Do you ever find yourself talking to yourself? Either out loud or quietly in your mind? A lot of people associate talking to yourself as more than a little strange. Some even say that if you talk to yourself, you’re just a lonely person with no real friends and that you may need to seek psychiatric counseling. But I don’t agree with that. I don’t even agree with anyone who has really anything negative to say about talking to yourself. The reason being that anyone who has a healthy mind will find themselves talking to themselves more often than not. But what does that really say about a person?

It’s been discovered that talking to yourself is not only normal, but may in fact help a person to become a better problem solver as well as have a more enjoyable life.  The very tactic of talking to yourself has been seen by scientist to help people find solace amid life’s pain points whenever they occur.  Instead of calling it “talking to yourself”, I prefer calling it “Thinking Out Loud” because it is really much more accurate of a statement.  

One of the earlier studies that involved the significance of talking to yourself (or thinking out loud ) was done by Dr. Paul Horton, psychoanalyst and co-author of “The Solace Paradigm”. His study, which was done by surveying 160 adults between the ages of 22 and 78, showed that “being with someone” was ranked number one on the list of things people needed and wanted in order to feel solace. The very act of talking to yourself give people the feeling that they are not really alone in facing an issue. That same study showed “going for a walk” as tenth in ranking. Below is the full ranking from that study:

10 MOST POPULAR SOURCES OF SOLACE

1. Being with someone else.

2. Listening to music.

3. Watching TV.

4. Eating.

5. Reading.

6. Talking to oneself.

7. Prayer.

8. A special book, such as the Bible.

9. Recalling pleasant memories.

10. Going for a walk.

The study showed that private behaviors, such as talking to yourself, actually lifted people out of many states of depression. Dr. Horton, who was also a psychiatrist at Child Guidance Center in Meriden, CT when the study was conducted, said “psychoanalysis has focused too much on sexuality and aggression, but the ability to give solace to oneself is the basis of such major positive feelings as joy, awe, forgiveness, and generosity.” (New York Times article from February 4, 1988)

In another study published in Early Childhood Research Quarterly by Professor Adam Winsler, an associate professor of psychology at George Mason University, 5 year olds were noted to do better on motor tasks when they talk to themselves out loud than when they were silent.  The same study showed that 78% of children performed either the same or better on a routine task when talking to themselves than when they were silent.

So What Does It All Mean?

When I read these studies, I’m not really surprised. When I ask a question out loud, it sounds differently and registers differently in my mind than when I simply “think” the same question internally. Have you ever heard yourself asking a friend or colleague a question only to find out that you figured out the answer to your question once you finish asking it? Many times, the very act of saying it out loud is what causes the mind to think in a different way.

So when was the last time you talked to yourself?

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We all have a battery pack within us that helps to sustain our personal energy throughout each day. Nope, I’m not talking about the meal we have in the morning with that fresh cup of coffee or tea, although that is a part of the overall energy equation. I’m talking about the personal energy each one of us has when it comes to just going about the day. Either at work or at a baseball game or the sort, when our personal energy is charged, you feel good. You feel that you can do good work, enjoy game you’re watching, or keep up with a group conversation.  But when your personal energy is down, you find yourself getting easily irritated, your concentration becomes more difficult to maintain, your interest in doing something begins to be lacking.

Don’t worry, everyone feels drained sooner or later of their personal energy. The trick is that just like a rechargeable battery, we need to periodically recharge our own personal energy battery in order to be at our best. Below are a few ways to help you recharge your personal energy:

• Highlight the Positive — Create a list of activities that you enjoy most and which make you feel good. Make it a point to schedule at least one of the activities on the list into your life each week.
• Don’t Take Worries with You to Bed! — If you have trouble falling asleep because you’re thinking over the day’s events or your pondering about a new idea or a new concern of some sort , then stop. Put a pad of paper and a pen next to your bed. Whatever you’re worrying about before you go to sleep, just write it down. Feel free to do the same if you tend to wake up in the middle of the night. By writing it down, you won’t have to worry about forgetting it. This is a powerful way to calm your mind and get a better night’s sleep.
• Put into Practice Some Realistic Optimism — We can’t change what happens to us, but we definitely can make a choice as to how we respond. Challenge the story you’re telling yourself when something that makes you feel bad happens. Is there a more optimistic and empowering story you can tell yourself (and others) without denying the facts?
• Just Breath — Here’s a simple one, stop what you’re doing for a moment and just take one long, deep and slow breath. Take two if you want! By taking a long deep breath (breathing in through the nose, holding it in as long as you can while remaining comfortable, and breathing out through the mouth), we increase the oxygen levels in the blood, relax the mind/body and recharge our personal energy.  A little trick on this is to try it with your eyes closed.
• Take a Break and Take a Walk — Whenever the stress of the day is getting to you, and you notice yourself getting easily irritated, your personal energy battery is getting drained too low and it may be time to take a quick getaway.  Just stop what you are doing, take a breath (see above), and go for a walk outside. Don’t just walk around in the office, or near the location where you are currently being stressed out, just get away for 10 to 15 minutes. If it’s nice outside, go for a walk outside.
• Begin a Consistent Exercise Routine — Come on, you knew this little piece of advice was coming somewhere down the line .  The key word here is consistent. Exercising is one of the simplest ways to recharge your mind and spirit. Doing it consistently is half the effort. One doesn’t need to work out in a gym and perform a body building routine if they don’t want to. Something as simple as taking a 30 to 45 minute walk every morning will work.
• Turn off Email Once a Day — This is one that rings true to my own heart. I myself am guilty of multitasking with email. Looking at, sorting and responding to emails while I’m either on the phone or talking with someone. Believe it or not, this puts quite a drain on a person. A way to help avoid this is to turn off email for at least 60 to 90 minutes each day. During that time focus all your energy on a specific task at hand.
• Take More than One or Two Breaks Each Day — No matter what you do for work, no matter how important it is, you will do a better job on it if you take some quick breaks throughout the day. The ideal amount of time is every 90 minutes or so. Why? Because for most people, the natural rhythm their bodies go through occurs once every 90 minutes. Similar to sleep cycles that occur every 90 minutes while we’re asleep, our bodies continues with their cycles every 90 minutes throughout the day, moving between periods of high energy and low energy.
• Stay Away from Your Desk (and the Office) During Lunch — In addition to the periodic breaks throughout the day, taking time to eat your lunch is a very important time to help recharge your energy. By taking an extended break in the middle of the day to eat your lunch, preferably away from the office, you’ll be able to better handle the rest of the day.

