcher has found. 
6. Empathetic Understanding and School Leadership Preparation — a paper written by Diane Ketelle and R. Pete Mesa, Mills College. Successful leaders seem to share one thing in common – empathy. The authors posit that empathic understanding is foundational to leadership. 
7. Empathy and Showing Empathy — Interesting article descibing the importance of empathy in leadership positions. 
8. Empathy is in Our Genes — a quick read from the Thaindian News website citing a few research studies on the topic. 
9. Empathetic Customer Service — a short article on how empathy played such an important role in the lasting of one of America’s successful companies of it’s day. 
10. Exercise in Creative Classroom Management — How to Become a More Empathetic Teacher – The title speaks for itself. 
11. Gandhi’s Neurons: The Practice of Empathy – Article by Bruna Martinuzzi on 
12. How to be an Empathetic Listener – article on steps for being a better listener with empathy. 
13. How Empathetic are You? — Interesting article with a link to a test where one can determine their Empathy Quotient. 
14. How to Practice More Empathy in Your Business Management — Sometimes it’s hard to be a business manager, especially when you are in difficult situations with your employees. One of the important things that you need to exercise in these difficult situations is empathy.
15. How to Teach Your Kids to be Empathetic – A story post from the website “Effective Parenting” that gives a good example of the results of teaching empathy to a child.
16. Make Empathetic Listening your Super Power — a very good article on being empathetic.
17. Mirror Neurons – Video of discussing a recently discovered system in the brain that may help explain why we humans can get so worked up watching other people.
18. Principles of Empathic Communication — From Leadership University, an itemized summary of “Habit 5 — Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood” from Stephen Covey’s “THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE”.
19. Resilience: Compassion and Empathy — The quality of your relationships, and not the quantity of them, is what matters for you in terms of your emotional resilience. One of the attributes that differentiates people with higher quality relationships from people with lower quality relationships is their ability to be compassionate and empathetic.
20. The Art of Empathetic Listening — an article by Gian Fiero, an educator, speaker and consultant who specializes in business development, career planning, and personal growth issues.
21. The Benefits of Empathic Listening – an article with some good guidelines for understanding and being a empathic listener.
22. The Caring Child: How to Teach Empathy – Good article of giving a child a head start in having the ability to be empathetic.
23. Three Steps to Empathetic Listening — Oftentimes, people are too busy, they don’t make the effort, or they simply don’t know how to listen empathetically to others. And it is because of this that people have difficulty getting in touch with their feelings and they harbor negative emotions about others.
24. What’s Empathy Got to Do With It? — a very good article by describing empathy in detail along with ten leadership tips on being more empathetic.
25. What is Empathy? How to be Empathetic – Very short and concise article by Gwendolyn Cuizon on empathy.

If you know of other good articles on the subject of empathy that you believe someone else needs to read or know about, share it with us in the comments below!

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Last week I was fortunate enough to be a participant in a two day leadership retreat. I was one of among thirty or so regional leaders chosen for a year long training program where participants will be involved in the development of a community based project. The two day leadership retreat was the first time everyone involved in the year long training program would be getting together. When I found out that I was going to be one of the people chosen to go through the course, I was really happy and looking forward to being part of the group. That was back in November of last year.

As the time for the retreat come closer, I began to think about how the retreat would be handled by the staff organizing it. After all it was suppose to be the first in a series of learning workshops for the coming year and the tone of the first program in the process would most likely be the tone to expect in future trainings. For me, not knowing what to really expect caused a little bit of anxiety for me but at the same time I still was greatly looking forward to it.

The location of the two day retreat was just over an hour from where I live. People in the group had the option of going to the retreat center on a private coach rented by the organization holding the retreat, or to go by car. Since the organizers hinted that the retreat would actually be starting on the bus on the way over I chose to take the bus ride. I will say it was a fun bus ride, I got to learn about some of the people who were going on the retreat with me. Coincidentally, one person I got to know was actually someone I was communicating with via the social media world. Thomas Clifford is more known to many in the northeast as “Director Tom”. For those of you who don’t know him, check out his blog!

