A prolific leader by the name of Spencer W. Kimball once noted: “Profanity is the attempt of a feeble mind to express itself forcefully.” How many people would agree with that statement? It’s also been mentioned that a person who uses profanity to continuously express themselves is only showing their limited command of basic language skills. Most, if not all languages, have multiple ways of expressing themselves strongly for just about any type of situation without the use of swearing or the use of profane language. Sometimes though people find the need to cuss in order to get the point across to others.

When given the choice of using profane language, some freely choose to verbally let loose like the most talented sailor as the saying goes. But what good is it to cuss? It probably can be answered by noticing where you’re at or who is possibly around you when decide to do so.

The Case of the Cranky Debt Collector

A recent case in Texas calls attention to how and when never to use profanity. In it, a Texas man was awarded $1.5 million in punitive damages from a collection agency whose employee repeatedly called the man in order to collect an outstanding charge of just under $200. A charge that was being disputed as having already been paid. The issue here is that the collection agency employee decided to not just use profane language, but also to leave multiple messages using profanity on the Texas man’s answering machine. It’s safe to say that this collection agency employee and the company the employee work(ed) for are regretting the use of profanity in the running of it’s services.

One interesting scenario that points out the “positive of cussing” is pointed out in the article Should Leaders Ever Swear?:

In the most memorable scene of any academic paper I’ve read lately, Jenkins, after working in the packing department for a couple of months, uses nuclear-grade profanities to challenge an alpha-male co-worker, a guy named Ernest: “Well f—–g get on with it then, you lazy —-.” Other workers gasped, but in fact, the incident led Jenkins to be invited to join group activities from which he’d previously been excluded. “[Jenkins] had identified the profane linguistic ‘initiation rite’ for inclusion in the packers’ social group, and used it successfully,” the authors concluded.

–Dan McGinn in the HBR article “Should Leaders Ever Swear?”

The funny thing to me is that, similarly to the last above example, I’ve seen first hand the affect of using profane language and it’s positive outcome (at least to one person).

At a company I use to work for, many of the managers would hang around after work in the office and continue to talk about issues and project at work. These were often the managers who were known as some of the key influencers of the company. Many of them were known for making “back room deals” that would effect company projects and their outcomes. Most of them were male, with only one female, who I will call Leslie for this scenario. What was noticeable when these managers stayed after normal work hour to continue discussions that started earlier in the day is that many of them would begin to use “colorful four letter words” in their vocabulary that they wouldn’t use during the day. Every so often they would stop themselves and apologize to Leslie for the use of such language. These managers were Directors, and Vice Presidents who would never use profane language during the regular day-time working hours. But here they were doing so in the office. What was interesting to me was how they acted around Leslie when she was in the room. Going out of their way to not cuss as often. One evening, during conversation Leslie decided to use a few colorful words of her own and when she did so, many of the people in the room stopped what they were doing and looked at Leslie using profanity. If I could describe the change in that room and in that group, I would not be doing it justice. Why do I say that? Because as soon as Leslie showed that she could cuss with the best of them, the men in the room just relaxed and it could be seen. I never saw them relax so much with Leslie in the room after work. They started to bring her into more of the conversations and ask her more often for her opinions and insights.

What was interesting to note in the above example with Leslie is that the only thing she did here was demonstrate that she could use profanity herself. She told me later on that she usually doesn’t use profanity ever but every so often she’d put into a scenario where some need to use profanity in order to be accepted by others. Others whom she needs to have some rapport with in order for Leslie to do her job.

Know Your Audience!

Profanity is not a must for a person to use in order to be accepted into a group they want to be accepted into. In Leslie’s case, it was just with one particular group where she needed to use it in order to gain some acceptance. In another case, a person who we’ll call John was attending a local Rotary Club get-together. He was excited about attending since he just moved to the area and wanted to meet some of the wheeler and dealers in business and humanitarian service group. Many of whom are members of the local Rotary Club. When John conversed with people after introducing himself, he was very “generous” in the use of profanity while discussing ideas, concerns, areas he has expertise in and areas where he’d like to get involved. As the evening when on, he noticed that more and more people were beginning to alienate him. Later, while touching base with someone who had attended the event, I found out that what stood out about John was not his skill, background or personality. It was his use of profanity. No matter who he spoke with, he would drop one profanity after another within his sentences. This turned many people who attended off and needless to say, many people did not want to associate themselves with John so readily.

There are people who would argue that a person has a right to use whatever language they want. I believe that to be true. But also true is the right of a person to experience the consequences (both good and bad) of the language they choose to use. One age old truth about freedom is that the more freedom one has, the more responsibility one has as well. There is no way to separate freedom from responsibility, they go hand in hand.

So the next time you are with someone or around someone where they can hear what you say, if you choose to use profanity in expressing yourself, don’t be so surprised at how they might treat you!

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In the work of French sociologist, Marcel Mauss, it’s stated that “Gifts are never free!”. That when someone gives another person a gift, they are always expecting something recipricol in return from that person. Now how much truth is in that really? Many of my friends and associates have argued with me when it comes to the notion of there being no such thing as a free gift. Some even have gone so far as to say that one should be wary of an unexpected gift giver appearing before you and giving you a gift. Especially one you didn’t ask for. Is there really such a thing as a free gift? I say there is.

