Eye contact says: You’re the only person I’m listening to right now. It is the most overlooked aspect of body language and is easy to forget when you are trying to handle multiple things at once while talking to someone. Looking down or away from them can come off as aloof, especially if the person is telling you about something important or trying to get your attention. Eye contact also says you are comfortable in your own skin. That you are confident and that you are honest.

With eye contact, you want to try and do it with a person as you are speaking and while they are speaking. No need to stare at them of course or they might feel awkward. Just keeping a delicate balance between eye contact and no eye contact can make a world of difference.

The Great Communicator

President Ronald Reagan was known to many as “The Great Communicator”. Many attribute his political success with his ability not just to speak to the American people, but to communicate with them. While he was often given a hard time for his lack of detail, he was able to take things that a public may not understand otherwise and simplify it down to a way that all could understand, including solutions to the issues such as the Cold War. Entire books have been written on Reagan’s ability to communicate, but his reputation as The Great Communicator boils down to three basic traits: he was clear; he was simple; and he was sincere. Being simple and clear is easy for most people to understand and become better at it with practice. The magic ingredient here is being sincere.  How can a person practice being sincere? Let alone communicate with sincerity?  One of the basic parts of communicating with sincerity is making and keeping eye contact.

I’ve been fortunate enough to know a few people who have spoken with Ronald Reagan on a number of occasions, and they all told me of one common characteristic that Reagan had while they spoke with him. They could tell that they were speaking “with him” rather than “to him.” So what do I mean by that? They all told me that when they spoke with Ronald Reagan, it was as if it was only you and him in the room and no one else. Ronald Reagan never took his eyes off the person speaking with him. It wasn’t a blank or cold stare but more so a person sincerely interested in hearing what they had to say at that moment.

Other Great Communicators

So was this trait of eye contact copied by other American presidents? An acquaintance of mine by the name of Charles Garcia was a White House Fellow during the Bill Clinton administration. Charles Garcia is also the author of “A Message from Garcia” and “White House Fellows: Learn How to Inspire Others, Achieve Greatness, and Find Success in Any Organization”. During one conversation with him, he told me how every time he had a chance to speak with President Clinton, he was made to feel as though he and the president were the only people in the room at the moment of the conversation. When I asked him how he did that, Charles mentioned that no matter what else was happening in the room, President Clinton never took his eyes off of him during the conversation. Even when it was such a brief conversation such as when the president and his wife are in a greeting line at an event, when you were face to face with the president, he was looking you straight in the eye with a caring and sincere interest in what you were saying. Charles Garcia also had many similar scenarios where he was able to have a conversation with the following presidential administration of George W. Bush. The experience he felt with President Clinton, he also experienced with President Bush. No matter who else was talking or what else was occurring in the room, the president was looking at him in the eye for the entire conversation. Were both presidents staring at him during their conversations? No. They would occasionally glance down or to the side for a brief second but then go right back to looking at Charles in the eye as they continued their conversation.  

East Meets West

One note to be aware of with eye contact is the interpretation of it that varies by culture. It’s well known that in Western countries such as the United States, giving those in power eye contact is revered. However, in Eastern countries, eye contact with those in a position of power is viewed as rude and disrespectful. It’s important to recognize these differences, since eye contact can mean many different things depending on the setting and the people locking eyes.

Let’s Have Coffee

I was at a recent meeting over coffee with someone who I met the week prior. It was just the two of us getting together to converse about what each one of us did and how we may be able to help each other out with business and/or connections. She was a very well-spoken person who had a lot of very interesting things to say. There was one thing however that stood out to me. Whenever she spoke, she would often not look me in the eye. She simply kept glancing around the room as if to see who else was there. When I started to notice this, I kept a mental note to see how often she would look me in the eye when she spoke. What I noticed was that she probably looked at me for no more than 20% of the time she spoke.  She did however look right at me whenever I spoke, but the fact that she did not look me in the eye when she spoke began to grate on me a little when it came to the respect department.

Without meaning to, I began to feel a little distrustful of the person. We made an appointment to get together over coffee and yet she did not appear to have the same expectation as me for the meeting. Whether it was truthful or not, that is the feeling that I was getting during our time together and it was resulting all from the lack of eye contact. By the way, based upon my earlier comment about East meets West, this person was born and raised in the West so that wasn’t the reason for the lack of eye contact. During our conversation, she talked about various stories and issues. At times pointing out to me some of the well-known regional leaders who were apparently also having coffee or lunch in the room with us (Note: We were having coffee in a place frequented by many local politicians and community leaders). Sometimes, the topic of discussion involved some of the local leaders who were in the room and so she pointed them out to me during our discussion. Personally, I did not care that the mayor of the city was sitting at the table to my right. Also, I did not care that a well-known author was in the room as well having lunch with a local non-profit leader. The reason I didn’t care was because I usually make it a point to listen and be interested in the conversation I’m having with a person while I’m having it. The young lady and I made an appointment to get together for a particular reason. For me, a person’s time is always valuable and I treat it as such.

