In the work of French sociologist, Marcel Mauss, it’s stated that “Gifts are never free!”. That when someone gives another person a gift, they are always expecting something recipricol in return from that person. Now how much truth is in that really? Many of my friends and associates have argued with me when it comes to the notion of there being no such thing as a free gift. Some even have gone so far as to say that one should be wary of an unexpected gift giver appearing before you and giving you a gift. Especially one you didn’t ask for. Is there really such a thing as a free gift? I say there is.

When I was a young child, I remember getting separated from my mother in a crowded New York City subway station. I remember the fear that overcame me at not knowing where she was and me being all alone on that subway platform. When I started yelling out for my mom to see where she was, I also started to walk around looking for her. I found my way to where one of the token stations were and just kept on looking for my mom and yelling out her name, “Mom!”  “Mama where are you!?!” As you can imagine, I started to cry being a little kid (I was probably 4 or 5 years old). A moment later I saw two police officers approaching me and asking if I was lost. I told them that “I can’t find my mama (still crying)” At that point one of them reassured me that it was going to be alright and not to be afraid anymore.  The same officer stayed with me while the other officer went away probably looking for my mother.  The officer that stayed with me started asking me questions about my name and the usual expected stuff and then he proceeded to offer me a piece of candy to help make me feel better.

Being a little kid, the candy did in fact help comfort me a little bit. A few seconds later, my mom ran up to me and picked me up giving me a big hug saying, “I found you!”  The memory of that event never left me. Not just because it was a traumatic experience for a little kid such as me at the time, but also because I remember the officer offering me the piece of candy. I didn’t think “why is he offering me a piece of candy when I didn’t ask for one?”  I just gladly accepted it. It did in fact helped to make me feel better. The officer didn’t expect anything back from me necessarily. But in fact he did, and that was to help me feel better.

An Interesting Conversation with a Psychology Graduate Student

When I was in college, I had an interesting conversation with  one of my girlfriend’s friends. She was a psychology graduate student and asked me when I offered to help someone with a project, what I expected back from them. I was a little surprised at the straight forwardness of the question in addition to the question itself. I asked her, why do you think I want something in return? She proceeded to tell me that everyone does something in order to get something else in return. She didn’t agree with me in that I didn’t want anything in return for helping someone with a project they had. “Everyone always wants something in return or else they wouldn’t do it” she told me. I was a little surprised at her passion on the subject. It made me think for a moment on the subject at which point I told her what I wanted in return. “By helping the person with the project, I expect him to (hopefully) get a passing or better grade on it.” If he wants to help me on something else in the future in some way, shape or form, then that is up to them. I’m not expecting anything in return. My girlfriend’s friend didn’t agree and told me that didn’t make sense because that is simply how people are. A person never does anything for free. Even though this is not the first time I heard this, it is definitely not the last.

When you give someone a gift, such as a compliment, you’re in fact exposing yourself to that person or to the people around you. Similar to the college story above, when a person near you overhears you giving someone else a compliment or offering them help, they may believe that I’m just trying to get a date with the person, or trying to make a good impression, or worse “kissing up” to the person. Seth Godin talks about this in his blog post, “Gifts, misunderstood”.

“Have you ever done something for someone, not expecting anything in return from them or anyone else for it?”

I have! Many times in fact! It can be something as simple as giving a person a compliment on a piece of jewelry they are wearing or on a nicely manicured front yard. When I give a person a compliment, am I really expecting something back from them? Maybe yes, maybe no. For me sincerely making a person feel better is what I am expecting. If that person feels better due to me giving them a sincere compliment or me giving them a gift, then I feel better.  It actually makes life more enjoyable for me and I’m sure the person receiving the gift.

“Can you truly imagine a life where people only gave others a gift (whether it be a physical object or a verbal compliment) in order to get something directly back?”

How did you feel the last time someone gave you a gift? How did you feel the last time someone gave you a compliment? How did you feel the last time you gave someone a gift? How about the time before that? How did you feel the last time you gave someone a sincere compliment?