Everyone periodically needs to recharge their personal energy. Not doing so, will result in increased stress, increased issues at work and at home as well as an eventual detriment to health. The above are not the only ways in which a person can re-charge their personal battery, but they are ones that have helped many individuals (including myself) recharge.

What are some ways you recharge your personal batteries?

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Keeping busy can definitely lead to a sharper and quicker mind. But what if being consistently busy is not getting you the results you want? What if you find that you can’t get everything you set out to do accomplished? Even if you do accomplish it, is it up the caliber you wish it to be? It’s really great to be involved in many great activities and organizations. But if you aren’t satisfied with the quality of the things you are delivering, it may be time to re-evaluate.

 Doing too many things at once can sometimes mean nothing gets done very well, and, all too often, it means nothing gets completed either.

We all have 24 hours in a day, 168 hours in a week. In that time, we need to find time to eat, sleep, and do the basic everyday chores we need to take care of. On top of that, most of us either have a job, go to school, or run a business. Now try to add socializing, volunteering at events, volunteering for a non-profit organization or two (or three or four). That’s when you realize that the 168 hours in a week is not always enough time to do what you want to do. Especially if you’re someone who, like me, likes to give good work. Whether we accept it or not, what a person does will be associated as part of that person’s brand. The same, unfortunately, can be said about what a person does not do. If a person doesn’t perform or deliver on what they say they are going to do, it leaves a negative impact on the brand of that person.

You will only be remembered in life for two things: The problems you solve or the ones you create.

How do you want to be remembered when you are no longer at an organization? No longer living in the town you live in now? When you are no longer socializing with the same people you socialize with now? Or when you simply moved on from this life? Do you want to be remembered as a person who helped to solve  a lot of problems or as a person who said they would but didn’t deliver and thus caused more problems than what existed prior to you getting involved?

There are many people, me included, who want to accomplish a great many things in life. In the process of doing that we may find ourselves getting involved in too many things. I say it may be too many things because if you’re getting involved in more things than you can handle, then you are guaranteeing that you won’t be giving the things you’re involved with your all. With that said, your inability to give it your all will undoubtedly lead to mental fatigue, and increased irritability. It’s also a key factor in many people being disorganized.

Signs that you may be taking on too many things:

1. You start missing required meetings because you did not have time to be at them.

2. You find it harder and harder to find time to spend with your spouse, or your children.

3. The list of things you commit to taking care of is growing faster than the list of things accomplished.

4. You begin to get tired easily each and every day.

5. You feel like nothing you do is appreciated or makes a difference.

6. A large part of your day is spent on tasks you find either mind-numbingly dull or overwhelming.

7. Every day seems to be a bad day.

Do you find that many of the above items, describes you perfectly? If so, it may be time to re-evaluate all the things you’re doing, all the items you’re committing to and determine what needs to change. As one of my mentors told me a while ago, “Taking a step backwards from time to time may take you a few steps forward.”

What are some of your thoughts on over committing?

Have you ever found yourself in that situation?

If so, what did you do to change it? 

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Last week I was fortunate enough to be a participant in a two day leadership retreat. I was one of among thirty or so regional leaders chosen for a year long training program where participants will be involved in the development of a community based project. The two day leadership retreat was the first time everyone involved in the year long training program would be getting together. When I found out that I was going to be one of the people chosen to go through the course, I was really happy and looking forward to being part of the group. That was back in November of last year.

As the time for the retreat come closer, I began to think about how the retreat would be handled by the staff organizing it. After all it was suppose to be the first in a series of learning workshops for the coming year and the tone of the first program in the process would most likely be the tone to expect in future trainings. For me, not knowing what to really expect caused a little bit of anxiety for me but at the same time I still was greatly looking forward to it.

The location of the two day retreat was just over an hour from where I live. People in the group had the option of going to the retreat center on a private coach rented by the organization holding the retreat, or to go by car. Since the organizers hinted that the retreat would actually be starting on the bus on the way over I chose to take the bus ride. I will say it was a fun bus ride, I got to learn about some of the people who were going on the retreat with me. Coincidentally, one person I got to know was actually someone I was communicating with via the social media world. Thomas Clifford is more known to many in the northeast as “Director Tom”. For those of you who don’t know him, check out his blog!

Once we all got to where we would be spending the next two days, we got to work on various team building, leadership development and personal self-awareness exercises. There was also plenty of instruction given on the various areas of leadership to complement the exercises. For me, some of the facilitation seemed to almost cross the line of sounding as though they were facilitating to grammar school children. Author’s personal note: I’m not the type of personality that takes very well to a learning environment where instructors sound as though they are speaking to grammar school children. But given the number of people that were there (two to three facilitators for thirty to forty participants) each with a distinct personality, it would be difficult for anyone’s teaching style to please or be taken well by everyone.