Can it be said that she wasn’t interested in the conversation that we were having or in the reason for us getting together over coffee in the first place? That is always open for interpretation. There was no need to say anything to her. What I can say though is that for me the lack of eye contact here defined this conversation and my view of the person in my eyes (no pun intended…or maybe it was ).  

 What are your thoughts on eye-contact?

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With  hundreds of thousands of different articles out on the world wide web, it can be extremely difficult to know which one to read. Being a lifelong student of leadership, I attempt to read as many articles on the subject as possible. Understanding that there are so many good articles out there on it, I wanted to share some of my recent favorites.  Many of these are quick reads and have powerful nuggets of wisdom for any leader to digest. These are not the only good articles out there on leadership and success in life of course, but they are worth reading and I believe will help anyone who wishes to improve themselves, their business and the quality of life for them as well as those they share time with. Enjoy!

1. 20 Qualities for a Successful Life — (by Dumb Little Man) How do you define a successful life? Is it by how much money or stuff you have amassed, or is it by the legacy you leave behind?
2. 7 Tips to Manage Your Boss — and Yourself — (by Steve Tobak) Strategies for a healthy employee-manager relationship from a manager’s perspective.
3. A Daily Dose Of Gratitude — (by Chris Hammer) Cultivating and practicing a mindset of gratitude can go a long way to feeling good about our own lives and the world around us.
4. America’s Best Leaders — US News and World Report — US News and World Report highlights a key number of leaders in many functions across the country. A pretty good overview of a listing of high end leaders in their fields.
5. Better Illustrations = Better Communicator (by Tim Milburn) There is a powerful connection that takes place between speaker and audience when one can share the right illustration, at the right time, and for the right reason.
6. Businesses Don’t Fail — Leaders Do — (by Mike Myatt) If you’re willing to strip away all the excuses, explanations, rationalizations, and justifications for business failures, and be really honest in your analysis, you’ll find only one plausible reason –poor leadership.
7. Communication: The Most Important Key to Leadership Success — (by Lee Froschheiser) You hear it all the time … aspiring managers or vice presidents want to know the most important key to an esteemed business leader’s success. Their jaws often drop when they learn the truth.
8. Don’t be the Grinch Who Resists Change — (by Scott Franklin) Change is often presented as a technical exercise. While this is all well and dandy logically, it usually fails to create an emotional connection and makes the change seem like a lot of tedious work. Enlightened leaders know that there is a natural desire to be part of something larger than ourselves.
9. Feedback Is Key To Leadership Success — (by Lee Coates) Any successful leadership system requires that the leader knows what’s working, knows what’s not working and knows what to do different.
10. Five Lessons About Cooperation From The Creation Of A National Volunteer Database — (by Mark Bernstein) Businesses in the same industry can be loath to work with competitors. But sometimes working together can result in more good than harm.
11. Five Lessons in Leadership — (By Mary Brandel) Five Top CIOs share what their careers have taught them.
12. Four Lessons on Leadership from Russian Businesses — (by Konstantin Korotov) Russia seldom comes to mind as a place that can teach anything positive to Western companies. Despite the multiple criticisms and problems that businesses are facing in the country, talent development is one area where Russia could teach some interesting lessons to organizations worldwide.
13. General Douglas MacArthur’s Principles of Leadership — A list of the principles that MacArthur followed in order to be an effective leader.
14. Growing Leaders of Character — (by Don Jacobson) A thought provoking Q&A with Gene Klann, author of the book “Building Character: Strengthening the Heart of Good Leadership”
15. How Thinking Like a Child Can Help Any Leader Achieve More Goals — (by Lead Change Group) Lucie, the daughter of a friend of the author, wrote a list of “things I whant to do when I get older”. At age 8, she knows the first and most important rule about goal achievement: to accomplish your goals, first you have to set goals.
16. How to Break Free from Negative Thoughts — (by Rhonda Jones) A mind that is filled with negative thoughts is like a dark cave that limits positive and faith-filled thoughts from entering in. Having a chronically negative thought life is a mental mindset that focuses more on what is wrong, than all that is right in life.
17. How to Deal with Really Tough Criticism: Five Steps — (by Christing M. Riordan) We rarely discuss dealing with criticism as a necessary part of leadership. Yet the reality is that every leader, whether chief executive, politician, sports coach, or first-time supervisor, will experience criticism.
18. How to Find a Business Mentor Who’ll Help You Achieve Your Leadership Goals – (by Rene D. Petrin) Providing a nice 8-step approach for finding a mentor.
19. How To: Develop a Mentorship Program — (by Emma Johnson) Guidance from an effective mentor can be rewarding professionally and personally for both the mentor and mentee.
20. Inside Facebook: How Do You Resolve Conflicts? — Quick video of Joey Flynn, Product Designer for Timeline at Facebook, answering this very important business question.
21. Is “Command and Collaborate” the New Leadership Model? — (by Herminia Ibarra) It’s not “either/or,” but “yes/and” when it comes to which leadership style to choose.
22. Leaders At Alibaba, Youku, And Baidu Are Slowly Shaking Up China’s Corporate Culture — (by April Rabkin) Three top Chinese tech companies are remaking the country’s waning, hierarchical corporate culture with an injection of new ideas from the West.
23. Leadership and integrity — (by Michael Ray Hopkin) People who live with integrity are incorruptible and incapable of breaking the trust of those who have confided in them. Trait of a good leader.