When I was a young child, I remember getting separated from my mother in a crowded New York City subway station. I remember the fear that overcame me at not knowing where she was and me being all alone on that subway platform. When I started yelling out for my mom to see where she was, I also started to walk around looking for her. I found my way to where one of the token stations were and just kept on looking for my mom and yelling out her name, “Mom!”  “Mama where are you!?!” As you can imagine, I started to cry being a little kid (I was probably 4 or 5 years old). A moment later I saw two police officers approaching me and asking if I was lost. I told them that “I can’t find my mama (still crying)” At that point one of them reassured me that it was going to be alright and not to be afraid anymore.  The same officer stayed with me while the other officer went away probably looking for my mother.  The officer that stayed with me started asking me questions about my name and the usual expected stuff and then he proceeded to offer me a piece of candy to help make me feel better.

Being a little kid, the candy did in fact help comfort me a little bit. A few seconds later, my mom ran up to me and picked me up giving me a big hug saying, “I found you!”  The memory of that event never left me. Not just because it was a traumatic experience for a little kid such as me at the time, but also because I remember the officer offering me the piece of candy. I didn’t think “why is he offering me a piece of candy when I didn’t ask for one?”  I just gladly accepted it. It did in fact helped to make me feel better. The officer didn’t expect anything back from me necessarily. But in fact he did, and that was to help me feel better.

An Interesting Conversation with a Psychology Graduate Student

When I was in college, I had an interesting conversation with  one of my girlfriend’s friends. She was a psychology graduate student and asked me when I offered to help someone with a project, what I expected back from them. I was a little surprised at the straight forwardness of the question in addition to the question itself. I asked her, why do you think I want something in return? She proceeded to tell me that everyone does something in order to get something else in return. She didn’t agree with me in that I didn’t want anything in return for helping someone with a project they had. “Everyone always wants something in return or else they wouldn’t do it” she told me. I was a little surprised at her passion on the subject. It made me think for a moment on the subject at which point I told her what I wanted in return. “By helping the person with the project, I expect him to (hopefully) get a passing or better grade on it.” If he wants to help me on something else in the future in some way, shape or form, then that is up to them. I’m not expecting anything in return. My girlfriend’s friend didn’t agree and told me that didn’t make sense because that is simply how people are. A person never does anything for free. Even though this is not the first time I heard this, it is definitely not the last.

When you give someone a gift, such as a compliment, you’re in fact exposing yourself to that person or to the people around you. Similar to the college story above, when a person near you overhears you giving someone else a compliment or offering them help, they may believe that I’m just trying to get a date with the person, or trying to make a good impression, or worse “kissing up” to the person. Seth Godin talks about this in his blog post, “Gifts, misunderstood”.

“Have you ever done something for someone, not expecting anything in return from them or anyone else for it?”

I have! Many times in fact! It can be something as simple as giving a person a compliment on a piece of jewelry they are wearing or on a nicely manicured front yard. When I give a person a compliment, am I really expecting something back from them? Maybe yes, maybe no. For me sincerely making a person feel better is what I am expecting. If that person feels better due to me giving them a sincere compliment or me giving them a gift, then I feel better.  It actually makes life more enjoyable for me and I’m sure the person receiving the gift.

“Can you truly imagine a life where people only gave others a gift (whether it be a physical object or a verbal compliment) in order to get something directly back?”

How did you feel the last time someone gave you a gift? How did you feel the last time someone gave you a compliment? How did you feel the last time you gave someone a gift? How about the time before that? How did you feel the last time you gave someone a sincere compliment?

What are your thoughts on the giving of a gift?

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If you’re in the workforce today you’ve probably experienced misunderstandings that occur due to people being of differing generations. You may not know or believe that misunderstandings can occur due to people being of different generations, but they do and it’s simply a fact of life. This simple fact is probably more important today than ever before and here’s why. For the first time in human history, we have four separate generations working together in society. Each generation has its own characteristics, strengths, likes and dislikes, and working style.

“The prospect of managing workgroups consisting of such a wide potential age range presents several challenges, but it also can yield significant opportunities. .… acknowledging generational differences offers companies access to a wider array of creative ideas and, perhaps more important, ensures that the firm’s talent pool is fully tapped.” - InformationWeek article by Katherine Spencer Lee (February 4th, 2006)

The four generations being mentioned here are the “Traditionalist” (born between 1900 and 1945), the “Baby Boomers” (born between 1946 and 1964), “Generation X” (born between 1965 and 1977), and “Generation Y” (born between 1978 and 2000).