I Needed to Make a Choice

Being that I was chosen to participate in the group, and the year long leadership training that went along with it, I chose to keep one very important aspect…an open mind. That said, the next two days turned out to be very eye-opening to me. Why? Because I was able to get a much better understanding about others as well as myself. Not saying that it was some sort of religious experience necessarily, but I did learn a great deal more than I expected. Looking back now in retrospect, I would not have been able to get as much out of those two days or learn as much as I did if I didn’t choose to keep an open mind and listen to what others had to say. That alone taught me the most because how many things would I have missed or have go over my head if a decided to keep a closed mind (remember I mentioned earlier that I was interpreting the teaching style of some of the facilitators as “grammar school teaching style” like).

Do you remember a time when you decided to keep your mind closed when someone was telling you something you didn’t agree with or believe? Was it possible that you missed an important lesson in the process? Do you remember a time when you chose to keep an open mind when someone was telling you something you didn’t believe or agree with?  I guess it can be more comforting to think YOUR way is the only right way…they say ignorance is bliss. But at what cost?

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We all have stories to share. Some people have good stories, others have bad ones, but all of them are stories that talk about a person’s life and what they have learned in the process. You may find yourself in the future (if you haven’t already) learning about a personal struggle a close friend of yours is going through. You may find yourself looking at your life in a different way after learning about your friends struggle. I thought it was important for me to share with my readers what a friend of mine told me she was going through for the past year. In actuality she was going through it for most of her life. She just didn’t know it. Her story made me reflect a little on my own life.

A Friend Confided In Me

Recently a friend of mine, Linda, opened up to me about an issue she’s been facing for a long time. She told me last year she was diagnosed with a condition called “double depression”. “I’ve never heard of double depression before.” I told her.  Linda confided in me that she never had heard of it either, but that once she was diagnosed with it she felt both scared and a little bit puzzled. She had never thought anything was mentally wrong with her until a couple of doctors diagnosed her with this condition (she had gotten a second opinion to be sure). When Linda told me this, I was puzzled.

I asked her that if she thought there was nothing wrong, why she went to a doctor. On top of that why choose to go to a psychiatrist of all kinds of doctors to go to. She told me her husband John, after a few years of marriage, had asked her to check with a psychiatrist just to make sure nothing was potentially wrong.  She continued to say that John noticed that she was, over the past year or two, becoming easily aggravated with things and that she appeared to not enjoy much of anything as much as she used to.

John and Linda had known each other for a long time. Having met in college, they were friends (dating other people at the time they met). They hung out in groups with their then significant others and then later on started dating. One thing led to another and they found themselves in love and decided to get married. I have known both John and Linda since college as well and they’ve always had a great relationship. Linda mentioned that their relationship was still strong, but John was just concerned and wanted to be sure. Well, Linda told me that she and John went to a regional teaching hospital that had a reputation for having a very good psychology department. John went with her the first time, she said because she was nervous and a little anxious about visiting a psychiatrist for the first time. She told me that through her teenage years, she had been going to a counselor for what she called bouts of “the blues” that looking back she thought was simply teenage mood swings. The only thing different was that her down moods were much more prevalent and prolonged than the times she felt she wasn’t down. The down moods would last at least a week to even three weeks without letting up

A Diagnosis I’ve Never Heard Of

“The doctor I met with wanted to know everything about the bouts of ‘the blues’ I would have.” Linda told me. “How long they would last, how long the period between being down and how low I would get in comparison to when I felt normal.” She then told me that the doctor had some suspicions but didn’t want to give any diagnosis until he was sure. After a series of more questioning, the doctor told Linda that he believed she suffered from what is called “Double Depression”. Linda asked why. What the doctor told her became like a lightening strike to her she said. During the examination, the doctor (and Linda) discovered that during the times when she felt OK and not down or depressed, she wasn’t exactly happy at all. She felt just “emotionally comfortable”. She never felt better than that. All her life, long as she could remember, she never felt any happier than that. In fact, it turned out she never experienced what it was like to be happy at all. John asked the doctor how that could be. So many times he had witnessed Linda being happy. He then mentioned as few examples where he saw Linda being happy. Always smiling and enjoying herself. Linda then confided in John that she never felt anything more than emotionally comfortable. At time it would simply be emotionally numb. She didn’t want people to be uncomfortable around her so she would always put on a smile and laugh some in order to be in the norm of the moment.  She thought everyone felt that way and that it was normal.

John and Linda decided to get a second opinion with another doctor at a different practice and discovered the second doctor and his office partner giving the same diagnosis of double depression. “This was such an eye opener to me.” Linda told me. “All my life I remember feeling emotionally OK as what I would be feeling whenever I wasn’t sad or depressed. When I was depressed, it would be like that for a couple of days or up to a week. When I was feeling OK it would be for a couple of days. I thought everyone felt that way and that it was simply ‘Yeah, life is hard so get over it and live on’ type of attitude everyone experienced.” All the times in Linda’s life when she wasn’t feeling OK she would just put on a content face and live day to day. When she was feeling OK was when she would put on a smile. To me this sounded strange at first but looking at it from her perspective I understood her reasoning. Growing up we all get accustomed to the apparent norms in life. The way others act around situations, the way people behave on a day to day basis and the way we ourselves fit into the entire life equation.