24. Leadership Caffeine: Warning! Your Words About Change are Falling on Cynical Ears — (by Art Petty) Even the most credible of leaders have to step up their game when it comes to talking about and promoting change on their teams and in their organizations.
25. Leadership character: The role of collaboration — (by Col. Eric Kall) West Point Colonel speaks about the importance of collaboration in successful leadership.
26. Leadership Is a Gift Given by Those Who Follow — (by Grant McCracken) Here is General Mark Welsh, Commander of U.S. Air Forces in Europe. Welsh’s biggest theme? Leadership as an act of service. As the General says, “Leadership is a gift. It’s given by those who follow. You have to be worthy of it.”
27. Leadership Lessons From Community Maven Tara Hunt: When Not To Listen To The Crowd — (by Lydia Dishman) Any entrepreneur or community-building connector worth their salt should know when to crowdsource, and when to listen to their inner voice.
28. Leadership Success Always Starts With Vision -  (by John Ryan) The president of the Center for Creative Leadership talks about not giving up on your dreams and how that, in his experience, is always the first major step toward leadership success.
29. Leadership Success is No Longer Measured by Money or Power — (by Glenn Llopis) What is leadership success? Is it money, promotions, happiness, raising a family, changing the world, or advancing your industry or community? This simple question has grown complicated over the years, so it’s more important than ever to clarify what success means.
30. Leading and the Multigenerational Factor — For the first time in human history, we have four separate generations working together in society. Each generation has its own characteristics, strengths, likes and dislikes, and working style.
31. Leading Older Employees — (by Jodi Glickman) As Millennials take on increased responsibility at office, they need to build management skills that allow them to work effectively with senior colleagues.
32. Lessons in Leadership – Flash, Bang, Wallop goes Kodak — Businesses fail for two main reasons – poor leadership and/or poor sales systems. In this case, the cause of the failure of one of the world’s greatest companies must be placed squarely at the door of poor leadership.
33. Mandela: His 8 Lessons of Leadership — (By Richard Stengel) Writer talks about his possible last visit to him and how Mr. Mandela talked with him about leadership lessons he’s learned in his 90+ years of life.
34. Multicultural Leadership Starts from Within — (by Jevan Soo) Only through knowing other cultures deeply can a manager effectively connect the dots between them and highlight meaningful differences between cultures that impact business strategy.
35. Performance Leadership: 11 Better Practices That Can Ratchet Up Performance — (by Robert D. Behn) A report where the author, a professor at the John F. Kennedy School of Government at Harvard, offers an approach that encompasses eleven “better practices” that he has observed in use by successful public managers.
36. Principles for a Successful Life — (by Ron Kurtus) A highly cited author (cited in 112 published books) talks about principles for having a satisfying and successful life.
37. Principles for Successful Work-Life Balance — (by Mike Hawkins) Leadership coach Mike Hawkins offers 10 tips for balancing workplace pressures with life responsibilities.
38. Secrets of Leadership Success — (by Susan M. Heathfield) Nature or nurture is a question often asked about leadership. Key leadership success secrets set the great leaders apart from the so-so leaders in today’s organizations.
39. Self-Image Is The Key To Success In Business And In Life – (by Ethan Hale) Individuals who expect to succeed at a given venture are more likely to do so than those who expect to fail.
40. Six Questions to Help You Avoid Protestors at Your Doorstep — (by David Peck) Six questions to ask yourself as a leader
41. Steve Jobs: 10 Lessons in Leadership — (by Erik Qualman) While we can never become Steve Jobs, nor should we strive to be (follow your heart), what we can do is understand what is the greatness of Steve Jobs and, where applicable, apply these principles to help us develop as leaders.
42. The 200 mph Tune Up: 4 Critical Decision Filters For The Startup Leader — (by Terry Starbucker) Developing a critical “filtering” process that can make those “on the fly” decisions easier, and more effective.
43. The Four-Letter Word that Makes You and Your Work Irresistible — (by Mark Sanborn) A four-letter word that in the business world makes many uncomfortable. It seems inappropriate or even taboo among some circles. What could it be?
44. The Third Level of Leadership — (by John C. Maxwell) As you ascend the levels of leadership, it’s important to build an effective team.
45. The Toughest Choices a Leader Must Make — (by Ray Blunt) There is less said about something that is more important to your initial and long-term effectiveness. They are the three toughest daily choices a leader must make.
46. Training Yourself To See New Strategic Options — (by Kaihan Krippendorff) the strategic choices we make every day are determined by the “strategic narratives” we tell ourselves. One’s ability to see new strategic options is a function of the number and variety of stories one recognizes.
47. Where To Find Inspiration When The World Tells You To Give Up – (by Kaihan Krippendorff) We do not all always have someone or something to keep us motivated. What do we do when we need extra inspiration when the world seems to be telling us to give up?
48. Why Faith is so Important for Success — (by Stephen Kennedy) Conceiving all kinds of useful ideas but having a great deal of difficulty with believing. Consequently, not achieving all that I desired? In short, there may simply be a lack of faith.
49. Why Great Leaders Don’t Take Yes for an Answer: The Leadership Challenge — (by Michael A. Roberto) Leadership is more than getting others to do your bidding. True leadership requires that you listen to others and understand (even if you don’t agree with) those who criticize your ideas.
50. Wise Words – 106 Maxims — Sayings and quotes intended to help one grow as a leader, as a friend and as a person.
51. Your Greatest Asset In Life is Free  (by John McBride) In our differing ways we are all engaged in the process of seeking success. Because of our aspirations, ability and commitment, we approach this in a variety of ways. Many will fail in their quest for what they have perceived as success, but need this be so?