Some Generational Traits for The Four Generations

One day, there was a manager of the Baby-Boomer generation named Bob who was waiting to meet with one of his subordinates in his office. He had what he perceived as great news. His sub-ordinate John, who was of Generation-Y,  walked into Bob’s office and sat down. Bob asked John to close the door and once he did, Bob proceeded to tell him that he had great news. Bob told him that there was an opening for senior director position and that John was selected for the position. The only thing he had to do was move to one of the company’s other offices four states away. Now Bob knew that John was working towards becoming a Senior Director and now here was his chance. Upon hearing the news, John did not react the way Bob expected. John appeared flattered that he was being seen as senior director material by upper management. He also said he needed to think about the offer. This perplexed Bob because he was not able to understand John’s hesitation. After all, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. The next day, John came into Bob’s office and told him that he was not interested in taking the position. In addition, he said he was resigning in order to pursue other areas of interest. To say that Bob was surprised would be an understatement. Bob could not understand John’s reasoning here. In addition, one of the first things to come across Bob’s mind was that John did not have ambition or the drive to move up in the world and that would be a big hindrance n John’s career. Have you ever witnessed this type of scenario (or been involved yourself ) before?  Is it that John is not driven to take advantages of the opportunities that present themselves?

For a Generation-Y person, balance in life is very important, as it is for many generations. The difference here is that for a Gen-Y person, balance means “Work is not ALL ; flexibility to balance ALL interest.”

Below are some traits specific to different generations. (Note:  these are a generalization of the different traits seen for each generation. There will undoubtedly be individuals who do not fit the “mold” so to speak for the generation they are part of)

Understanding Multi-Generations (Avoiding Conflict)

Traditionalist, Baby-Boomers, Generation X, and Generation Y have different views on things when it comes to career goals, rewards,  balance and job feedback. Some of them can be quite opposite to each other which can lead to many of those multi-generational misunderstandings. As a leader, it’s always in the best interest of the group you’re leading, in what the group is attempting to accomplish, and in your effectiveness as a leader to understand how members of different generations view the world.

Views on Career Goals:

Traditionalists:      Leaving a legacy.

Boomers:               Having a Stellar Career.

Gen-Xers:              Having a Portable Career.

Gen-Yers:              Having a Parallel Career.

Views on Rewards:

Traditionalists:   A job that is well done.

Boomers:            Bonus or a Cash award. Promotion, recognition, the corner office

Gen-Xers:           Freedom; Giving them a day off.

Gen-Yers:            Having work that is meaningful.

Views on Retirement:

Traditionalists:   Reward for so many years of loyal work.

Boomers:            A time to retool.

Gen-Xers:           A time to renew yourself.

Gen-Yers:            Recycle

Views on Changing Jobs:

Traditionalists:   Stigma.

Boomers:            A regression or demotion.

Gen-Xers:           Necessary.

Gen-Yers:            Part of daily routine.

Views on Feedback:

Traditionalists:   No news is good news.

Boomers:            Once/year is more than enough.

Gen-Xers:           “How am I doing?” is asked often; Give feedback when they ask for it.

Gen-Yers:            As often as possible.

Probably the one interesting thing to remember here is that this multigenerational clash has virtually always existed. The Traditionalist generation had issues with their parent’s and grandparent’s generation. Generation-Y will be dealing with the next generation and their views and how different it may be from theirs. So the next time you find yourself saying, “Kids these days! What is the matter with them. Why don’t they <_fill in your gripe here_>? ” think about how you were with your parents and grandparents (be honest ). The next time you find yourself calling your boss as an old fogy, think about how they were brought up to see the world and make an effort to understand them. You may find yourself a little bit more patient with them.

Great Articles and Resources on the Generational Differences Discussion:

“Gen Y, Gen X and the Baby Boomers: Workplace Generation Wars” — by Steff Gelston (CIO.com)

“Generational Differences at Work” by Melissa Dittman. A psychologist studies ways to help traditionalists, baby boomers, gen Xers and millennials work better together, despite their generational differences.

“Managing Generational Differences in the Workplace” by Margaret Heffernan (Fast Company.com)

“Mixing and Managing Four Generations of Employees” — by Greg Hammill, director, intern and student programs, at FDU’s Silberman College of Business.

“Multigenerational Leadership Clout” — Phillip A. Tanzilo, MBA (Transformational Learning & Leadership)

“Multigenerational Leadership” — by Cheri Baker, owner of Emergence Consulting®

“Social Media Tips for a Multi-Generational Workforce” by Jessica Simko

“The Gen Y Factor: Secrets to Attracting and Engaging ‘New Age’ Attendees” by Karen Brost

“The Leaders We Need Now” by Tamara J. Jackson (2010 Harvard Business Review)

“What You Need to Know About Mentoring the New Generations”  by Devon Scheef and Diane Thiefoldt (2004 The Learning Cafe)

Some Great Podcasts and Videos:

“Generational View of Publishing” — Video on the future of publishing. It is an amazing piece.

“Millennial Generation” — Diane Thielfoldt  of TheLearningCafe.net discusses the Millennial generation and the impact of generational differences in the workplace

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Do you ever find yourself talking to yourself? Either out loud or quietly in your mind? A lot of people associate talking to yourself as more than a little strange. Some even say that if you talk to yourself, you’re just a lonely person with no real friends and that you may need to seek psychiatric counseling. But I don’t agree with that. I don’t even agree with anyone who has really anything negative to say about talking to yourself. The reason being that anyone who has a healthy mind will find themselves talking to themselves more often than not. But what does that really say about a person?