As I heard Linda telling me all this, I found myself appreciating my own life a little more. I knew how it felt to be happy. I never felt just OK or emotionally numb when I was “feeling my best”. Linda on the other hand never experienced that all her life.

Linda then asked, “Have you noticed if I seemed more relaxed or a little different the past 6 months?” I had to admit that my girlfriend and I had commented on more that one occasion on how Linda seemed to have changed recently. She seemed to be enjoying things more and have even become a little more outgoing than we were use to seeing. All good things we thought. “The person who has seen the most change was John. He seems to be much happier in our relationship. Not that he wasn’t happy before.” Linda mentioned. “It’s just that John was concerned there was more to it and he wanted to be sure.”

“So what causes double-depression?” I asked and Linda said that the doctors aren’t quite sure what causes it. What they do know is that many people have made great improvements with the use of some medications. “I was nervous at first. Not knowing what the medications would be doing to me.” Linda said.  The only experience she had with these types of situations was what she saw in many movies and television shows (shows where people in psychiatric wards of clinics and hospitals acted all strange while being on medications for mental conditions). The doctor told her that many times the reason for depression is a chemical imbalance that may exist in the body and that certain medications may help the body better regulate itself. With that said she said she decided to give it a try with the medication and have the doctors keep tabs on her with periodic check up to see how things are going. Many of the medications that help the body regulate the chemicals it naturally produces can and will most likely take a few weeks for a person to notice any difference.

After a month of starting the new medication, she noticed a little bit of a change. The one who noticed the most was her husband John. She wasn’t as snappy at him or others, and she seemed to be enjoying her time more was what John told her. As time went on (weeks/then months) her whole family noticed the change. A change for the better she said. She was calmer and not as quick to pre-judge people or give a snappy opinionated sounding remark on something she didn’t agree with. “There was one other thing,” Linda told me, “I started to feel a strange feeling. I never felt this feeling before and so it was making me a little nervous and at times scared. The funny thing I came to realize is that the feeling I was now feeling was happiness.” Linda had never really experienced the emotion of happiness in her life. “It was such an alien feeling to me. I was more than comfortable. I felt as though I was enjoying the day more. The time I was having just walking from one point to another. After work, I’d be walking to my car a few blocks away and I remember feeling good. Almost too good I thought. That is what got me scared a little. Meeting with my doctor, and discussing it with my husband, is when I realized the emotion was happiness.” Linda told me. “I found myself looking out the window of the building I work in or sitting at home looking at pictures I had on my wall of family and friends and thinking ‘I really am grateful to have such a loving family and many good friends.’ ”

An Interesting Epiphany Came My Way

As I was hearing all this, it made me wonder how many other people out there take happiness for granted. Hearing Linda tell me all this made me look a little bit at myself. Have I ever fully appreciated the friends and family that I have? Have I ever appreciated the life that I was leading? Linda was already in her early thirties and it wasn’t until then that she, for the first time in her life, experienced the feeling of happiness. Once she did, it made her truly appreciate the things she had. How fascinating that it was this new experience in joy that opened up a new world for her.  I couldn’t even being to imagine how it would be to not be able to know what happiness was. Linda then said, “One of the reasons I’m letting you know about what I was going through is because you’re one of my close friends and we’ve known each other a long time. Also, since having this new experience, I wanted to share with friends and family how important our lives are and how grateful I am for sharing my life with them. After experiencing happiness for the first time in my life, I found that life was meant to be enjoyed. No longer was I emotionally numb and just moving through life doing what I needed to do at work and at home. Now I was actually seeing the joys and opportunities life gives us everyday.”

Wow, that message was a strong one for me. I know that life is too short and meant to be enjoyed everyday, but I did not and could not place myself into the experience that Linda was feeling now since her initial diagnosis and treatment. I guess we all really can appreciate the joys and opportunities we have in life as long as we think about how it would be without them. How it would be without a family. How it would be without friends. How it would without the ability to drive, or the ability to walk, or the ability to see or hear. These are things many of us take for granted. But every so often, it’s good to stop for a moment and reflect a little on the things we have and how our life might be different if we didn’t have them. Linda’s experience helped me to start periodically reflect on this. I now set up a little bit of time every couple of days or so (like after work or in the morning) to reflect on the things I have and the people in my life.

Have you ever reflected on the things in your life that you were grateful to have? Have you ever truly appreciated your family? Have you ever really appreciated your friends? What are some of your thoughts on the above story. Do you have any stories in your life that caused you to reflect?

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At a recent conference, a series of seminars were being given on the subject of Emotional Intelligence or EQ (a.k.a  EI). I’ve been to many such seminars and so have many of my friends and colleagues. What I find puzzling though is how many people say they know all about emotional intelligence and yet their acts show that they probably haven’t got a clue of what it is and the way it can be used.

EQ is not simply about reading and understanding other people. One of the main points of emotional intelligence is reading and understanding ourselves and what makes up our own personal emotions (both from a physical as well as a mental perspective). Having an understanding of only one side of EQ defeats many of the purposes for it. One of the main purposes of emotional intelligence is to aid the development of our emotional literacy and self-knowledge in order to produce socially acceptable objectives and satisfy individual self-actualization needs.

It’s all about understanding yourself and the way other people react to you, and then using this knowledge to better foster relationships.

When I read the book “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ” by Dr. Daniel Goleman, I learned how as human beings we are physically wired to have our emotions take over our reasoning capability. Without going into the specific details of the human brain, let’s just say that it takes half the time for signals received from our eyes and ears to reach the emotional controlling part of the brain then it does for the same signals to reach our reasoning/thinking part of the brain. The reason for this is believed to have come from the need to survive in the early part of human existence. When a person received signals of imminent danger in the area (being surprised by a lion as you are walking across a field in Africa), the emotional part of the brain would receive the signal first so that the body can react as fast as possible (run!). If the person were to think about it first, they would most likely run out of time and end up as the lion’s next meal.