What are your thoughts on the giving of a gift?

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The other day I was talking with a close family friend who I hadn’t seen in a number of years. I asked him how he was doing and what he had been up to since the last time I spoke with him. His name is John and he mentioned to me that he had been doing given the circumstances of being out of work for a period of time. He’s now working once again, but not in the area he was originally working in. I asked him where he was working now and he told me he was working for a small marketing company doing some marketing in addition to some IT (Information Technology) work for them.

I was surprised that John was doing marketing because for most of my life, he was the engineering type who enjoyed tinkering with gadgets of all types. His main career for the past 25 or so years had been in the computer industry so when he mentioned that he was now doing marketing I found it really interesting. I had to ask how a person in their early 50’s, who has been working for so many years in one field, goes from working in the computer industry to working in the marketing industry. John mentioned that he always found the computer field very rewarding, but that recently he had been looking at other areas to apply his mind to. When he was laid off earlier last year, he decided he needed a change for himself.

“That was an interesting change” I told him. I then asked him how he was able to “break into” the marketing field at this stage in life. “I wasn’t aware that you knew enough about marketing to go into it” was my exclamation. He told me he didn’t. He thought he knew a little about marketing, but when he looked for positions in marketing, he quickly found out (unfortunately during interviews) that he really didn’t know much at all. John told me that this made him self-conscious at the thought of applying for any more marketing positions. But instead of giving up, John said he decided to learn as much as he could about the aspects of marketing. He enrolled in a couple of summer courses at a local community college in his hometown. At the same time, he went to the library and read up on marketing careers, professional marketing companies, marketing consultation and almost every area of marketing he was able to get his hands on. He also did research on the internet.

After doing this level of self education on marketing, and after the two summer courses were done, he proceeded to start applying for marketing positions once again. The result, he had a couple of job offers within a month or so of applying. Today he is really happy at what he is now doing. What stuck out to me during this whole conversation is that many people I know, many of which are younger than my family friend John, look at themselves as too old to learn a new field or trade. I was never a follower of such a philosophy and here was living proof that it is possible to learn new things at any age. As my late grandfather (R.I.P.) found out in the last few years of his life, after learning about emailing and computers in his mid-eighties (and writing electronic articles for his town paper in this manner), we never really loose the ability to learn. Some people just allow themselves to believe they aren’t able to learn anything new.

What would you like to learn about?

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A while ago I read a story about an elderly man who approached the famous nineteenth-century poet and artist, Dante Gabriel Rossetti. The old fellow had some sketches and drawings that he wanted Rossetti to look at and tell him if they were any good, or if they at least showed potential talent.

After looking over the first few carefully, he knew that they were worthless and showed no sign of artistic talent. But Rossetti was a kind man, and he told the elderly man as gently as possible that the pictures were without much value and showed little talent. He was sorry, but he could not lie to the man.

The visitor was disappointed, but seemed to expect Rossetti’s judgment. He then apologized for taking up Rossetti’s time, but would he just look at a few more drawings — these done by a young art student?

Rossetti looked over the second batch of sketches and immediately became enthusiastic over the talent they revealed. “These,” he said, ” these are good. This young student has great talent. He should be given every help and encouragement in his career as an artist. He has a great future if he will work hard and stick to it.”

Rossetti could see that the old fellow was deeply moved and asked, “Who is this fine young artist?” he asked, “Your son?”

“No,” said the old man sadly. “It is me — forty years ago. If only I had heard your praise then! For you see, I got discouraged and gave up — too soon.”

The author of the above story is unknown, and this story has been mentioned in many books, blogs and seminars. For me it’s a perfect example of how much some encouragement can mean to a person who may need it in their life. We may not always know when a person needs the encouragement or we may not see the result of it, but giving encouragement may be one of the most powerful tools each of us has in positively changing our world.