It’s been discovered that talking to yourself is not only normal, but may in fact help a person to become a better problem solver as well as have a more enjoyable life.  The very tactic of talking to yourself has been seen by scientist to help people find solace amid life’s pain points whenever they occur.  Instead of calling it “talking to yourself”, I prefer calling it “Thinking Out Loud” because it is really much more accurate of a statement.  

One of the earlier studies that involved the significance of talking to yourself (or thinking out loud ) was done by Dr. Paul Horton, psychoanalyst and co-author of “The Solace Paradigm”. His study, which was done by surveying 160 adults between the ages of 22 and 78, showed that “being with someone” was ranked number one on the list of things people needed and wanted in order to feel solace. The very act of talking to yourself give people the feeling that they are not really alone in facing an issue. That same study showed “going for a walk” as tenth in ranking. Below is the full ranking from that study:

10 MOST POPULAR SOURCES OF SOLACE

1. Being with someone else.

2. Listening to music.

3. Watching TV.

4. Eating.

5. Reading.

6. Talking to oneself.

7. Prayer.

8. A special book, such as the Bible.

9. Recalling pleasant memories.

10. Going for a walk.

The study showed that private behaviors, such as talking to yourself, actually lifted people out of many states of depression. Dr. Horton, who was also a psychiatrist at Child Guidance Center in Meriden, CT when the study was conducted, said “psychoanalysis has focused too much on sexuality and aggression, but the ability to give solace to oneself is the basis of such major positive feelings as joy, awe, forgiveness, and generosity.” (New York Times article from February 4, 1988)

In another study published in Early Childhood Research Quarterly by Professor Adam Winsler, an associate professor of psychology at George Mason University, 5 year olds were noted to do better on motor tasks when they talk to themselves out loud than when they were silent.  The same study showed that 78% of children performed either the same or better on a routine task when talking to themselves than when they were silent.

So What Does It All Mean?

When I read these studies, I’m not really surprised. When I ask a question out loud, it sounds differently and registers differently in my mind than when I simply “think” the same question internally. Have you ever heard yourself asking a friend or colleague a question only to find out that you figured out the answer to your question once you finish asking it? Many times, the very act of saying it out loud is what causes the mind to think in a different way.

So when was the last time you talked to yourself?

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We all have a battery pack within us that helps to sustain our personal energy throughout each day. Nope, I’m not talking about the meal we have in the morning with that fresh cup of coffee or tea, although that is a part of the overall energy equation. I’m talking about the personal energy each one of us has when it comes to just going about the day. Either at work or at a baseball game or the sort, when our personal energy is charged, you feel good. You feel that you can do good work, enjoy game you’re watching, or keep up with a group conversation.  But when your personal energy is down, you find yourself getting easily irritated, your concentration becomes more difficult to maintain, your interest in doing something begins to be lacking.

Don’t worry, everyone feels drained sooner or later of their personal energy. The trick is that just like a rechargeable battery, we need to periodically recharge our own personal energy battery in order to be at our best. Below are a few ways to help you recharge your personal energy:

• Highlight the Positive — Create a list of activities that you enjoy most and which make you feel good. Make it a point to schedule at least one of the activities on the list into your life each week.
• Don’t Take Worries with You to Bed! — If you have trouble falling asleep because you’re thinking over the day’s events or your pondering about a new idea or a new concern of some sort , then stop. Put a pad of paper and a pen next to your bed. Whatever you’re worrying about before you go to sleep, just write it down. Feel free to do the same if you tend to wake up in the middle of the night. By writing it down, you won’t have to worry about forgetting it. This is a powerful way to calm your mind and get a better night’s sleep.
• Put into Practice Some Realistic Optimism — We can’t change what happens to us, but we definitely can make a choice as to how we respond. Challenge the story you’re telling yourself when something that makes you feel bad happens. Is there a more optimistic and empowering story you can tell yourself (and others) without denying the facts?
• Just Breath — Here’s a simple one, stop what you’re doing for a moment and just take one long, deep and slow breath. Take two if you want! By taking a long deep breath (breathing in through the nose, holding it in as long as you can while remaining comfortable, and breathing out through the mouth), we increase the oxygen levels in the blood, relax the mind/body and recharge our personal energy.  A little trick on this is to try it with your eyes closed.
• Take a Break and Take a Walk — Whenever the stress of the day is getting to you, and you notice yourself getting easily irritated, your personal energy battery is getting drained too low and it may be time to take a quick getaway.  Just stop what you are doing, take a breath (see above), and go for a walk outside. Don’t just walk around in the office, or near the location where you are currently being stressed out, just get away for 10 to 15 minutes. If it’s nice outside, go for a walk outside.
• Begin a Consistent Exercise Routine — Come on, you knew this little piece of advice was coming somewhere down the line .  The key word here is consistent. Exercising is one of the simplest ways to recharge your mind and spirit. Doing it consistently is half the effort. One doesn’t need to work out in a gym and perform a body building routine if they don’t want to. Something as simple as taking a 30 to 45 minute walk every morning will work.
• Turn off Email Once a Day — This is one that rings true to my own heart. I myself am guilty of multitasking with email. Looking at, sorting and responding to emails while I’m either on the phone or talking with someone. Believe it or not, this puts quite a drain on a person. A way to help avoid this is to turn off email for at least 60 to 90 minutes each day. During that time focus all your energy on a specific task at hand.
• Take More than One or Two Breaks Each Day — No matter what you do for work, no matter how important it is, you will do a better job on it if you take some quick breaks throughout the day. The ideal amount of time is every 90 minutes or so. Why? Because for most people, the natural rhythm their bodies go through occurs once every 90 minutes. Similar to sleep cycles that occur every 90 minutes while we’re asleep, our bodies continues with their cycles every 90 minutes throughout the day, moving between periods of high energy and low energy.
• Stay Away from Your Desk (and the Office) During Lunch — In addition to the periodic breaks throughout the day, taking time to eat your lunch is a very important time to help recharge your energy. By taking an extended break in the middle of the day to eat your lunch, preferably away from the office, you’ll be able to better handle the rest of the day.