Today, there may not be lions around the corner that we have to be careful about, but the wiring of the human brain hasn’t changed. The emotional portion of our brains still receives the signals from the eyes and ears in half the time it takes for the same signal to reach the intellectual/thinking portion of our brain.

So what does that mean to us in today’s world?

Well for starters, when we deal with the everyday situations in our lives, we are wired to act emotionally first rather than to act according to our intellect. This means that, the next time someone cuts in front of you in line at the supermarket, or the next time a car cuts you off on the road, your natural tendency will be to react with your emotions. Often, that reaction for some only makes things worst. In the world of EQ, this is what’s called “Emotional Hijacking.” Emotional hijacking is a sudden unleashing of rage towards another person. It is an extreme emotional outburst or an emotional explosion caused by an incident that may trigger anger or fear in an individual. Many car accidents have been caused by people who got angry at someone while they were behind the wheel of a car. Can you think of other situations where an emotional hijacking might have been the cause of an unfortunate result?

The same thing happens at work, or at social gatherings.  When we hear a person say something we really don’t agree with, the first instinct for many of us is to get a little upset and respond quickly with some sort of counter opinion. This reaction can be even quicker if the subject being discussed in near and dear to our heart. According to a number of researches, the person’s success at work is 80% dependent on emotional intelligence. If a person is looking to become a leader in there chosen career or social network, EQ is the foundation of leadership.

Have you ever said anything to someone that you wish you could take back quickly?

For many of us, the answer to the above question is a strong YES!  I’ve been guilty of that on a number of occasions. Friendships have been strained, families have been split up (some for generations), and wars have even been fought due to people reacting too quickly with their emotions.

So the next time someone says something that you don’t agree with, and you find yourself getting upset and wanting to verbally cut them off by responding quickly, understand that it may be your emotions beginning to take over your reasoning leading you to say something you may regret.

Do you know of someone who would benefit from having a better understanding of Emotional Intelligence?

Do you have some opinions about Emotional Intelligence? Share them with the rest of us! We’d love to know them!

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It’s amazing how time can be on your side one moment, and then acting against you the next. Recently, I found myself almost running out of time for quite a few of my responsibilities not to mention responsibilities to myself. For me, the last few weeks have simply been an avalanche of things, both at work and in my personal life. During all this, I found myself thinking everyone has the same 168 hours in a week. So how do some people handle so much while others can barely handle keeping up with just a few things?

After finding myself not having as much time as I believed I needed, I decided to re-examine the ways I use to find time in the past. The funny thing is that no matter how good you are at managing time, every now and then a person needs to revisit the process for time management and be reminded of how to make better use of time.

Below is a story I learned a long time ago from a workshop on time management. Since the workshop, I’ve heard it repeated many times in different scenarios and in different formats. Regardless of how the story specifics go, the overall message of the story was the same. I’d love to give full credit to the author of the story. But since I’m not sure who the author of the story was or how the original story went, I’m repeating the version I first heard in an effort to help illustrate one of the most important points of time management:

Is My Jar Full or Not?

One day a business school teacher was speaking to a group of students in one of her classes and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget. As she stood in front of the class she said, “Okay, time for a quiz.” Then she pulled out a one-gallon Mason jar and set it on the table in front of her. Then she produced about a dozen large rocks about the size of her fist and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, she asked, “Is this jar full?”

Everyone in her class said, “Yes.”

Then she said, “Oh really?” She then reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. She dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the space between the large rocks. Then she asked the group once more, “Is the jar full?” By this time the class was on to her. “Probably not,” one of them answered.

“Good!” she replied. She reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. She then started dumping the sand into the jar and it went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more she asked the question, “Is this jar full now?” “No!” the class shouted.

Once again she said, “Good.” Then she grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then she looked at the class and asked, “What is the point of this illustration?”

One person raised his hand and said, “The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it!”

“No,” the teacher replied, “that’s not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don’t put the large rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.”

Find Time for the Large Rocks that Make Up Your Life

Finding time for the large rocks or simply the things most important for you first depends on examining what is important in your life. What are the ‘large rocks’ in your life? Are the large rocks:

Your loved ones?

Your children?

Your education?

Some worthy cause?

Your dreams?

Your spouse or significant other?

Doing things that you love?

Your health?

Having time for yourself?

Remember to put the LARGE ROCKS in first or you’ll never get everything in at all.

If you sweat the small stuff (the gravel, the sand in the story) then you’ll fill your life with little things you’ll worry about that really don’t matter, and you’ll never have the real time you need to spend on the big stuff (the large rocks).

Make a list of the things you definitely want to accomplish — For those who’ve gone to time management seminars and/or have taken classes on the subject, I’m sure you’re heard this time and time again. Even so, how many times have you found yourself intending to create a list of the things you want to do, but failed to do so?  Or even worst, creating a list but then, have days where you forget to look at it? One day passes, and then another, and then another. Sometimes you may be in the middle of something and you remember your list only to say “I’ll look at it when I’m finished or when I’m not as busy as I am now”. Doing that will sooner or later render the list created ineffective in helping you to accomplish the things you want to accomplish.

Make sure you review your list everyday, preferably at the same time each day. I find that doing this as part of the morning routine in the easiest. By reviewing your list each day at the same time, you make it a habit to review your list.