Once we all got to where we would be spending the next two days, we got to work on various team building, leadership development and personal self-awareness exercises. There was also plenty of instruction given on the various areas of leadership to complement the exercises. For me, some of the facilitation seemed to almost cross the line of sounding as though they were facilitating to grammar school children. Author’s personal note: I’m not the type of personality that takes very well to a learning environment where instructors sound as though they are speaking to grammar school children. But given the number of people that were there (two to three facilitators for thirty to forty participants) each with a distinct personality, it would be difficult for anyone’s teaching style to please or be taken well by everyone.

I Needed to Make a Choice

Being that I was chosen to participate in the group, and the year long leadership training that went along with it, I chose to keep one very important aspect…an open mind. That said, the next two days turned out to be very eye-opening to me. Why? Because I was able to get a much better understanding about others as well as myself. Not saying that it was some sort of religious experience necessarily, but I did learn a great deal more than I expected. Looking back now in retrospect, I would not have been able to get as much out of those two days or learn as much as I did if I didn’t choose to keep an open mind and listen to what others had to say. That alone taught me the most because how many things would I have missed or have go over my head if a decided to keep a closed mind (remember I mentioned earlier that I was interpreting the teaching style of some of the facilitators as “grammar school teaching style” like).

Do you remember a time when you decided to keep your mind closed when someone was telling you something you didn’t agree with or believe? Was it possible that you missed an important lesson in the process? Do you remember a time when you chose to keep an open mind when someone was telling you something you didn’t believe or agree with?  I guess it can be more comforting to think YOUR way is the only right way…they say ignorance is bliss. But at what cost?

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As I write this post, it’s snowing outside, thanks to the courtesy of winter storm Albert coming up the East coast. My town was fortunate to only get 12 to 16 inches. Some other areas of the state got over 24 inches. Due to my injury this past summer, I’m still recovering and medically forbidden from all strong twisting motions that may cause me to re-injure myself. What does that mean? It means I’m not allowed to shovel my own driveway and sidewalk so I’m letting some of the neighborhood kids earn a few dollars shoveling it for me (and no I don’t own a snowblower). In the meantime, I’m stuck at home unable to go out until my driveway is cleared.  This made me think about what I can do with the little bit of time I have until my driveway is clear. “The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine” is a saying that comes to mind. The first time I read it, I thought how profound yet simple. The funny thing is that I recognized it to be so true. Everyone has the same 168 hours in a week. What we get out of it depends a great deal on what we do with it. At the same time, it also depends on what we don’t do with it.

We all have the choice to choose what we do with our time to some extent of another. Whether it is taking care of our children, going to work, taking care of an errand, you name it we all have something we choose to do…even if it’s doing nothing at all.

What do you like to do when you find yourself with time on your hands?

Today I found myself looking at the choices of watching TV or an on demand movie, reading a book, or catching up on my emails. I decided to give myself some time reading a good book. I haven’t been able to do that in a few days and as I started reading, I began to see the images of the world that the book was describing and the story that was unfolding within its words. I read for a little bit, which for me with a good book is a few hours, and then put the book down after saving my place with a bookmark. Growing up so many of my friends despised reading and they did everything they could to avoid doing the reading assignments from school (Cliff Notes, Book Summary Reviews, etc.). Even as an adult I know so many people who would prefer not to read at all if they could help it.  Of all things that a person can do to weaken the growth in their life, choosing not the read is probably one of the worst.

“Reading is to the mind what exercise is for the body” – Sir Richard Steele

Reading can become addictive and a healthy addiction at that. The benefits that come from reading are always guaranteed and they always come to those who read, regardless of whether they are consciously aware of them or not. It doesn’t matter who you are and what it is that you’re reading, the benefits are always there, provided what you’re reading is not trash.