Everyone periodically needs to recharge their personal energy. Not doing so, will result in increased stress, increased issues at work and at home as well as an eventual detriment to health. The above are not the only ways in which a person can re-charge their personal battery, but they are ones that have helped many individuals (including myself) recharge.

What are some ways you recharge your personal batteries?

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Managing vs. Leading. I’ve heard many things and read many articles about being a manager versus being a leader. At the same time there have been many articles and seminars on what I’ll call the components of a manager and the components of a leader.

Being a leader. Is it the same as being a manager? Is being a good manager the same as being a good leader?  What does coaching and the ability to coach mean when it comes to being a good manager? When it comes to being a good leader? What does guiding have to do with leadership? With managing With directing? A manager has to know how to plan, organize, direct and control but a leader may not know how to plan, organize,  direct and control. Yet they are still a leader!

Managing vs. Leading vs. Directing vs. Guiding vs. Coaching vs. Supervising

What are some of the differences in the above? The meanings for many of them have some overlap, but they are still words with distinct meaning. Here are some definitions for each (according to WordNet):

Directing — showing the way by conducting or leading; imposing direction on. “felt his mother’s directing arm around him”; “the directional role of science on industrial progress”

Guiding —  direct the course; determine the direction of travelling; exerting control or influence; “a guiding principle”

Coaching — to teach and supervise (someone). The first use of the term coaching to mean an instructor or trainer arose around 1830 in Oxford University slang for a tutor who “carries” a student through an exam.

Supervising — managing by overseeing the performance or operation of a person or group; under observation or under the direction of a superintendent or overseer; “supervised play”.

Managing — (in management) the act of getting people together in order to accomplish desired goals and objectives.

Leading — (in management) the  process of social influence in which one person can enlist the aid and support of others in the accomplishment of a common task.

It’s easy to see from above that all the words really have a part in working successfully with a group. Sooner or later, every member of the group will personally be involved in performing one of the above. (In the scope of this post, I’m keeping a distinct separation between “Management” and “Managing”. Why? Because, leadership / leading is an intricate part of management. But it is not the same as managing.)

One saying  I often hear is:

“Managers do things right, while leaders do the right thing.”

This saying may be a little too blatant for my tastes, but it does shed a little light on the views of each type of position. It means that managers do things by the book and follow company policy, while leaders follow their own intuition, which may be more advantageous to the company. Managers use authoritarian and transactional style, which means subordinates have to follow a manager’s  orders while leaders use charismatic and transformational style, which means followers are inspired to follow their leader’s wishes.

Unlike with managers, people follow a leader on their own choice but people have to obey a manager.  In a way, a leader’s authority is derived from effectively balancing the task of being a genuinely accepted member of a group, while having adequate detachment to constantly adjust the course the group is heading. Groups are also usually more loyal to a leader than a manager because the leader is responsible in taking the blame when things go wrong. When things go right, the leader is often last person to accept any recognition for it. He/she often will recognize and thank the group for the success.

In the motivation department, a leader will often use passions and incite emotions to motivate people.  A manager on the other hand will not often use the language of emotions or passions but more often use logical and official methods to motivate people to complete a task. This is why leaders can be seen to be more emotional than a manager.

Risk

“Leaders stand out by being different. They question assumption and are suspicious of tradition. They seek out the truth and make decisions based on fact, not prejudice. They have a preference for innovation.” — John Fenton

Leaders will often appear to be risk-seeking while managers may often appear to be more risk-averse. Therefore, managers look for comfort and seek to avoid conflict where possible while leaders are comfortable with risk by finding ways others avoid and willing to break rules (within reason) in order to get things done.

Leadership. It’s really about coaching, guiding, and inspiring others to reach a goal. Sometimes a leader will stand in front, sometimes to the side, sometimes even behind the people he or she is trying to help reach a goal.

Even if we don’t formally have anyone reporting to us within an organization, we are still leaders because everyone in one form or another has the ability to influence others. So Where Do You Fit In? Manager or Leader? How do you see yourself? The decision one makes about that will determine where they go in an organization (and most likely the way they are seen as well).

Here are Some Great Books that I Highly Recommend on the Above!

If you have any comments on any of the above, or if you have additional thoughts to add, please feel free to share them with us in the comment section below.