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We all know there are many great blogs out in the online world of the internet. One of my personal favorites is Guy Kawasaki’s blog. Through his blog, he releases many tidbits of wisdom and knowledge. In addition to being the co-founder of Alltop.com (an “online magazine rack” of popular topics on the web) and the previous “chief evangelist” of Apple, he is also the author of ten books including Enchantment, Reality Check and The Macintosh Way. According to Guy, when it comes to being successful in life, your likeability is a key factor. Regardless of one’s age, nationality, knowledge or experience, how likeable they are will determine how effective they will be in most situations. What are ways in which you can increase your likeability?

When it comes to increasing likeability, Guy Kawasaki has some pretty down to Earth ideas. Below is a chart that he shares in his book Enchantment. I liked it so much I wanted to share it here with you…enjoy!

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A new year has begun and a countless list of New Year’s resolutions have been made by many. A large number of those resolutions won’t last the month! OK, I admit I tend to be optimistic about people (because many will tell me that most New Year’s resolutions don’t last the first week).  Resolutions are great decisions that people usually commit to in order to change their life or the life of someone else for the better. So why do so many “forget” or “lose track of” whatever it is they said they were going to do? I’m sure you’ve never been one of those people. Admit it. We’re all guilty of not committing to the resolutions we’ve supposedly committed to. But why is that? It’s simple…a sincere passion for it is missing. It’s so much easier to commit to a change that can help you follow your passion…whatever that passion may be.

Principle: Follow Your Heart

I’m sure this is not the first time you’re seeing the above phrase. If it is, then I’m glad it’s being introduced to you here. If you have seen it before, I hope you understand what it means. Early in my career, I thought I understood what it meant, but I discovered that I didn’t really. At first I always focused my education on helping me get the job that would make me the most money. When I started along that track, I discovered that even though I was beginning to make some serious bucks, I wasn’t feeling fulfilled. If I kept on that track, I knew I would end up in a place I didn’t want to be at in the future. So, I decided to go into another type of field where I felt I made more of a difference. That helped me to feel better about what I was doing.  That feeling that one gets when they are following their heart is a personal feeling that only you can know how it feels when you’re on the right path for yourself

How do you know you’ve found your passion? Find something you love to do so much, you can’t wait for the sun to rise to do it all over again. Connecting your New Year’s resolution to something you’re passionate about will help in achieving your goal.

Principle: Do Not Fool Yourself!