The most wonderful thing that reading offers is a view into another world. When you pick up a book and start reading it, you begin to lose yourself into it. Studies have proven  that reading offers the mind a healthy escape from the everyday routines of life and allows us to recharge our brains a bit. Reading offers us a chance to see the world from someone else’s eyes, thus broadening our minds to other points of view and new possibilities. Reading is also a great imagination booster and it helps to give people a better sense of creativity. If you ever find yourself needing a new idea for a project at work or simply a fresh design for a new pillow cover, all you need to do is read. It doesn’t mean that you’ll necessarily find the idea you’re looking for in what you’re reading, but the very act of reading allows the mind to wander into another mode of thinking allowing the creative reserves of your mind to flow. Reading has also been shown to help people with focus and concentration.

-Did you know that the average American only reads one book a year?

-And that 60% of average Americans only get through the first chapter?

-CEOs of Fortune 500 companies read an average of four to five books a month.

Why am I saying this about reading? Because of all the things we can do to improve the quality of life, reading has to be the most inexpensive and also one of the most powerful ways to do it.

“Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders must be readers.” — Harry S. Truman

“The ability to read awoke inside me some long dormant craving to be mentally alive.” — Autobiography of Malcolm X, 1964

“You’re the same today as you’ll be in five years except for the people you meet and the books you read.” — Charlie “Tremendous” Jones

“No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.” — Confucius

“The more you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” — Dr. Seuss, “I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!”

I challenge every person who doesn’t read to try the following: For 7 days, plan out 10 to 15 minutes everyday to do nothing but read a book on something you’d like to know more about. Do it at the same time each day if you can. A simple way to choose a book to read is to go to a nearby Border’s or Barnes and Noble and choose a book from their best seller selection. These are usually not expensive and can be bought in paperback form (less expensive than hardcover). After 7 days, see if you notice anything different with the way your mind is. You may notice that you are more focused on certain things than you usually are or you may feel that you are accomplishing more than you’re use to accomplishing. Whatever you notice, I’m willing to wager that you’ll notice some form of positive benefit in your life just by taking a little bit of time each day to read.

What would you like to do better in your life? It’s a good chance that reading will help!

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Today I went to an annual ritual enjoyed by many in the corporate world.  Today was my company’s annual holiday party. Complete with raffles, cash bar and plenty of food, the atmosphere was ripe for mingling between colleagues.  What I personally never fail to notice is how many people come to such parties and then basically sit by themselves with maybe one other colleague. At a similar company party many years ago, I asked one of my then colleagues, who told me he preferred sitting by himself most of the time, why come to the event then?  His answer was, “To be seen.” He wanted others, especially upper management, to see that he was a team player and that he goes out of his way to be at the company party. I couldn’t help but be a little surprised and puzzled by his rational!

That answer stuck with me for a while because here was someone who I respected as a colleague. He was smart in his work and always got the job he was responsible for done. But at the same time I couldn’t help but wonder really as to why even come to the company party if you’re not going to, at the very least, mingle.

One of the biggest benefits of going to company holiday parties is that it gives people the great opportunity to have face to face time with company personnel at all levels. There is no other place that a person can have such an opportunity within the company all at one location. Today I was able to find people who I used to work with a couple of years ago and quickly catch up. It was also nice to run into people I usually converse with via email or phone call and have a face to face conversation. But one of my favorite things to do at company parties (in addition to what I just mentioned) is introduce people I know to other people that I know. I’ve been asked why do this if they don’t necessarily work with each other? The reason is to help place a name with a face.  This has provided the people I’ve introduced with information they can use at a later time if it turns out that one of them actually needs something from the department the other person works in. There have been plenty of times when I’ve needed to find out something or get something done where a person I was introduced to earlier was able to help me out. If I hadn’t met that person earlier, via an introduction from someone else, I may not have been able to get some things done in as timely a manner as they were done. Another, big advantage of attending company parties, such as the annual holiday party, is that you get the opportunity to meet your boss’s, boss’s , boss. Believe it or not, the executive a couple of tables over from where you’re sitting is there so that she can meet the people who are on her team and get to know them.