Thanks and Take Care!

Gil

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It seems like there are many people who have some sort of blog these days doesn’t it. Every time you go online either to check your email or to look up something, we get bombarded with information about the “How to Make a Six Figure Income from Home” or “Gerbils and their Owners Forum”.

For those of you who are skeptical or dare I say cynical about people who have a blog and their intents, I say don’t be. Yes, there are plenty of get rich quick schemes and shysters out there online unfortunately, but there is also plenty of great information out there on just about every subject a person is interested in. Much of this information is contained within blogs. If a person is looking for information about a specific type of car such as a Camaro, a specific type of industry such as ice cream or a specific vacation destination, blogs are a fantastic wealth of information where the average person with an internet connection can get the information they desire.

According to the Wikipedia entry for blog, “A blog (a contraction of the term “weblog”) is a type of website, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order.”

Why is a Blog Different than a Company Website?

Usually blogs are written in personal voice and posts are usually updated fairly frequently. I say fairly frequently because some blog owners write on their blog once a month, if that, or they update almost every hour. The personal voice of most, if not all, blogs is usually that of a conversation between the writer and the reader. This can make it more appealing to a reader because it can deliver information in a more humanly relatable way. Blog posts are also chronological-order and dated. A company or basic ‘website’ usually contains static information written by a group from the company or business marketing department where they scrutinize every single word that goes on it. Sometimes it is this scrutiny that hides key bits of information that the reader may be interested in. Most blogs don’t have that issue. The owner(s) of the blog will usually reveal more information than needed. This plays really well into those people out there who love to find those conspiracy theory loving people out there…8-)

Blogs are also usually friendly towards the interaction between the reader and the blog writer. People can comment on the posts they read or on the blog itself if they wish to do so. By doing so, a reader can have a direct conversation that other readers can basically listen-in on. Depending upon what the blog is about, the interaction between the commentator and the blog writer will reveal a lot of information about the subject. Information that a visitor to the blog can learn from.

Be Careful Though

Just like there is a lot of good information on blogs, there is also a lot of bad or misleading information. Since a blog is really someone’s web log on a particular topic, a person can spread the wrong information. They may have good intentions or simply not know that the information is incorrect. This is especially true if the person is a very good writer and can create a believable atmosphere on his/her blog. What I mean as a believable atmosphere is that their blog or post can appear to be really professional looking and appear to have “credible” information which may in fact be nothing more than a link to another blog that they own or a reference to an article written by someone who didn’t do, shall I dare say, their homework on the subject.

How Do I Find a Blog that Writes About What I’m Looking For?

Good question! Here is one of many good answers to that question. A secret is that there are sites out there specifically keeping track of what people are writing about. One very good site is www.technorati.com which is basically a blog search engine (it was one of the first ones). Unlike regular search engines, searches can be focused to occur only within existing blogs and not company websites. On technorati, you can search by subject within blogs or within posts.

Another site is BlogPulse. Blog Pulse is a blog search engine and blog buzz tracking service developed by Nielsen BuzzMetrics that according to the site “applies machine-learning and natural-language processing techniques to discover trends in the highly dynamic world of blogs”.

On the blog roll page of this site, I’ve listed some of my favorite blogs (this is a continuously growing list) that may pique your interest. If not, check out the blog search engines above.

What advice would you give to people using blogs to search for information?

Some Recommended Books to Check Out:

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Keeping busy can definitely lead to a sharper and quicker mind. But what if being consistently busy is not getting you the results you want? What if you find that you can’t get everything you set out to do accomplished? Even if you do accomplish it, is it up the caliber you wish it to be? It’s really great to be involved in many great activities and organizations. But if you aren’t satisfied with the quality of the things you are delivering, it may be time to re-evaluate.

 Doing too many things at once can sometimes mean nothing gets done very well, and, all too often, it means nothing gets completed either.

We all have 24 hours in a day, 168 hours in a week. In that time, we need to find time to eat, sleep, and do the basic everyday chores we need to take care of. On top of that, most of us either have a job, go to school, or run a business. Now try to add socializing, volunteering at events, volunteering for a non-profit organization or two (or three or four). That’s when you realize that the 168 hours in a week is not always enough time to do what you want to do. Especially if you’re someone who, like me, likes to give good work. Whether we accept it or not, what a person does will be associated as part of that person’s brand. The same, unfortunately, can be said about what a person does not do. If a person doesn’t perform or deliver on what they say they are going to do, it leaves a negative impact on the brand of that person.

You will only be remembered in life for two things: The problems you solve or the ones you create.

How do you want to be remembered when you are no longer at an organization? No longer living in the town you live in now? When you are no longer socializing with the same people you socialize with now? Or when you simply moved on from this life? Do you want to be remembered as a person who helped to solve  a lot of problems or as a person who said they would but didn’t deliver and thus caused more problems than what existed prior to you getting involved?

There are many people, me included, who want to accomplish a great many things in life. In the process of doing that we may find ourselves getting involved in too many things. I say it may be too many things because if you’re getting involved in more things than you can handle, then you are guaranteeing that you won’t be giving the things you’re involved with your all. With that said, your inability to give it your all will undoubtedly lead to mental fatigue, and increased irritability. It’s also a key factor in many people being disorganized.