When You Make Your List, Pick the Top Three Things to Accomplish – Many people when they create a list of things to do, they still get overwhelmed at the things they intend to do.  There’s an old saying that says, “How do you eat an elephant? You do it one bite at a time.” This concept is similar to the concept of large rocks in the earlier story. What are your large rocks?

Keep Your List in a Place Where You Can Easily Find It — If you create a list, it’s easier to review it if you keep it in a place where you can easily find it every day. What good is a list of things to accomplish if you are not able to easily find it?

Learn to Say “No” — I myself am quite guilty of doing this on many occasions.  I’m the type of person that by nature wants to get as much accomplished as possible. The irony is that the more a person has going on, the more chance they’ll not be able to accomplish everything to the level of satisfaction they set for the task. That’s of course assuming they’re able to finish everything they’re personally responsible for. Who said you have to say “Yes” to everything that is asked of you?

Have a Pad and Pencil/Pen Next to the Bed — One thing that has helped me is to have a pad and pen on the nightstand next to my bed. Reason being is that I find I remember many of the things that I’d like to do or plan to do as I lie down relaxing just before I go to sleep. Having a pad and pen next to the bed has helped me to get a much better night’s sleep. Why? Because as soon as I remember something I’d like to do the next day, I write it down on the pad.  The beauty of this is that I don’t have to worry about remembering it the next morning. I can go to sleep without the worry that I’ll forget.

Block Out Time Each Day for Yourself to Catch Up — If you use a personal information manager such as Outlook or Google Calendar, make sure you block out half an hour to an hour each day for you to catch up on things. Once you do so, make sure you keep this appointment everyday. This has been one of the most valuable lessons I learned early on in my career from one of my mentors. Having that time each day, allows me to either catch up on things, or re-examine how my day is going. Sometimes I use this time to re-evaluate my list of things that I want to accomplish and if needed, re-prioritize.

Make Sure Your List of Things to Accomplish contains Fun Things to Do As Well – Having fun things to do on your list is just as important as having things you feel are not as much fun. Sometimes, having a list of fun things to do can make life much more enjoyable.  Making time for you is not selfish but just as important as everything else. If you do not find time for yourself every so often, you will find yourself getting time-starved. You’ll start feeling tired, and over-extended and believe me that others will notice.  Scheduling time for rest and relaxation will help to give you energy to do the things you need to do.

Note: If you’re in a relationship, make sure you plan time into your schedule to spend it with your significant other. This will help ensure a successful relationship.

How Do You Find Time?

The ideas I’ve mentioned above are just some ideas to help manage time a little bit better.  These are not the only methods for finding time for things, they are simply a handful of the many ways a person can create time for themselves.

What are some of the ways you find and make time for yourself and for the things you want to accomplish? Why not share them with others below?

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One of my favorite personal realizations is that life is too short not to enjoy it. Don’t get me wrong, I have my difficult and challenging days from time to time (sometimes more than expected and/or wanted). With that said, I figured one very quick and simple way a person can enjoy life is by finding something funny and having a good laugh.

Did You Know Laughter:

Is a great team builder and social equalizer – When we laugh with a group, social/class/cultural/racial barriers to communication are quickly overcome and a mutual feeling of trust develops within the group. Laughing is contagious (just think of the laugh tracks of television situation comedies).

People who laugh often have a tendency to be more popular and are likely to have a greater impact on group decisions. Research shows that when we laugh, we tend to talk more, make more eye contact and do more of the things that help us connect with others. Laughter also lessens tension.

It’s hard to feel angry, tense or anxious when you’re laughing.

Interestingly enough, regardless of the culture, laughter sounds the same. This has lead some researchers to believe laughter helped our ancestors bond. In fact, the sound of laughter is so common and familiar that it can be recognized if played backwards on tape.

Is Aerobic – it increases the oxygen intake of your body and also gives your diaphragm a good workout. Hearty laughter massages our major organs (scientists call it ‘internal jogging’) and boosts circulation in our lymphatic system,

Varies with age – Children who are six years of age laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults laugh an average of 15 times a day.

Lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system – The levels of two stress hormones, epinephrine and cortical which suppress the body’s immune system, actually drop after a dose of laughter. Laughing also helps us breathe more deeply, increases our heart rate, and stretches many different muscles in our face and upper body and helps our muscles to relax.

According to a study by Dr. Lee Berk and Dr. Stanley Tan of Loma Linda University in California

• Eustress or “good stress” is created by laughter
• Laughter increased the natural killer cells that attack viruses along with some types of cancer and tumor cells.

Is an inexpensive medicine – sustained laughter has been shown to stimulate an increased rate of endorphins, the body’s natural morphine. It also helps to normalize our digestive system and may help resolve to stress-related constipation, diarrhea, gas and even ulcers. Laughter has also been shown to regulate our sleep system and can help to overcome many sleep disorders.

Balances the brain – During normal beta activity, the left and right sides of your brain look different under a PET (positron emission tomography) scan. When you laugh, both sides look almost identical.

Here are some other interesting facts about laughing:

• People laugh at jokes and funny movies; however, 80% of our laughter occurs during everyday comments in everyday social situations.
• We used to laugh 20 minutes out of every day in the 1950’s.  Now we laugh for 6 minutes out of every day. What’s changed between now and then?
• A daily laughter workout of 15 minutes can burn 40 calories and melt away 4 pounds over the course of a year.