So if you do in fact go to your company’s holiday party this year, or any other company get together that would occur after work, don’t just be seen!  Get out there and enjoy the opportunity to meet face to face with your colleagues of all levels. Chances are they’ll appreciate you coming over and having a conversation with them. If you’re looking to move up in the company, the ability to talk with others at a company party will give a better impression than if you simply sat at a table and spoke only to the same person for the entire time!

What do you do at company holiday parties?

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At a recent conference, a series of seminars were being given on the subject of Emotional Intelligence or EQ (a.k.a  EI). I’ve been to many such seminars and so have many of my friends and colleagues. What I find puzzling though is how many people say they know all about emotional intelligence and yet their acts show that they probably haven’t got a clue of what it is and the way it can be used.

EQ is not simply about reading and understanding other people. One of the main points of emotional intelligence is reading and understanding ourselves and what makes up our own personal emotions (both from a physical as well as a mental perspective). Having an understanding of only one side of EQ defeats many of the purposes for it. One of the main purposes of emotional intelligence is to aid the development of our emotional literacy and self-knowledge in order to produce socially acceptable objectives and satisfy individual self-actualization needs.

It’s all about understanding yourself and the way other people react to you, and then using this knowledge to better foster relationships.

When I read the book “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ” by Dr. Daniel Goleman, I learned how as human beings we are physically wired to have our emotions take over our reasoning capability. Without going into the specific details of the human brain, let’s just say that it takes half the time for signals received from our eyes and ears to reach the emotional controlling part of the brain then it does for the same signals to reach our reasoning/thinking part of the brain. The reason for this is believed to have come from the need to survive in the early part of human existence. When a person received signals of imminent danger in the area (being surprised by a lion as you are walking across a field in Africa), the emotional part of the brain would receive the signal first so that the body can react as fast as possible (run!). If the person were to think about it first, they would most likely run out of time and end up as the lion’s next meal.

Today, there may not be lions around the corner that we have to be careful about, but the wiring of the human brain hasn’t changed. The emotional portion of our brains still receives the signals from the eyes and ears in half the time it takes for the same signal to reach the intellectual/thinking portion of our brain.

So what does that mean to us in today’s world?

Well for starters, when we deal with the everyday situations in our lives, we are wired to act emotionally first rather than to act according to our intellect. This means that, the next time someone cuts in front of you in line at the supermarket, or the next time a car cuts you off on the road, your natural tendency will be to react with your emotions. Often, that reaction for some only makes things worst. In the world of EQ, this is what’s called “Emotional Hijacking.” Emotional hijacking is a sudden unleashing of rage towards another person. It is an extreme emotional outburst or an emotional explosion caused by an incident that may trigger anger or fear in an individual. Many car accidents have been caused by people who got angry at someone while they were behind the wheel of a car. Can you think of other situations where an emotional hijacking might have been the cause of an unfortunate result?

The same thing happens at work, or at social gatherings.  When we hear a person say something we really don’t agree with, the first instinct for many of us is to get a little upset and respond quickly with some sort of counter opinion. This reaction can be even quicker if the subject being discussed in near and dear to our heart. According to a number of researches, the person’s success at work is 80% dependent on emotional intelligence. If a person is looking to become a leader in there chosen career or social network, EQ is the foundation of leadership.

Have you ever said anything to someone that you wish you could take back quickly?

For many of us, the answer to the above question is a strong YES!  I’ve been guilty of that on a number of occasions. Friendships have been strained, families have been split up (some for generations), and wars have even been fought due to people reacting too quickly with their emotions.

So the next time someone says something that you don’t agree with, and you find yourself getting upset and wanting to verbally cut them off by responding quickly, understand that it may be your emotions beginning to take over your reasoning leading you to say something you may regret.

Do you know of someone who would benefit from having a better understanding of Emotional Intelligence?

Do you have some opinions about Emotional Intelligence? Share them with the rest of us! We’d love to know them!

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