Signs that you may be taking on too many things:

1. You start missing required meetings because you did not have time to be at them.

2. You find it harder and harder to find time to spend with your spouse, or your children.

3. The list of things you commit to taking care of is growing faster than the list of things accomplished.

4. You begin to get tired easily each and every day.

5. You feel like nothing you do is appreciated or makes a difference.

6. A large part of your day is spent on tasks you find either mind-numbingly dull or overwhelming.

7. Every day seems to be a bad day.

Do you find that many of the above items, describes you perfectly? If so, it may be time to re-evaluate all the things you’re doing, all the items you’re committing to and determine what needs to change. As one of my mentors told me a while ago, “Taking a step backwards from time to time may take you a few steps forward.”

What are some of your thoughts on over committing?

Have you ever found yourself in that situation?

If so, what did you do to change it? 

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Keeping one’s word. It’s probably one of the easiest ways to build credibility and also one of the easiest ways to loose it. Keeping your word is also one of the simplest ways to show character and integrity. Why do I say that? Let me tell you what recently happened to me and how someone, unfortunately, tainted their character by doing something as simple as not keeping their word on more than one occasion.

The other day I was with someone who had introduced themselves to a colleague of mine and I at a function earlier in the year. His name was Robert and the function we met at was being hosted by an organization that I am a member of. I also help to run many of the organization’s functions and this particular function was no exception.  Near the end of the event Robert came up to my colleague and said he was also a member of the organization and that he wanted to help the organization out. He told my colleague that he had a great deal of experience in engineering and some IT (information technology) background. At that time is when my colleague brought him over to meet me. I help the organization out with operations management. Robert mentioned that he was very excited about what he learned at the event and about all the future events and functions the organization was preparing for. With that he asked if he could help us out. More specifically, in the operations and technology realm. I said that’s great to hear and we proceeded to talk about how and where he may be able to be of help.

We left it off with me scheduling an appointment for him to contact me within the next couples of days with an outline of the ideas he was asking my colleague and I about and how the organization may be able to implement them with his help. Robert said, “Yes, I will definitely give you a call tomorrow. If not, then the day after at the latest!”  After he left, my colleague told me that would be great to get his help and apply some of his expertise to some of the organization’s projects. I said, “Let’s see what he comes back with.” I said, “I am interested in following up with him on some of the ideas we were just discussing. They sound interesting and his expertise would be a benefit to the organization.” 

What I didn’t mention so quickly to my colleague is that I also wanted to see how reliable this person would be. After all I had just met the person that day at the event. Not meaning to sound negative or unappreciative, but a person’s character and integrity is extremely important for me. One of the most basic characteristics of character is the ability to keep their word. I hold my own personal standards for keeping my word and maintaining my character very high. It’s one of the reason’s many people trust me, I’ve been told, and I take that trust very seriously. When it comes to other people, I’ve seen a few too many times when a person “looks good” and “smells good” but are no good when it comes to their own character. All too often I’ve been disappointed in a person who says one thing and does another.

Strike One! (Keep Your Word!)

That scenario was almost two months ago and in that time, Robert never contacted me. Since that day at the function, he did not call once. He had my contact information and it was easy to find me due to my position with the organization that he himself was a member of. My name and contact information were on the front page of the organization’s website.

 “Honesty is making your words conform to reality. Integrity is making reality conform to your words.” - Stephen Covey

A week or ago Robert contacted me apologizing for the fact that he didn’t call when he said he was going to. He said he tried contacting but was having difficulty with my email and that it kept bouncing back on him. He asked if we could get together over lunch or coffee. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I mentioned that we can get together for coffee at “so and so” time, at “so and so” place, if he were up to it. I really wasn’t going out of my way to meet with Robert so I told him where I’d be when I’d be picking up my afternoon coffee.

Two Strikes! You’re Out!!

When the time came for me to get my afternoon cup of coffee, I went down to a corner cafe where I get my coffee and there was Robert. Once I got my coffee, Robert and I sat down at a table and proceeded to discuss the reason Robert was there. I was also sincerely pleased to see that he was there and willing to discuss what he wanted to discuss with me when we originally met.  He had a lot of questions about what he could do to help the organization. He proceeded to remind me of some of his skill sets and that he would be glad to use them for the benefit of the organization. After I finished my coffee, we decided to wrap things up and move onto the next step. I told him to call me Sunday evening after 7:30 PM. That is when I was reserving time with someone else to plan out some things for the organization. He appeared really excited to finally start working with me on ways to help the organization.

That was almost two weeks ago. The weekend came and went. Robert never contacted me that Sunday or the week after. As of the time of this article there is still no contact from Robert after he was so “gung-ho” to go and help the organization. My thought now of Robert is that I simply cannot trust him to keep his word. If he can’t keep his word on something as basic as contacting me when he says he will, why should I think any differently of him keeping his word with other things.

In an article titled “Keeping Word Never Goes Out of Style”, is one of the best definitions for keeping your word that I’ve come across:

Keeping your word = To honor any commitment you make to another person.