A Few Good Ideas for Finding a Way to Have a Laugh

• Find funny clips on YouTube. Many times I overhear family members and friend talking about a funny clip they’ve seen or heard of on YouTube.
• Watch a comedy movie.
• Check out some late night talk show such as Jay Leno, or Conan O’Brian.
• Watch a comedy on television. Many of the half hour situation comedies (sitcoms) are great for a quick laugh. Most often many within a half hour period.
• Go to a comedy club. Some of the best laughs I’ve ever had have come from being in a large crowd listening to stand up comics talk about a particular event. Since laughter is contagious and is enjoyed more when done in a group, the positive energy in the room that manifests itself when everyone is laughing hard is big.
• Work on becoming friends with people who are happy/funny people. I can almost guarantee you that when you become friends with a people who are funny and happy, they will every so often have you laughing at one thing or another.
• Checkout the comics in the local newspaper or subscribe to a daily or weekly online comic strip.

Again, I say life is just way too short not to enjoy it so why not choose to do so?

When was the last time you had a good laugh?

What are ways do you believe are good for helping a person get a good laugh? If you know of one, why not share it in the comments section below?

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At the request of many who wrote to me about my “Re-Branding Yourself” post I’ve written a continuation on the subject of “Branding/Re-Branding”. Thanks for all the emails and comments received!

Radio City Music Hall was packed to capacity with many of the entertainment industry’s elite and television crews were ensuring that 27 million people were able to watch live. The show was not even an hour old when WOW, what a shock! The people in attendance and watching on TV the 2009 Video Music Awards (VMAs) witnessed Kanye West interrupt Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech for Best Female Video to basically say that another artist nominated for the same award should have won. Do you think Kanye West’s brand was affected by what he did? You better believe that it was.

The branding process for a person, including myself, is a never ending, ongoing process that a person needs to be aware of. Why? Because everything we do and say, and everything we don’t do and say, affects our personal brand. (Author’s Note: There’s no need to be paranoid, just be aware of it.  )

Taking a look at what a brand is, here are some definitions for “brand” that I found online:

According to Bizzia.com:

• Intangible asset similar to your reputation:
• Generated through a consistent message of that reputation communicated through advertising, customer service , community relations, consumer experience/word-of-mouth, etc.,
• And thereby creating awareness of that reputation among consumers

According to BusinessDictionary.com:

• Entire process involved in creating a unique name and image for a product (good or service) in the consumers’ mind, through advertising campaigns with a consistent theme. Branding aims to establish a significant and differentiated presence in the market that attracts and retains loyal customers.

What is Your Brand?

Brands enable companies to differentiate themselves:  How do you differentiate yourself from your competitors?

A personal brand needs an outlet in order to showcase a product or service: What are you doing to showcase who you are and why someone should work with or be associated with you?

A brand shows the vision of the enterprise: What is your vision and your long term plan to achieve it?

“Every human being is a brand, the way you socialize, who you know, what you say.”

– Jerry Seinfeld

I recently wrote a brief article called “Re-Branding Yourself”. I’ve received many great comments on the article, both from people visiting my blog as well as from friends and colleagues on social networking and professional association sites and I am truly grateful. One group of comments that had valuable insights to the topics of Branding and Re-Branding came from the LinkedIn group “Harvard Business Review”. With permission, I’m sharing some of these comments below.

“We are all part of a business community of some sort, just as products are part of an industry. One must renew and update their brand or lose market share (branding). When I was a child — now I am really dating myself — we referred to athletic shoes as KEDs, copiers as Xerox machines and hot tubs as Jacuzzis. These products were branded. They lost market share. Why? Did they think that once they reached the top, they would stay there?

LOL One needs to stay current, educated in their field and become an adventurous and innovative leader. I had a company motto that assisted in my branding, “Do it first. Do it right. Do it now.” The phrase that followed me in my community was, “She gets things done.”

Is there a phrase that is used in describing you in your workplace? Is it the same as the vision that you have for yourself?”

- Jacalyn Smith, Executive Vice Chairman / President of BCI

“Branding is a perception. For brand to last long, it must have something inside that lifts it up just like air inside the balloon and something that draws your attention just like the colour on the outside of the balloon. You must maintain the air level (generic value) within and adjust your colors outside as viewers like (brand renovation).”

-Prakash Dudhat, Experienced Administrator in Education Consultancy.

“There are many reasons executives take a hard look at their personal brands. I am working with an exec out of California who is (truly) a leader in his field. His name and picture have been plastered across notable business publications. Now he wants to shift his focus.

How can he do this so that it is credible and genuine, without seeming fleeting? This is personal branding, too. As long as the motivation and marketing is based in authenticity, it can be done effectively. Another example: One of my clients on the East Coast has built a very visible reputation as the CEO of a leader in their sector. However, if you ask people what he stands for, few can articulate his values, his passions, his mission. They all know him as “a great guy” who leads a successful company. This also indicates the need to grow his personal brand.

Personal Branding is the practice of developing and marketing your reputation. Since perception is formed on behavior, we have to start with actions. Then, we look at all the ways your brand comes to life — through your brand character, personality, posturing, relationships, etc.

Feedback is critical as we can often think we’re perceived differently than others see us. This isn’t always bad! Often times, when I work with clients on the feedback portion of our process, we uncover brand gems that reveal opportunity we couldn’t have foreseen. Feedback is always a gift — it reveals opportunity to make progress towards our desired brand.”

-Lida Citroen, Owner and Principal of LIDA360, LLC

“For famous brands like Mercedes or McDonalds, it is easy to make surveys to know what the customers think of your products and services.

How do you test your personal brand if you are a small business owner?