By fooling yourself, I’m talking about making yourself believe something in order to avoid something you know you need to do.  This principle for helping to stick to the commitments you made to yourself is a short and simple, yet powerful one. It’s a principle that all of us at one point or another have used to rationalize ourselves out of doing something we needed to do (e.g. I can have one more ice cream ‘cause I’ve had a very stressful week).

If you want to succeed in what you’ve committed yourself to do, be honest with yourself. Don’t fool yourself into not following your passion. Earlier in this post I briefly described how I was not on a path in my career where I would be personally fulfilled. I was originally fooling myself into allowing money be the focus of my occupation. Had I not realized that I was fooling myself, I would still be doing something that I didn’t want to do and thus, would still feel as though I was missing something in my life.

Principle: Baby Steps

Ah! Here is the old adage about taking baby steps. If one of your goals is to read more books rather than watching TV or surfing the internet, why not start by reading no more than 15 minutes in the morning or at night before going to bed? There was a time not so long ago when reading for fifteen minutes felt to me like three days…in fifteen minutes. Oh it was brutal for me! I was reading so slow it would take me 15 minutes to read one or two pages of a paperback. No fooling…I was bad! I did manage to overcome this by taking baby steps. First I made it a point to read one page and then stop for a minute and then read the next page. I’d read the second page and then stop for a minute before I continued. This allowed me to not get as bored with reading as I would’ve had I read straight thru at first. Over the next few weeks I began to notice that I was reading faster and not getting as bored reading as I was when I first started. In time I was reading two, then three and four pages a minute.  Today, I find reading fun and cannot imagine myself finishing the day without reading.

Do You Know Someone…?

Do you know of anyone who has a passion for something? If you believe you do know someone like that, observe them.  Do they appear to have more enthusiasm, energy, and excitement than others? Do you find that they often appear to be creative in what they are passionate about? They appear to come up with really unique and yet simple ideas?

Do you know someone who succeeded at losing the weight they wanted to lose? Ask them how they did it? Did they quit eating everything that was bad for them and going to the gym six to seven days a week or did they take baby steps to reduce or change the types of foods they were eating?

Do you know of someone who succeeded in whatever they chose to commit to last year? Look back on how they did it? Did they use some of the above aspects to succeed at what they chose to commit to?

What are some ways that you believe will help you succeed at achieving your goals for the new year?

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Today is Thanksgiving and many people around the world celebrate it. I originally thought it was only an American holiday being that my recollection recalls learning about how the pilgrims in New England, USA, celebrated the first one in order to give thanks for the bountiful harvest they had that year. It eventually became a holiday tradition that started to include not only the bountiful harvest but all areas that a person or community could be thankful for. Family, friends, health, a home, you name it. Having something in one’s life where not having it would make life less enjoyable is always something to be thankful for.

My own life has had many ups and down in the past few months. Many ups and downs have occurred in my personal life as well as some in my professional and social lives. This has caused me to have some personal soul searching in order to “come to grips” as they say with the things going on in one’s life. It’s good to do soul searching every now and again because it helps a person to have a clear perspective with the world, their role in it and their life. My humble opinion tells me that soul searching is an exercise that everyone needs to do at least once in their life if not more. Some of the most successful people (is society, academia, in business or religion, etc.) I know have admitted to having personally soul searched at least once in their lifetime. Many of those same people have actually said that they do it regularly because without it they have often fallen prey to their own self-deception.

Now, how many times a person does soul searching is completely up to them. I really do enjoy the quote by that famous author known only as ‘Anonymous’ that says, “The greatest evil in the world is self-deception, because self-deception preys on the troubled soul.” One of the simplest and easiest first steps to doing a personal soul search is to take a look at the good things one has in one’s life and thankful for them. Today being Thanksgiving is a good day to do just that. Why? Because, in addition to the saying “there’s no time like the present to begin something”, there are many other people today also giving thanks for what they have in their lives.

One of my aunt’s recently sent me the below prayer of Thanksgiving. After having read it, I thought what a great item to share with others. Whether a person is religious or not, we can always be grateful for the things we have. Whether the glass is half-full or half-empty, that perspective is always up to you.

Thank you Lord
Because everything goes well ,
For a clear and receptive mind
For the light that illuminates me,
For the life that heals my body,
For the abundance of all good things,
For the people who come into my life,
For those I love but have to let go,
For my home,
For my work,
For my study,
For my abundant remuneration
For my constant protection
For the safety of everyone who walks on the street,
For peace in my heart,
In my home,
In my work,
In my country,
In my city,
In my continent,
On my planet …
Thank God for this world in order.

Lord, always remind me that nothing is going to happen that you and I cannot resolve.

Amen!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

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