Keeping your word is basically the core of integrity. It’s essential to leadership and without it, there is no way a person can be an effective leader.

Why do I say that?

1. Integrity is required for trust. If people can’t trust your word, they won’t trust you.
2. Trust is necessary for influence. People choose those they let influence them, and this is based largely on trust.
3. Influence is essential for impact. You can’t make the impact you want to make as a leader unless you can influence others and shift their behavior.

Has anyone ever who told you one thing and did another? Probably on more than one occasion? How did that make you feel? What impression did that make you have of the other person?

Keeping your word can be difficult at times as well as expensive, and inconvenient. But make no mistake about it,  the cost of not doing so is even more expensive. It will ultimately cost you your leadership!

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It’s a question I find myself asking every now and then. Being a leader always comes with it added responsibility in some form or another. Added responsibility because everyone has things they are responsible for in their life. Whether it is their rent or mortgage, grocery bills, school homework, parenthood responsibilities, job responsibilities, you name it. We all have them in some mix. When a person is a leader, added responsibilities come about. With that added pressures, added stress, more hours most likely needed in order to get things done. So why would someone want to be a leader?

Is it a need to be important? Is it a need to be needed? Is it a need to be loved or desired? Is it a need to make a difference in something or for someone? Is it a need to have a reason for their own existence in the world?

Definitions of Leadership:

• a person who guides others toward a common goal, showing the way by example, and creating an environment in which other team members feel actively involved in the entire process. A leader is not the boss of the team but, instead, the person that is committed to carrying out the mission of the Venture. Below are some qualities a strong leader may possess.
• a person who rules or guides or inspires others
• a guiding or directing head, as of an army, movement, or political group.
• a person who goes before or with to show the way; conducts or escorts others

Looking back in my life, I’ve seen myself placed in various roles of leadership. Most of those times I didn’t want to be in the leadership role but I knew that if I didn’t do something, something I believed needed to be done, would not be done. That’s probably one of the strongest reasons a person takes on a leadership role. A person’s own beliefs and convictions cause them to see the importance of acting on them when they believe the time to do so is needed.

I don’t need to tell anyone who’s held a leadership position of any kind that the added pressures that usually find themselves with the role can at times get to them. After all, we are all only human (although some may beg to differ on that…but that is another separate subject of philosophy). We all have our weaknesses, but not all of us realize them, come to grips with them, or offset their negative impact. When the pressures of leadership causes a person to lose control of their emotions, and get angry or upset, it can derail whatever the person is attempting to do. One of my favorite books on leadership is Donald Phillip’s “Lincoln on Leadership”, in it the author states a fact that for leaders is sometimes too difficult to accept:

“The plain fact of the matter is that, for any person to successfully lead others, he or she must deal with the reality and be ready to accept the fact that leadership at times can bring out the worst in us. And understanding, as well as coming to grips with the darker side of your personality, is key to dealing with real-life situations.”

Contrary to what some may believe, Lincoln had a strong burning drive to achieve whatever goals he set his mind to achieve. It was an almost uncontrollable obsession for him and with that came a natural strong temper. As human beings that are meant to interact with others, leaders must accomplish the paradoxical task of managing their darker side. Lincoln had an interesting way of dealing with his “darker side”. What did he do? Whenever Lincoln found himself getting angry or upset at someone, he would write that person a very chiding letter outlining the audacity the other person had in doing whatever it was that upset him. He would lay out everything that was on his mind about that person at the moment within the letter. When he finished the letter, he proceeded to place it in an envelope for mailing. After he sealed the letter, he wrote on the back “Not sent”. He felt better for having released his negative feelings, but probably realized that chewing a person out would not serve any real purpose.

Some Paradoxical Words on Leadership

A number of years back, I came across a story that mentioned 10 paradoxical commandments of leadership. It wasn’t until years later that I discovered their origin.

Below are the “Paradoxical Commandments of Leadership” written by Kent M. Keith back in 1968 when he was a sophomore in college as part of a booklet (The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council) for high school student leaders.

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

(and one more)

The world is full of violence, injustice, starvation, disease, and environmental destruction.

Have faith anyway.

(The last one above is from Kent Keith’s book “Have Faith Anyway: The Vision of Habakkuk for Our Times”)

When I read them, I was really intrigued at how straight forward these “commandments” seemed to be. How powerful they were, and still are, when it came to pointing out the hard obvious trials that anyone who wishes to follow the path of leadership experiences. For me, they are powerful words that today help me remember there is a bigger reason to keep going. A bigger reason to be a good friend, a good brother, a good colleague, a good son, and a good leader. The bigger reason for me may not be the same as yours, but for me it is a reason that drives me none-the-less. Your reason may be a different one from mine, but as long as it drives you, it is a reason for you to have and move towards accomplishing your goals.

I’ve witnessed many people who’ve appeared to be great leaders and yet never saw themselves as a leader. At the same time, I’ve witnessed people who thought of themselves as a leader, but were really anything but (that is only one person’s opinion of course ).

Do you know of anyone who you would consider to be a good or even great leader? Why do you believe they are? If you see yourself wanting to be a leader, what has been your desire for leadership?

Some Great Books:

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