If you ask only people who know you in your network you miss the general impression you give by responding to conversations, by making bogs and websites. There is one tool, www.onlineidcalculator.com that gives an idea of your presence on the web but it is not qualitative.

I would like to emphasis that building your personal brand is not only for small business owners or people who have been laid off and looking for a job. Start building now before you need it.

How do you influence the way people perceive you on the internet?

1 — What you do and say on the web will stay forever, so make professional comments. Be aware of your language, and jokes: ask yourself if it is compatible with the image you want to project?

2 — Start to use tools in LinkedIn: participate in groups, ask and answer questions that position you as an expert. Build your reputation in your field. Use Slideshare, polls and blogs on your home page. Use the social media that reflects your potential client or employer interests.

3 — Make a professional blog, with Blogger it is very easy. You can also join a Yahoo group or create one. Put links on your web site from expert blogs and websites to gain credibility.

4 — Volunteer to make events such as presentations and trainings to your local industry chapters or your potential clients association. This will be mentioned by others than you. It is always better to be referred by word of mouth.”

-Anne Egros, Owner, International Business Coach at Zest & Zen International LLC

Some Great Articles and Online Resources

“The Return of the Personal Brand” by Gill Corkindale

“11 Ways to Build Your Personal Brand” by Gill Corkinda

“Personal Branding 101: How to Discover and Create Your Brand” by Dan Schawbel

“Personal Branding Becomes a Necessity in Digital Age” by Mark Glaser

“4 Steps to Personal Branding Success” by Dan Schawbel

“The Brand Called You” by Tom Peters

“Building your Personal Brand” by Kevin Liebl

“Me Incorporated, Your Own Magnetic Brand” by Randall Frost

The Personal Branding Blog

A Branding Glossary

Personal Branding & Career Self-Marketing Tools for Job-Seekers and Career Activists

Personal Branding: Strengths Assessment Tool

10 Best of Personal Branding Strategies, Lessons, and News

What is personal branding and why is it so important?

You Brand, Inc.

Some Online Tools That Can Be Used for Monitoring a Personal Brand

Google Alerts

BackType

Blogpulse

Socialmention

Boardreader

BoardTracker

YackTrack

FriendFeed

What are some of your favorite online tools, books and articles on personal branding?

How do you see yourself?

How do you want others to see you?

How do you want others to think of you or the unique services your provide?

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I was recently at a great networking and professional development event in downtown Hartford, CT. Nope, not the “getMotivated tour” with Colin Powell, Steve Forbes and others (even though I heard that was a great event in itself), but another one a day later organized by a few local professional organizations.  The main keynote speaker gave a presentation about “Re-Branding Yourself: How Do You Rebrand Yourself in this Current Business Environment?” and it made me think about how many people today don’t realize the importance of how their brand is seen.

If you don’t know or aren’t aware of what I’m talking about, a brand is how another person or organization sees you and the services you provide (or don’t provide). Your “personal brand” is key to the success of whatever you wish to do with your life. How do you differentiate yourself from your competitors?

Don’t kid yourself into thinking that you don’t have a brand ‘cause we all have one!

According to William Aruda, author of an excellent book on personal branding called Career Distinction, a brand is a “unique promise of value”.

Recently, I witnessed a person introducing someone else at a business function by saying, “John, this is Lisa Smith. She’s our marketing analyst.” What was interesting is that later at the same function I had a chance to have a conversation with Lisa and what I realized is that she didn’t think of herself simply as a marketing analyst and she shouldn’t. During the course of our conversation, I discovered that she was a lot more than a marketing analyst. In fact, she had experience running her own marketing company as well as organizing and running marketing campaigns for multiple clients. That’s more than a marketing analyst usually does.

The reason I share the above story is that Lisa allowed someone else to create her brand. Whether we’d like to admit it or not, first impressions are important. So regardless of how Lisa perceives herself, she has been branded as a marketing analyst in the minds of the person who introduced her and those she was introduced to. The good news is that although Lisa was branded by someone else, she has the option to re-brand herself! Have you ever found yourself in a similar scenario where someone introduces you with a title you did not necessarily expect or want?

If you don’t purposefully create your own brand, others will create your brand for you.

Here are some questions to ask yourself in order to gauge how your brand is being perceived:

• How do people see you when they think about you?
• What is the first thing that comes into a person’s mind when they see your picture?
• What is the first thing that comes into a person’s mind when they meet you?
• What image do people perceive when they hear your name mentioned? Is it negative or positive?

For myself, the above questions help me gauge how my personal brand is seen by others. I’m always looking for ways to improve my own personal brand so I actually pose the above questions to people I know and trust. If you want to know how your brand is seen, ask someone that you trust to tell you what is the first thing that comes to mind when they see you (this doesn’t have to be only someone in your network. For this exercise, someone you trust to give you a sincere and honest opinion may be someone you do not even know. You want sincere feedback about how your brand is seen). If it’s something you did not expect or did not want to hear, then it may be time to start re-branding yourself.

Some Great Examples of Branding

Successful individuals formulate a strategic intent and execute to that intent for market success. Whether your business is in providing a product or service or whether it’s being seen as an expert in a particular nitch.

What comes to mind when you see the pictures below?

For each of the individuals above, what ever comes to mind, you can be sure that the same thing comes to the mind for a large portion of the population in the North America. Why? Because these people have purposefully created their own personal brand and regardless of what your opinion is of them, there image automatically brings their product or service to mind.  That’s the power of a strong personal brand!

What does your personal brand tell others about what you do?

What does your personal brand tell others about what you can provide? What do you want your personal brand to say?

Any ideas on how someone can improve or change their personal brand? What are your thoughts?

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