A Person with a Gift that Was Never Opened

The above story always reminds me of something that happened to one of my uncles. He always wanted to learn how to play the piano. Now in his early sixties, he noticed me playing piano and then guitar one day. He looked at me with a strange and at the same time proud look. After I was finished playing he came over to the piano and started playing a little bit. His level of playing was more by ear and at a beginner level of playing. I asked him what was on his mind when he was watching me play. His response was, “I wished I learned how to play an instrument at your age.”

When I saw how quickly my uncle picked up a melody and how easy it seemed to him, as a musician myself I realized he had a natural gift for playing music. I asked him why he never started learning an instrument earlier in his life. He told me that while he was in his pre-teens and then his teens, his mother would always be telling him that he didn’t have a musical ear and couldn’t possibly learn how to play an instrument. This discouraged my uncle so much that he accepted what he called his personal “lot in life”. No one ever told him he had a natural talent for music. People would see him in musical instrument stores and in school (playing on the piano) and never say anything to him about it. At the time he was a little too shy to ask another person’s opinion about his musical ability.

Who Would Benefit from Encouragement?

What would have happened to him had someone given him a little encouragement?

Would he have created some of the world’s favorite music? Would the elderly man in the first story have gone on to paint some of the most beautiful images people would ever see? We’ll never really know will we.

Have you ever noticed something in someone else that you believed deserved some praise?

Have you ever seen a person discouraged at something good they are attempting to accomplished? What remarks could we share to uplift that person’s spirits?

“Those who are lifting the world upward

and onward are those who encourage

more than criticize.” – Elizabeth Harrison

We never know how much the encouragement may mean to someone else until we give it. That someone else may be you in the future. Hey…you never know .

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Have you ever wondered how some people can keep on going with a project or an idea after experiencing setback after setback after setback? How can people continue to move on with an idea, or a business, or an endeavor after an apparent heartache forces them to stop (at least temporarily)?

If you’ve ever met anyone who says they’ve not had a tough time in their life or that they never had a rough day, then you’ve met a person who has either not lived or is not telling the truth. Plain and simple.For me, what has helped keep me going has been to focus on the goal, on the dream. Earl Nightingale, in his recording “The Strangest Secret” said “Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.”

Even though I choose to make every day a positive and constructive one, there are always those moments in a person’s life when you feel that you just don’t want to move on with a project, or with a relationship or with an idea that you’ve been working on for a long time. It’s those very moments where I find myself in need of a personal pick me up. What’s great about the internet is that there is such a large number of inspirational video and audio links that you can check out a few a day and never be able to get threw them all.

Below is one of my favorites.

The Don’t Quit Poem

Click here to view the embedded video.

Here are a few others:

Never Underestimate What’s Inside You that Makes You Special

Famous Failures

Keep Trying…Until You Succeed!

40 Inspirational Speeches in 2 Minutes

My wish is that if you or someone you know is having a rough time, that at least one of the videos above helps!

Do you have a link to a video or audio recording that inspires you? Let others know about it!

Share it in your comments below!

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Wow! What an honor! This site has been added to Guy Kawasaki’s “AllTop.com” list of best sites of the web for Personal Achievement. I have been a fan of the AllTop site for a while now.

Called the  “online magazine rack” of popular topics, AllTop.com is a site with a large amount of links to great news sites, blogs, services and more.

As for the next set of posts for this site…more to  come!

Stay Strong and Choose to Enjoy Your Day!

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I’m sure many of you have heard the saying “When life gives you lemons…make lemonade”. Well for those of you who know me, you know that I enjoy working out and staying in shape. Some of my personal exercise passions include running, weight and resistance training, and martial arts. Recently, I injured myself while working out in the gym. The injury wound up to be a partial tear of both my right iliopsoas (hip-flexor) and my lower rectus-abdominis (the six pack muscle). Don’t ask me how I did it. Let’s just say that even though I had been working out already for over 40 minutes, and was more than warmed up, one wrong angle on a particular exercise can make all the difference. Needless to say, the injury put me out of being able to work out at all until the injury is healed. The injury didn’t even allow me to drive a car!

