Let’s Do Lunch! (…You Call Me)

August 2, 2011 by
Filed under: Networking, Relationships 

LetsDoLunch Lets Do Lunch! (...You Call Me)Some­times you have to choose between stay­ing in touch with a per­son and rarely ever con­nect­ing. There are many peo­ple I’ve met who will say, “Let’s get together for lunch or cof­fee”. Maybe even meet up on a Fri­day or a Sat­ur­day night at a regional club or restau­rant. What’s funny though about some of these peo­ple is that unless you call them, you never hear from them. Oh, they do respond to an email, text or phone call. But unless you’re the one ini­ti­at­ing the con­nec­tion, a long time will go by with­out an ounce of evi­dence that they even know you. What’s up with that??

Was It Some­thing I Said or Some­thing You Said?

It can really be amaz­ing when a per­son asks you to get together for lunch or some­thing of the sort and then they “only” expect YOU to con­tact them. True mean­ing­ful rela­tion­ships are always a two way street. Now there will always be times when one per­son becomes so busy that they don’t reach out to any­one, and yes I’ve been guilty of that many times. But, when you notice a per­son is always expect­ing you to call them, that can say some­thing entirely dif­fer­ent and that’s when you may need to re-analyze the rela­tion­ship you have with that person.  

The other day I was at an event where I ran into a per­son that I’ve known for a few years. That per­son is look­ing for new employ­ment oppor­tu­ni­ties because he knows he is going to be laid off in a cou­ple of months. What’s odd is that he’s known this for a few months already – Yes, I can just here the peo­ple out there read­ing this post who may just have been laid off them­selves with­out notice say­ing, “I wish some­one had told me a few months back that I was going to be laid off!”…unfortunately, this person’s sit­u­a­tion is not the norm when it comes to lay­offs and unem­ploy­ment. The rea­son that I say that this was odd was because I had into this same per­son a cou­ple of months ear­lier. It was then when he told me that he was look­ing for other oppor­tu­ni­ties, not at the cur­rent event we were both attend­ing. A cou­ple of months back, he told me that he wanted to touch base with me over lunch or cof­fee to ask me some advice and see if I had any lead or ideas about pos­si­ble oppor­tu­ni­ties that may be out there. Since that other event a cou­ple of months ago, he never reached out to me to see if we could set some­thing up. What does that say?  Hey, maybe there is some­thing that he is not say­ing about what he thinks of me? Maybe he is just for­get­ful? Maybe he’s really not seri­ous about what he said a cou­ple of months back when he told me he was look­ing for a new opportunity?…I really can’t say the rea­son. What I can say is that in all rela­tion­ships, the com­mu­ni­ca­tion and more impor­tantly the “ini­ti­a­tion of com­mu­ni­ca­tion” needs to be a two way street.

Should You Be the Initiator…Always?

Should you always be the per­son to ini­ti­ate a con­ver­sa­tion or meet­ing between friends all the time? Some say yes, some say no, other’s say, “Does it really mat­ter?” On that last one, I say it does to a point. It all depends upon what you think of that per­son and if they are really some­one you want to ded­i­cate a por­tion of your time to. Even if that por­tion is only get­ting together for cof­fee or lunch, which is time that you could be doing some­thing else. Time is a pre­cious asset in a person’s life. Is it for you? I’m not really going to give you or any­one an answer to that last ques­tion because it’s really up to you if you want to keep up a rela­tion­ship with that person.

What Say You?

This is always the inter­est­ing part…asking for other’s opin­ions. What can you really say about peo­ple who always say they want to con­nect with you but unless you ini­ti­ate the con­nec­tion, you never hear from them. How would that make you feel after a while when you real­ize that, unless you make the effort to reach out to some­one, you never hear from them?  I say again, true rela­tion­ships are always a two way street. True rela­tion­ships, true friend­ships, are always a two way street. What say you?

…Cheers!

Comments

6 Intelligent Opinions, Leave Yours on Let’s Do Lunch! (…You Call Me)

  1. Relationship Advice on Sat, 6th Aug 2011 7:58 pm
  2. Fun­nily enough, I’ve got thoughts of a career change and have a fairly wide net­work as well.

    Thoughts of where to start wihout impact­ing my cur­rent sit­u­a­tion as well as ensur­ing there’s an oppor­tu­nity to mend the cur­rent sit­u­a­tion abound as well.

    On the ‘Call Me’ sce­nario though, it’s both a per­son­al­ity and a time thing, I think. Uncer­tainty whether it’s the right thing to do, whether the other per­son can help, whether they even care or have the abil­ity to help are all things going through a person’s mind.

    At the end of the day, it’s a dynamic thing with lots of vari­ables affect­ing the rela­tion­ship. Good ques­tion to ask, Gil.
    Rela­tion­ship Advice recently posted..Dressed For Dat­ing SuccessMy Profile

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  3. Gil Pizano on Sun, 7th Aug 2011 10:09 pm
  4. Thanks for shar­ing your thoughts on the topic! You point out very impor­tant things to keep in mind…Cheers!

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  5. Julia on Wed, 10th Aug 2011 7:41 pm
  6. I com­pletely agree that true rela­tion­ships are a two way street. I’ve even let a friend­ship go because I got tired of being the ini­tia­tor time after time — and espe­cially when the friend acted annoyed if I didn’t ini­ti­ate! I espe­cially get frus­trated when I run into “friends” who espe­cially frus­trated when I run into some­one at the gro­cery store and they sound remorse­ful that we haven’t got­ten together in so long — yet they never call or make con­tact. I’m hon­estly through with always being the ini­tia­tor; I actu­ally enjoy being alone more than that!

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  7. Gil Pizano on Thu, 11th Aug 2011 10:12 pm
  8. Julia, yes it def­i­nitely is a two-way street and your deci­sion to let a friend­ship go is a hard deci­sion to make for many should it need to be made. Inter­est­ingly enough, if you were always call­ing them they may not real­ize that the friend­ship ended (that is until they run into you at the gro­cery store :) ). Thanks for the com­ments Julia!!

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  9. Charlotte on Sat, 27th Aug 2011 1:19 pm
  10. Not every­one is out­go­ing and self-confident. Con­sider the pos­si­bil­ity that the per­son wait­ing for your invi­ta­tion is lack­ing con­fi­dence about your inter­est in their sit­u­a­tion — or lack­ing self-confidence in general.

    Once you’ve demon­strated your inter­est by ini­ti­at­ing con­tact and your rela­tion­ship is on a more even foot­ing, then they’re more likely to relax and reach out in future.

    If that doesn’t hap­pen — then make a choice whether to pur­sue the rela­tion­ship or let it go … and reserve judge­ment about why the rela­tion­ship did not develop into any­thing — it’s not a reflec­tion on either of you … maybe just wasn’t a good fit.

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  11. Gil Pizano on Sat, 27th Aug 2011 11:41 pm
  12. Very good points you make Char­lotte. You are right in that not all rela­tion­ships are nec­es­sar­ily a good fit and it’s true that not every­one is con­fi­dent enough to make the move to reach out to some­one. Prob­a­bly a ques­tion one should ask is, “should it always be you who reaches out?” Thank you for tak­ing a moment to share!

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