That was a recent lemon that life gave me and it’s now about a month ago. I’m still not allowed to work out or drive a car until I’ve gone through a certain amount of physical therapy.  According to the sports orthopedic doctors who’ve examined me, this type of injury could take between six months to a year to heal…UGH!

Not being able to work out, run or do martial arts is shear torture for me! On top of that, I also enjoy eating various types of foods. The food I enjoy may be healthy for the most part, but food none the less. Without the ability to be as physically active, the amount of calories my body needs has gone way down. If I continued to eat the way I was before my injury, I would for sure pack on the pounds!

What Do I Do Now? Importance Choosing Your Attitude

So what did I do with the lemon I got thrown?  I could’ve complained, gone into a bout of self-pity with a negative attitude, but I chose not to!  I decided on maintaining a positive attitude. To do something more productive with the time I now had by doing something I never did before. I started a blog. In addition, I started to read many other people’s blogs as well.

What I did not expect was how much joy creating a blog, adding to a blog and reading other people’s blogs would be. In the past month I’ve met a lot of great individuals and groups online. I’ve been able to share experiences, discuss topics of interests and learn from people who I did not even know a couple of months ago. Now I look forward to adding to my blog, commenting on other blogs and sharing ideas. Choosing your attitude is so important. For me, this was the lemonade I chose to make with the lemon I got and it’s opened up an entire new world that I otherwise would not have known.

An Inspiration

A personal favorite of mine is the New York Times best seller “No Excuses: The True Story of a Congenital Amputee Who Became a Champion in Wrestling and in Life” by Kyle Maynard. Kyle is a congenital amputee who was born with arms that end just above the elbow and legs that end at the knees.

Here is a person who had many reasons to not do things in life, but his choice of attitude helped him to not give in and become a champion high school wrestler. An example of his attitude towards the challenges of his life, and life itself:

“Whenever I’ve faced adversity, I’ve used that challenge as motivation to win through, no matter the cost. When I meet with failure, I pick myself up, dust of the dirt from the fall and focus on trying again. You can’t let failure beat you or give into the temptation of taking the easy way out. The world’s greatest accomplishments aren’t achieved on the first try.”

I read Kyle’s book a few years ago, but it still remains in my top 10 favorites. His attitude to choose the positive made all of the difference in his life. That example is one of the things to this day that helps me maintain my positive attitude.

Some Sources for a Positive Attitude Boost

Regardless of who you are, myself included, we all get days when it seems as though the only choice is to have a negative attitude. When those days come into my life, the thing that has helped me out is of course my own personal faith. Additionally, there are many other things that help me regain a positive attitude.

• A favorite song
• A favorite book
• The memory of someone whose company I enjoy.

Blogs and websites are also some of great sources for re-acquiring a positive attitude. Below are some of my favorites that may help you in choosing your attitude:

• Adversity University
• Chicken Soup for the Soul
• KatieFrieling.com
• KeithFerrazzi.com
• Ramblings from a Glass Half Full
• Success Consciousness
• Think Simple Now
• WellReadLife
• Zen Habits

What are some of your favorite ways to develop a better attitude? Do you know of anyone who is always in a positive mood? How do they keep such a positive attitude going? Inquiring minds would like to know.

(My sincerest wish is that the above has helped to make a positive difference in your life or in the life of someone you know! If you know of someone who you believe needs to see this post…let them know!)

Warmest Regards,

Gil

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Do you have any favorite sayings that inspire or motivate you? Why not share some of them! I have a habit of reading many personal development and inspirational books from which I’ve learned some fantastic sayings. Some of my favorite sayings include “The worst of all fears is the fear of living” by Theodore Roosevelt. Another is “The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up” by Mark Twain. You never know when a particular saying, or story will pop out at you and give you a new perspective or inspiration on something you’ve had to deal with in your life.

Great Quote Sites:

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